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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you have 4 kids is it a shit show?.. honestly

185 replies

Mrsisolated · 09/10/2024 21:28

I currently have 3 kids 8 6 and 2. I am Feeling so broody it’s pathetic. One of the girls announced her pregnancy at work today and I just felt gutted that i will never experience bringing a baby into this world again. DH says no as we will need a bigger house and car and holidays will be too expensive and life will be extremely stressful. I am sure he is probably right but I just feel like I can’t accept that.

OP posts:
LivelyGoldOrca · 09/10/2024 21:30

Yes. We never feel that we are on top of anything!

Difficultworkdecision · 09/10/2024 21:30

Honestly it’s 1 too many for me. Life with 3 was busy but manageable, with 4 I’m dropping plates left right and centre. I don’t feel like a good mum anymore. Maybe it will get easier when they are a bit older but then there will be more clubs, more driving then round, more play dates, need more space and emotional input.

Pandasnacks · 09/10/2024 21:31

It certainly would be a shit show if your DH doesn't want a 4th baby OP. Bring a baby into the world can be amazing, but you've got 3 kids to watch grow in this world and you are one lucky person to have that. So enjoy that, and being able to afford them and watch them experience holidays etc.

scullybags · 09/10/2024 21:31

My mum is 1 of 6 and always says she hated her childhood, so she only had 1.

Decafflatteplease · 09/10/2024 21:32

I have 4 and it's busy but lovely.

It was hard when they were younger but We've come out the other side and it's great having a large family!

I need to be very organised though!

NuffSaidSam · 09/10/2024 21:33

If your DH doesn't want a fourth that's all that really matters, even if everyone else with 4 kids finds it a breeze.

stayathomer · 09/10/2024 21:33

It is but to be honest in a good way. When I describe our family I just have to say chaotic, always busy, always running somewhere, there’s always chat and laughing but also stress- we have two who are Uber relaxed and two who need everything just so. Funnily enough they’re not the pairings for them palling around together! Yes from people we know I think three seems to be the ‘got it together’ family, four is ‘chasing our tails’. But happy out, as I think you’ll end up being whatever way it goes!

K37529 · 09/10/2024 21:34

I have 4 and yes most days it is utter chaos🙈

tangoboxing · 09/10/2024 21:35

It is very expensive & we juggle 1000 balls at a time. My four are teen to university age & it feels far more full on (& did I mention expensive ? 😭) now than it was when they were small, I didn’t find that too hard tbh.

Dogzillah · 09/10/2024 21:36

Yes

And it's even harder now they're all teenagers.
They all have so much going on and I feel like I'm constantly neglecting one of them because I'm trying to focus on something someone is going through.

I love them all but I have no idea why I kept going after 2 even.

Original poster
Mrsisolated · 09/10/2024 21:37

Thanks you have all put me off 🤣

Im just so sad!! I want to do it all over again.

OP posts:
1990thatsme · 09/10/2024 21:38

I have four aged 6 to new baby. I absolutely love it. I might have more…

It really does depend on your set up though and your support system. I’m very fortunate in that respect so I really don’t struggle at all.

I also have two labradors!

Life is chaotic sometimes but lovely and peaceful at others. Only you can know what is best OP.

Addictedtococacola · 09/10/2024 21:39

LivelyGoldOrca · 09/10/2024 21:30

Yes. We never feel that we are on top of anything!

I was going to say the same.

GroovyChick87 · 09/10/2024 21:40

It can be chaotic, stressful at times, particularly the mornings. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

florizel13 · 09/10/2024 21:40

Difficultworkdecision · 09/10/2024 21:30

Honestly it’s 1 too many for me. Life with 3 was busy but manageable, with 4 I’m dropping plates left right and centre. I don’t feel like a good mum anymore. Maybe it will get easier when they are a bit older but then there will be more clubs, more driving then round, more play dates, need more space and emotional input.

When they are older and more independent...it will be amazing! I've got two sets of two, thanks to getting divorced then getting together with new partner. It was hard work but now they are all adults it's lovely...when we have family get~togethers we don't need anyone else, we have a party!

coolkatt · 09/10/2024 21:42

U sound like u want a baby again just to experience birth again.
What happens after u have a fourth one then want to experience it again and again?
Ur husband sounds sensible.

