If you have 4 kids is it a shit show?.. honestly

[Mrsisolated]

I currently have 3 kids 8 6 and 2. I am Feeling so broody it’s pathetic. One of the girls announced her pregnancy at work today and I just felt gutted that i will never experience bringing a baby into this world again. DH says no as we will need a bigger house and car and holidays will be too expensive and life will be extremely stressful. I am sure he is probably right but I just feel like I can’t accept that.

I think it gets harder and certainly much more expensive as they get older… Any resources, including time has to be split further.

Also if they are all in good health with no disabilities consider how it could change the dynamic with another child who isn’t…which is what happened to a friend. You can’t predict what problems might occur.

Another friend’s marriage broke down due to the last pregnancy as the DH didn’t feel able to cope with more.

3 is already bigger than most families, on average below 2.

Perhaps consider if/how this impulse could be fulfilled in a different way? Through work or volunteering?

I have 2 close friends with 4 children. They both have really lovely kids and both friends have managed really well . All the children are adults now and lovely human beings .

It’s interesting to hear the varied experiences from the other side (the DC) and might also depend on family position.

As the eldest in my family, younger siblings were often (usually) annoying and I had a lot of responsibility for them, which was a bit shit tbh. It put me off having my own DC for a long time.

It’s been hard to learn to consider myself versus being there to take care of others and finding a balance. i don’t think it’s fair to have more and expect the slack to be picked up by the older ones, but can’t see how that’s not inevitable, unless you have a nanny or grandparent living in the home as well. I say that as we had a lot of good extended family support, but it still wasn’t enough to cover what needed happen day to day at home.

It was quite a lonely experience as a teenager as felt I was expected to be independent and their wasn’t really any opportunity for spending relaxed time together.

As siblings, we are also very different people as adults and have different interests and priorities, In common, I think we all value our friendships and hobbies outside the family!

Wait until they all turn into horrible, smelly tweens and teenagers who think they know everything! then come back to this thread. 😅

Not difficult if they are spaced out.

But even spaced out surely the older ones still have needs? My teens need me much more than they ever did as toddlers.

I agree the older ones definitely need you emotionally, but you do get pockets of time you learn to use wisely to make sure the older ones get time with you or DH. I make sure to get one to one time with them all regularly. This is really important.

DH dealt with 7yo and a meltdown this afternoon in one room whilst I chatted with my eldest about his driving lesson after school . They all need to feel valued.

I agree it definitely depends on the kids too. My eldest is so fun and intelligent but 2 of him would be a lot. Some kids parents will say aren't a lot of work. A friends kid mostly plays lego by himself. But I suppose anyway this can change as they get older.

I got that too when no 3 was about 2. DH was up for it but I started to think about the future child and not just the being pregnant and having that gorgeous little one. What brought me to my senses was the realisation that I hadn't even taught my youngest to tie her shoes. It was a baby I wanted and less stroppy teenager that my eldest was showing signs of becoming. The broody feeling was intense though.

I Have 4, now aged between 17-28 , when they where all at home it was very expensive and you need to be very organised, they didn't go to loads of after skl stuff, they picked 1 activity. I had to work f/t holidays where hectic.