If you have 4 kids is it a shit show?.. honestly

[Mrsisolated]

I currently have 3 kids 8 6 and 2. I am Feeling so broody it’s pathetic. One of the girls announced her pregnancy at work today and I just felt gutted that i will never experience bringing a baby into this world again. DH says no as we will need a bigger house and car and holidays will be too expensive and life will be extremely stressful. I am sure he is probably right but I just feel like I can’t accept that.

I am one of 8!! Different times as SAHM but it wasn't a shit show by any means. Dm was very organised and had a good routine and my DD was very hands on. We are all very close. We lead our own lives, all have children, some 4 but we have each others back and our family get togethers are a complete party. My dc love it.
Becoming a bit of an issue now that weddings are starting to happens and there is SO many people! We were not rich by any means but all got third level education, great school support and had an immense amount of fun growing up.
But l would not, myself have the energy for that many as wanted to work and dhs job was full on.
Every family is different but both need to be on board. I loved the baby stage but found 14/ 15 very difficult so much energy needed for the days ahead.

Grew up as part of a 4, no clubs, hobbies or holidays, but my parents weren’t very nice either which I think had more of an effect on us than the lack of material stuff. Having said that I adore my siblings and wouldn’t be without them. I think it was also different when you could have kids and know they will probably be ok without too much of your intervention, now theres a lot more financial support required to launch.

What you don’t realise at this point because young children are so lovely is that they soon grow into teenagers! And your energy levels absolutely plummet, and in fact it gets harder not easier. Busier not quieter. We are now up much of the night as we were when they were babies picking them up, checking they are in - dealing with some really serious problems.

You are already going to be stretched with 3 at this point believe me. Teen years and then adulthood is so expensive, they can’t afford to move out either so you already have at least 25 years of parenting left op.

DONT DO IT!

I have 4 and had my 4th when still married.

Just be really careful as life can change quite quickly and I am now a single mum to 4.

I love it but I work fully time and life is busy. We have a very close bond probably as I remained on my own with them since being divorced.

My they are 15-8 if the oldest one wants some money she does babysit about once a month for a couple of hours max whilst I go for dinner or something. I have childcare in place which is expensive so don't rely on oldest to look after the young ones at all as I agree with other posters is not fair.

My children are extremely independent and resilient, but I'd put they down to having a single parent more than being one of four. As for giving constant lifts, absolutely not. The older ones are more than capable of getting a bus or train! Or walking?!

I think four is great but having gone into it with us both being on board with it and then it rapidly changing I'm not entirely sure I'd recommend it. I certainly would not push a 4th onto a partner who doesn't want more.

I loved the teen years! I had four teens at one stage.

This ! It was a lot easier when they were younger.... But there are times when it is lovely and at Xmas or parties there is a gang. But no..stop at 3.

I have 4, currently teens 14-19. They are all lovely and I’m finding the teen years easier than when they were little.

It was right for me and my dh wanted 4 too. Plus we are financially secure. I did struggle to keep my career going which was quite international so switched to something more local.

No family help at all. That was the hard bit I suppose but I’d do it all again. I’ve loved having four dc.

My sister has 4 - 2 are stepchildren who they have 50% of the time. She never knows if she’s coming or going. Money is often tight as eating out as a family of 6 is expensive as is clothing 4 kids etc.

I have 4 and I love it. I always remind myself that I chose to have them do they shouldn't miss it by being 4. They all do whatever hobbies they want and at one point I was reading 4 different stories at night. My eldest was 7 when the littlest was born and has some sen, so no one was looking after little siblings. Everything you do feels like a party. But, they fight all. The. Time! Drives me absolutely crazy. Remember 1 child: no relationships, 2 children: 1 relationship, 3 children:3 relationships.....4 children: 6 relationships!

Also I was a bit like you and I loved having babies and little people. I remember after dc4, thinking, "right, you've pushed it enough now, you are going to have to live with feeling broody". Then dc4 turned 4 years old and it went away. I had been broody since childhood so I couldn't believe it. Now the thought of another child horrifies me. When the littlest was 2 was always my peak broody time as you are putting away all the tiny things and they are starting nursery..... If you get through this bit, that feeling does go away!

