To not want him to complain in restaurants?

[FirecrackerK]

My DP is really into his food, makes most meals at home and even thought about being a chef when he was younger. It's a hobby.

But I'd say 60% of the time when we're out for a meal, if the server asks 'how was your meal?' he doesnt give the obligatory response.

Instead he uses it as an opportunity to moan about the carrots of the gravy or whatever and say 'it could've been more X'. I feel really embarrassed when he does this as other diners are just quietly enjoying their meals!

He stopped for a while because he knew it bothered me but he's back at it again

Does he think they are actively looking for feedback and will tweak the recipe based on his expert advice?

Because in reality they are just going to roll their eyes over the twat on table 14.

I think you need to ask him why he does it and tell him that he is spoiling your evenings.

What do you mean by ‘not take it well’? Have a tantrum? Sulk? Shout and be aggressive?

If he ‘wouldn’t take well’ the suggestion that he dine without you, if he wants to have the pleasure of your company, he needs to not be obnoxious company himself. Quite simple.

Exactly, I have a feeling he does it simply because he's giving an honest answer. He's not British and comes from a more direct culture so I think this is part of it. But I really don't like it.

I think I will ask him why and what he hopes to achieve. I'm avoiding an argument!

Possibly sulk, yes.

I get you about the rest but the baked potato one is one I've experienced myself, although not in a restaurant.
I was in hospital and couldn't eat anything else they had, because of my stomach problems, so asked for just a jacket potato. What they put in front of me was so vile that I can smell it to this day. Potatoes can be very disgusting if you don’t treat them right. It was hard, not undercooked, but like dried out rubbery cardboard. The skin was as thick leather with an outer layer that resembled dirty old varnished brown paper with random hard coal like black lumps dotting its surface. Only an approximately 3cm sphere of the inside center was still soft enough to mash up with the fork. I would say stale would actually be a good description for my potato. I personally think they had reheated it more than once in the microwave and let it go cold inbetween. And it had many cold spots. And they gave me two pats of rancid butter margarine stuff that could not melt into the hard cold potato. I thought, remenber it's a hospital not a hotel, and lifted it towards my face. My god, did it stink. It smelt like the bin on a cold morning after scraping jacket potato leftovers in to it the night before.

The smell made me vomit and I went without food.

A jacket potato can definitely be stale.

@Avanet That sounds absolutely disgusting, you poor thing!

I know this one was nothing like that though, I saw it close up. She just picked that as the thing to complain about on that occasion.

Mystified as to what good restaurant serves gravy!

Maybe compromise. If the meal is generally OK just say OK Thanks. If there is something actually wrong with it, say so. I do this if it could have been substantially better, but not to nitpick about details. If there was something really wrong, I'd have asked the waiter to come over anyway, to explain to them. I have done this once or twice when the food came out cold, for example. Could you get your DP to rein it in along these lines?

Let him sulk!

@Mrsgreen100 Im mystified as to what chef would listen to this rubbish anyway? These obviously are not high quality restaurants. More like ubiquitous gastro pub fare warmed up in a microwave.

Michelin starred restaurants in London that I've been served gravy at have included Galvin La Chapelle, Dinner by Heston and, of course, the Harwood Arms.

If there is a problem with the food, you say during the meal so the chef has an opportunity to do something about it. Don't wait to the end, otherwise it's just obnoxious, and nitpicking. It can't have been that bad if your plate is clean.

Exactly. Waiters clearing your plates saying "how was your meal?" don't actually want to know that you personally wouldn't have cooked the carrots with ginger and perhaps the salmon would be better with a parsley sauce. Complain at the time if they burnt your steak of undercooked your potatoes. But if you think you could cook it better no one wants to hear. Just smile and say "lovely thanks".

It is like when you go up to a bank teller and he says "how are you?" and you say "Well to be honest, my left knee is giving me a bit of trouble and I feel like I need to see someone about my eyes"

I work serving food and drinks and if I ask "Is everything ok with your meal?"
I'm asking in case it's got the wrong sauce or the chips are cold or there's something missing so I can rectify the problem.

I couldn't care less about some wannabe chef boring on about what they think should be done differently. I definitely don't pass it on to the kitchen either unless I'm complaining about what a dick they are.

Exactly. I know all of this, I just need him to know it too!

Also he's in a newish job where he goes out with colleagues to eat quite a bit and I hate the thought of the impression he could be giving.

@FirecrackerK Just save up and go to the better restaurants. He really won’t dare do it to a well known chef! Aldo in this type of restaurant they don’t ask you how the meal was. They know it’s perfect. That’s what you are paying for. They tell you what’s in the dish but you don’t discuss it afterwards although I don’t if I found it exceptional. If you eat top class food enough you do appreciate the unbelievable talent chefs have. Just look at the Great British Menu and go to their restaurants. He would surely be happy with everything.

Worked both sides of the pass and couldn't agree more. Just made a comment on a similar thread about how the show off constant complainers get 'talked politely about' behind the scenes. If only they knew.

@FirecrackerK I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, and I'm American (only mentioning as the culture is presumed to be generally more direct/vocal than the UK when "dissatisfied")!😅sounds like your DP is heavily engaging in "Performative Wankery" as @WhereYouLeftIt so eloquently put it 😁 don't blame you at all for just wishing for a simple "Fine, thank you" when asked how the professionally cooked meal was!

What a knob. The time to complain about the food is just after you taste it. That way the restaurant have a chance to put it right. Complaining about the food when you're sitting in front of an empty plate is a shitty thing to do, and nothing more than negging to make yourself feel superior.

We ate at a GBM winner's restaurant after DD graduated. It was such an amazing experience.

There was no menu and the waiting staff just told us what was in each course rather than the name of a dish. If I was with someone who criticised the food I would be so mortified.

I thought we would be the only plebs taking pictures of the foid, but everyone was doing it

He’s not complaining, he’s being honest when asked how he found the food as the plates are cleared. Do you think he should lie @MayaPinion?

Stay at home if it's that bad.

@BIossomtoes He could eat in better restaurants. I also think diners should expect different flavours and food combinations. Thats what high end restaurants are about. They are not replicating what you do at home. Why pay for the same as you cook? You don’t need to lie. You just say it was “interesting” or you “haven not tasted that combination before”. There are ways of saying something was not to your taste without being directly rude.

What a ridiculous comment.

Good luck getting a server to return in good time to ask you this in most restaurants. They often seem to be avoiding catching your eye when you're trying to flag them down, so if the issue isn't apparent when the dish is delivered to you (literally not what you ordered), it's not so easy.