Eyerollexpert · 09/10/2024 21:44

florizel13 · 09/10/2024 21:40

When they are older and more independent...it will be amazing! I've got two sets of two, thanks to getting divorced then getting together with new partner. It was hard work but now they are all adults it's lovely...when we have family get~togethers we don't need anyone else, we have a party!

Show quote history

This is me, two sets of two 33,32 22 and 21. We are all super close but think it might get easier as they get older is not the case, poor Mum doesn't have the answers or e even understand some of the questions anymore 😆

namechangetheworld · 09/10/2024 21:46

Parents of multiple children are always going to defend their position and argue that it's 'chaotic but happy' but you might be better off asking people who have actually grown up in a house like that.

I have quite a few friends and relatives who were one of four/five children growing up. They all disliked their childhoods, citing lack of money and attention as the main reasons, and they now only have one or two children maximum of their own. Please don't let your desire to do the baby thing again override the negative impact it could have on your existing children. Listen to your husband.

scullybags · 09/10/2024 21:46

Mrsisolated · 09/10/2024 21:37

Thanks you have all put me off 🤣

Im just so sad!! I want to do it all over again.

At least you have the sex and vaping years to enjoy guiding them through! No im joking 😅

tangoboxing · 09/10/2024 21:48

My adult children tell me that they think they had a pretty great childhood (who knows if they’ll reassess with age!) but they also think dh & I are insane “why did you make life so hard for yourselves?” … I’m not really sure tbh - we’re both very child orientated (we haven’t had an awful lot of time for anything other than work & kids up until recently).

I would never want to have children with someone who was reluctant … I’ve never not felt that we’re in it together, that’s where a lot of the joy comes from.

Pandasnacks · 09/10/2024 21:49

namechangetheworld · 09/10/2024 21:46

Parents of multiple children are always going to defend their position and argue that it's 'chaotic but happy' but you might be better off asking people who have actually grown up in a house like that.

I have quite a few friends and relatives who were one of four/five children growing up. They all disliked their childhoods, citing lack of money and attention as the main reasons, and they now only have one or two children maximum of their own. Please don't let your desire to do the baby thing again override the negative impact it could have on your existing children. Listen to your husband.

Edited

Comparatively my mum was one of 6 and loved it, 2 of her siblings had 4 each. I no a few people from big families that loved their childhood too. I agree totally it can have a negative impact but it's not a given.

scullybags · 09/10/2024 21:50

We need lovely old Crumbs to be here to guide us through the days of Christmas stockings and safari suppers all through to getting naked in the hot tub with the kids new boyfriends. The glory days of MN.

namechangetheworld · 09/10/2024 21:51

Pandasnacks · 09/10/2024 21:49

Comparatively my mum was one of 6 and loved it, 2 of her siblings had 4 each. I no a few people from big families that loved their childhood too. I agree totally it can have a negative impact but it's not a given.

Show quote history

Oh I do agree. I think if you have unlimited funds and a stay at home parent it's probably a heck of a lot easier. But children are SO much more expensive these days (much more so than when I was growing up!) which makes it so much harder.

1990thatsme · 09/10/2024 21:52

namechangetheworld · 09/10/2024 21:46

Parents of multiple children are always going to defend their position and argue that it's 'chaotic but happy' but you might be better off asking people who have actually grown up in a house like that.

I have quite a few friends and relatives who were one of four/five children growing up. They all disliked their childhoods, citing lack of money and attention as the main reasons, and they now only have one or two children maximum of their own. Please don't let your desire to do the baby thing again override the negative impact it could have on your existing children. Listen to your husband.

Edited

Absolutely untrue in my case. I am the middle child of five and had a bloody marvellous childhood.

I am very close to my parents and siblings and feel very privileged.

DoggoQuestions · 09/10/2024 21:54

I thought I wanted another, then I took dc3 to a birthday party where his little friend was the eldest and there were toddlers around. Watching the parents chase the 2/3 years olds around, battle them in and out of coats/shoes, navigate tantrums over food and balloons etc. I found myself thinking f* that and have completely lost my desire for no. 4.