To not want him to complain in restaurants?

[FirecrackerK]

My DP is really into his food, makes most meals at home and even thought about being a chef when he was younger. It's a hobby.

But I'd say 60% of the time when we're out for a meal, if the server asks 'how was your meal?' he doesnt give the obligatory response.

Instead he uses it as an opportunity to moan about the carrots of the gravy or whatever and say 'it could've been more X'. I feel really embarrassed when he does this as other diners are just quietly enjoying their meals!

He stopped for a while because he knew it bothered me but he's back at it again

Undermine him in public... what dreadful advice. Dreadful, dreadful advice. It will only make him hate you.

Nothing wrong with complaining - if there’s genuinely something wrong, not just a case of personal taste.

I once complained about a restaurant’s so-called tabbouleh -there was virtually no parsley in it! A bloke I hardly knew who was with us, sneered at me - ‘What would you know about it?’
‘Well, I did live in the Middle East for 13 years…’
That shut the obnoxious git up.

Sounds to me as if the OPs dh has a bit of a ‘superiority’ complex when it comes to food. You say he’s very ‘direct’ OP - is he perhaps Scandi or Dutch? From experience, those are the nationalities most inclined to be very ‘direct’, aka often to Brit ears, rude.

Mine is a chef and while he doesn’t do this (he’s generally just appreciative that someone else is cooking) he does the following that make me cringe a bit

never has a dish just as it appears on the menu. Always has to change something ie ask for something to be left out/served on the side.

asks the wait staff what they would recommend. Just pick what you want to eat ffs the minimum wage 19 year old waiter doesn’t give a shit

Its a form of being superior and yes OP, its not attractive.

My toes are curling up cringing reading this.. walking into the kitchen during service to speak to the chef..

Very few. I somehow find that hard to believe.

I would hate this, like dining with Jay Raynor.

Classy restaurants don't usually ask this question. It's crass and very American.

The FOH staff observe and can tell by looking at customers if everything is ok or not, trying to get their attention or not. And in a Michelin starred place the food is usually good so they have confirmed they don't need to ask.

I worked in a high end restaurant and we only asked this if someone hadn't eaten much of a certain part of the dish, for example.

This unreasonably pisses me off because I’m your DH in my marriage. If I am asked a question and the food wasn’t quite right I would say so in a polite manner. DH would sooner suffer in silence when given fries instead of potatoes or his sushi is a stodgy lump and I just don’t understand it. He also gets annoyed when I complain about incorrect orders and my retort to him is always “why do you care more about the waiter’s feelings than mine?”. The restaurant are not doing us a favour by serving us, they are giving a paid for service!

I like Jay Rayner though 😂

asks the wait staff what they would recommend

It's a sign of whether a restaurant gives a shit or not.

I'd you don't know what the dish tastes like, looks like etc how can you do your job properly.

A good restaurant will give front of house staff the information they need to guide customers. At the vet least what to recommend (usually the things where there is loads left!)

They shouldn't ask if they are not prepared to receive an honest answer. Your husband has done nothing wrong.

I think this is different though, the op seems to be saying her DH will find fault every time.

I would kick off if I asked for fries and got potatoes!!

What a fucking prat. Rude to the chef and rude to the other guest.

How can your bar be that low? There is no way in hell I would stay if my husband behaved like that. How embarrassing.

Oh I get that, just so much is personal taste. Eg if I asked and they said they’d recommend the calves liver and pannacotta, I hate those things so even if they were objectively amazing would never order them

No, it is to check that the wine is not corked. I.e. gone off

I’d hate this. It’s supposed to be a chance to tell them if things were not ok eg you didn’t receive something or there was a genuine problem. It’s really not an opportunity to wang on about your own preferences. I mean, it’s fine, of course you can use it for that but it would make my fanny shut faster than an ant’s mandible.

Honestly, what a British thread (both the thread topic and the voting). I'm guessing a lot of the YANBU voters are the kind of say 'Don't make a scene' if their dining companion wants to point out a problem with the meal.

The 'obligatory' response to being asked how your meal is is not 'lovely, thanks', unless that's actually true. Obviously it's never OK to be rude (and asking to talk to the chef is excessive imo unless there's a significant problem), but there is nothing wrong with giving polite and constructive feedback on a meal. How else are restaurants to get a true picture of whether their food is being enjoyed?

No wonder bad restaurants (if Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares is anything to go by, although I realise that might not be the most reliable metric 😄) are always saying no one's ever complained about their food, if all people ever say is 'lovely, thanks' even when that's not the case! It's batshit. If you pay for a nice meal you're entitled to a nice meal.

Depends what and how he's saying it. If they ask how is your meal, they are inviting feedback and I've said too salty, broccoli over or undercooked whatever ... if I'm paying that much I expect perfection whereas a cheap pub roast, £12 at the place near dsd's I'm not as picky

I agree. They've asked for feedback and as long as he isn't rude I don't see why he shouldn't give it.

Eating out is so expensive and yet I have been to restaurants that serve food that is less than it's worth...cakes with doughy middles, lukewarm dishes, parts of a meal missing that are mentioned in the menu. You're paying for a service not eating in a friend's house.

Weirdly he gets positive feedback. Other diners, seem happy to say what eating & if it’s good. He usually only asks one person if eating something he doesn’t recognize.

Chef usually smiling and laughing at the guy - really what’s wrong with asking questions about what you are eating? How is it prat? He’s never been chased out.

He has learned a lot about food and cooking.

You say the food is good/ great every time unless there is a big problem eg it’s cold when it should be hot. You don’t give critique unless you are a food critic and actually have expertise on the matter.

how embarrassing, I would refuse to go out with him until he stops

That would irritate me to no end.

I worked as a waitress and there isn't a chance in hell his pernickity comments are reaching the chef. I've already forgotten what he said by the time I've reached the kitchen

and gets cross that they have no idea what they’re serving … then he will walk right into the kitchen to talk/pantomime with “chef” to find out how they make it.

Why he is a prat you ask?