To not want him to complain in restaurants?

[FirecrackerK]

My DP is really into his food, makes most meals at home and even thought about being a chef when he was younger. It's a hobby.

But I'd say 60% of the time when we're out for a meal, if the server asks 'how was your meal?' he doesnt give the obligatory response.

Instead he uses it as an opportunity to moan about the carrots of the gravy or whatever and say 'it could've been more X'. I feel really embarrassed when he does this as other diners are just quietly enjoying their meals!

He stopped for a while because he knew it bothered me but he's back at it again

Is he really overly fussy or are you eating in restaurants that aren't very good?

Haha yes this would annoy me 😂

@RampantIvy he usually only does it it in really good restaurants now I think about it.

So I would say fussy.

But why are you regularly eating out in sub-par restaurants? If he’s foodie, why not eat out only in great places, doing it less often if necessary? DH used to work in food, and is very fastidious, and eats out a lot, but I can think of vanishingly few times where he’s made negative comments to staff.

It makes me cringe. I hear the question and worriedly anticipate the response 😂

My friend's dh used to make complaints about friend's food even when she was happy with it! It was so cringe.. He used to pay their portion of the bill in small change... Stopped at 2 meals out..... Never again. She divorced him. He refused to have his dd once when she was off school unless she sent dd with a tin of soup from her cupboard...

Honestly @PaperGloves we aren't.

He's doing this in very good restaurants. In the Michelin book level or actual Michelin in one case!

As long as he isn’t rude then I think it’s fine: they are asking for feedback on the meal, he is offering his opinion that the cooking time wasn’t quite right / seasoning could be better / more gravy on the side as an option would be appreciated. If you’re paying for a meal and there’s something wrong with it, the chef generally wants to know.

I think it’s a very British thing, to be unhappy with something but refuse to say so. All my non-Brit friends give restaurant feedback perfectly readily.

@Blusterydaytodaypoohbear well I can at least say DP is generous and wouldn't be paying in small change!

But I do have moments of thinking, can I put up with dining like this forever. Just once id like him to say fine or good, and leave it at that

God I knew a woman like this. Awful.

“tell the chef x doesn’t go with y - too strongly flavoured”

How often are you going out for meals? It doesn't seem worthwhile. I find that I often begrudge the money, because I could make a meal I liked much more for much less. For this reason, I rarely eat at restaurants.

@ComtesseDeSpair well he isn't British and can be quite direct. Maybe explains it.

Once I saw the chef's face through an open door after he'd made a complaint.

Face like thunder!

There's an obligatory response? How did I miss that memo. But it would be more constructive if he put his comments in a Tripadvisor review or something similar.

What's your comment about small change about? He's giving small change to the restaurant, which means the restaurant is sure of having the small change to give back to customers who pay in notes or 'large change'(?). Meanwhile, they don't have to give him change. Win, win.

I thought it was just a generic reply about the food being fine/great etc.

Exactly this. You’re asked for feedback, you don’t have to lie and say it was fine.

And if it’s not, which is what he clearly thinks?

It's affecting you so I would ask him to cut it out. Unless there really is an issue with food.

@FirecrackerK The staff really won’t take much notice. I feel for you though. Maybe skip the wait staff a pre printed card saying not to ask him about quality!

The other side of the coin is friends who complain about everything and are fussy in cheap places. This includes no sauce on food, must be served separately, all plates to be piping hot, certain ingredients to be omitted. Want a separate menu! Yes, even that. Friends went to a notable restraint with a set tasting menu and had to have a separate one just for them.

We try not to eat with any of them, unfortunately this weekend we are. So donning my hard hat. We eat in Michelin restaurants and never with them. Ever. Just try and persuade DH to engage with what the chef is doing. I feel for you but a high level restaurant will be serving the food well. Friends always want well cooked and not pink meat. You just know that some chefs won’t do that. So we avoid such places with them. It’s hard work!

Agree. Especially when you're paying a good chunck of money for it.

Option one, after he's delivered his pernickety verdict, you chip in with "Well I thought it was fabulous!" Undermine him basically - you are making his comments seem like a matter of opinion rather than allowing him to state "fact" unchallenged.

Option two, say that his comments are spoiling dinners out for you, so while you respect his right to make them, he'll need to respect your right not to eat out with him anymore.

Would you offer a compromise where he leaves a note on the table with his feedback, since apparently he genuinely wants to help them improve? Verbal complaints only if the food is burnt/cold/very salty etc - the kind of stuff anyone would complain about (after just a couple of bites) and you actually need to get a refund for it.

It’s usually me! My bloke’s an amazing cook and very few restaurant meals can touch his food. I’m almost always disappointed but usually phase it in a way that flatters him. “It was very nice but not as good as it is at home”.

My main bug bear when eating out is being served food that is not as described on the menu. Just last week I ordered something because it was a very specific dish - pulpo a la gallega. Instead of octopus with sliced potatoes, olive oil and paprika, I was instead served squid on fried potatoes and aioli. When I complained, I was told I was wrong and that it was octopus. It clearly wasn’t, and even if it were it was not the dish they had on the menu!
Restaurants too often rely on people not saying anything and being served subpar, over priced food.

Stop going out with him