DD was a lovely teen. However, she had a torrid time at school because of bullying and friendship issues that led to anxiety, depression, self harm and borderline anorexia.

I wouldn't wish that on any parent.

@Savingthehedgehogs it's always parents of primary aged children and younger who want a large brood. You very rarely see posters going through the teenage years saying "I think I'll do this again".

I think wanting loads of children depends on your personality as well. I would hate to live the chaotic life that having a large family would entail. One of my friends spent her entire life running her DC to this activity or that one. She never had one night after school where she could just "be". (We live in a village with poor public transport).

Then the extra drudgery with cooking, washing, cleaning etc, even with a hands on partner would make it a no for me.

I was one of 4. The house was always chaotic and money was tight. I envied friends who were one of 2. I always wondered as a child why my parents had felt the need to have 4. I made my mind up early on to have no more than 2. One has Sen and it is harder than ever now they are teens. I am glad I didn't have more than 2.

The thing is parents of large families have them because they want them, and this thread clearly shows that.

Very few parents of four or more wish they had stopped at two, so you are getting biased answers from both sides. I would have stopped at two if I had been able to have more children, but DD remained an only.

Yes
love them all dearly but I'm never calm and have very little time to myself. Ever. In the tiny amount of time I have no dc with me due to school or nursery I put away laundry and tidy up rooms and clean toilets. There are GREAT times, don't get me wrong, but it's stressful.

I have 5 but I’d say do it, my youngest has a big age gap from her next sibling and I really wish I’d had another one so she had a sibling close in age, as all the fun things the others did when they were little with siblings my youngest sometimes feels like an only child as the others are so much older.

I've been through all that with one too but she was worth it. I wouldn't have wished for her to go through it for herself though. Of course it's hard for the parent but the child is worth it for me.

I've also got one medically complex seriously ill one at the moment. My heart hurts for them, it's not easy, but he is worth it.

I wouldn't be without any of my children, even the less straight forward ones.

There's no guarantee that you wouldn't get broody after having a fourth. Hormones are powerful and manipulative.

Are we talking about 4 or 40? Four really isn’t that many children. Yes you need to work hard and be on the ball but honestly some of these comments are ludicrous.

@LoveTheRainAndSun DD is out the other side now, but the awful bullying affected her self confidence dreadfully. She is 24 now and after graduating and working for two years is about to start a masters. You wouldn't recognise the self confident young woman she has become compared to the shy and anxious teenager of 10 years ago. However, it took a very long time for this to happen.

I have four last two were twins so planned 3 and yeah bigger car , bigger house. A massive of extra curricular stuff to get through. It’s a lot tbh and I constantly seem to have masses of clean laundry hanging around.

Don't be silly.

I think if you have a stay at home parent and lots of money, it would be OK.

I'm glad your DD is doing well now. I'm sure you think she was worth it, even if it was hard at the time.

Yes, she was worth it. I was thinking that having more than one go through teenage years would be hard though. Although not all DC go through what DD did.

I like a quiet, peaceful life. I view the chaos and drudgery of a large family with horror though.

"Maybe it will get easier when they are a bit older"

🤣🤣 thanks for making me laugh this morning.

I am one of four and although my parents met our basic needs, we all felt emotionally neglected to some degree. My mum enjoyed having babies/young children but struggled to have the energy to meet our needs when we became older and required more emotional support.

I really struggled at school and I was on my own as I didn't want to bother my parents. They also did not have the energy to encourage me to open up. It has impacted my relationship with my parents as an adult.

My parents now have grandchildren, and I know they are struggling keeping in contact with us all with visits etc. I am sure there is some regret there from them.

I do love my parents and siblings but, if my parents had stopped at 3…I feel we all would had more attention. Intrestingly, none of my siblings want more than 3 kids.