To not want him to complain in restaurants?

[FirecrackerK]

My DP is really into his food, makes most meals at home and even thought about being a chef when he was younger. It's a hobby.

But I'd say 60% of the time when we're out for a meal, if the server asks 'how was your meal?' he doesnt give the obligatory response.

Instead he uses it as an opportunity to moan about the carrots of the gravy or whatever and say 'it could've been more X'. I feel really embarrassed when he does this as other diners are just quietly enjoying their meals!

He stopped for a while because he knew it bothered me but he's back at it again

No he's never sent the food back. But is it any better storing up the criticism for the end?

Well it sounds like he doesn't want to send it back because it's only a small thing he comments on? He's only storing it up for the end because that's when they ask.

I'm guilty of just saying "yes, food was great thanks" when it wasn't. But I don't think he's doing anything wrong by politely answering the question asked.

Yeah this is true I lived in the Netherlands so appreciate directness. I went out with a friend for lunch their roulade (starter)was frozen in the middle and my main was a bit vile. They waiter turned up and they said it was lovely. As they were paying I politely lied too. I wouldn’t go back though.

Oh, it's super cringy.

My sisters DH used to be/is the same. But if it was a female waitress, he'd also take the opportunity to attempt to flirt! Flirting and complaining about the food, with his literal wife - my sister - also sat there, was just dire beyond belief.

Worse still, he's got the cooking skills of a pre-school child. All I've EVER known him make is a spaghetti bolognaise, which, having sampled myself, is only average. So he's hardly in a place to criticize!

This ^

So in other words you think people should lie about a substandard meal unless there's a major problem? Blimey.

If there is really something to complain about, you do it very shortly after being served, so they have a chance to rectify it

If you eat the lot but then make a comment after you've finished, that's tedious and a bit of a dick move

Detailed feedback is better on Tripadvisor etc where management can take note

Definitely explain that it really spoils the occasion for you and you need him to rein it in

Yes, but that’s different! You were at a shit ‘throw it in the microwave’ place, and it wasn’t even barely adequate. It wasn’t edible! Of course you send it back. That’s different to the OP’s husband giving his five-minute rundown on why the carrots with sumac weren’t correctly spiced.

No if it’s substandard then that’s an issue to be mentioned.

i mean if it’s good or fine then you don’t give feedback

I always suspected that this is how most of the restaurants on Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares ended up there: you know the ones, where the owner / chef is insisting “our food is excellent, everyone loves the food, there’s nothing wrong with the food, we ask all our customers how they’re enjoying their meals and nobody ever has anything but praise, our customers would tell us if they didn’t like the food…”

Turns out, customers don’t, they just say everything’s fine.

And This ^

The DP also needs to add to the email his name, address and phone number and invite the chef to contact him for some specialised catering tuition which the chef all too obviously needs(!).

The man sounds an insufferable "look at me" and "wannabe" boor...

Can't see that going down well.
Order £30 bottle of wine. Waiter opens bottle and pours small amount in glass. No, don't like that,can you open a different one please. Waiter pours first bottle down sink. Repeat ad infinitum.
Despite the 'show' some people insist upon, wine is very rarely 'corked'.

OP, I think you should have used the word Critique instead of complain in your title, then I think it would make more sense what he is doing. Yes if the meal is sub standard you should complain but what you are explaining is that the meal is generally fine but he is suggesting tweaks or changes to the meal to (in his opinion) make it better.

If that is what he is doing then yes it is totally cringe worthy and makes him look a tool. I would want the ground to swallow me up if my husband did this.

Well you need to be brutally direct with him.

Either he cuts it out, or you won’t eat out with him again.

Consequences OP!

’What, the new Italian place? Oh sorry I’d rather not, I think I might go with Sue for a friends catch up actually. Sorry, you’ll only complain at the end of the meal and it spoils it really, so if you could just go with someone else maybe -?

The only way to get results. Consequences for bad behaviour!

Read Roald Dahl's The Witches to see what chefs do when a customer complains about food.

Yes I find it obnoxious.

I know he won't take it well if I essentially say I won't go out to eat with him because he enjoys it so much. But my comfort matters!

Dear god.

I've got a friend who does this and it's so embarrassing. She's ridiculously critical - she once sent a pizza back as it was the wrong shape! TBF it's just how she is, which is a massive perfectionist, but for her nearest and dearest this particular habit is cringe. She often gets free drinks etc for making a fuss, but I never want them as by this point I generally want to leave or hide!

Yanbu

My ex used to complain to get free food... he was so embarrassing! He'd eat most of the steak for example, then complain it was too fatty or grisly so they take money off the bill. He even complained about the metal tray some food was on once (the food was on some greaseproof type paper on the tray) saying the type of metal was poisonous and could contaminate the food. This is after he ate said food of course!

he sounds right cringe.

walking out because the (often young and female) waitstaff can't tell you every ingredient in a dish.

marching up to the pass to bother the chefs when they are trying to do their jobs - I might also pretend I could only speak Spanish in that situation, though doesn't seem to put your DH off.

and badgering other tables, I would tell him what I had if he came up to me, but his intrusion would be unwelcome, I can't stand those people who find their partners so boring they insist on making another table their entertainment.

This. Every single one of those things are cringe. Even of the other guests are laughing or whatever judst shows they have enough social skills to be polite.

Ah you have what is know in our house as a Food Wanker. I have one too. Sympathies

If it helps, having teenage children take the piss out of him for being a FW is quite a good way to stop it happening 😉

My husband cooks as a hobby. Last night we chose an Italian. His meal was delicious. Mine, however, chicken pollo risotto was tasteless even the parmesan couldn't save it. I asked him to taste it in case my taste buds weren't working. His opinion it was rice pudding with some chicken cubes added.

He did complain very politely about that saying that it needed, onions, garlic, herbs, seasoning at the very least. So please inform the chef of that.

Never heard back from the chef. 😂

Make a bingo card of all the likely complaints and ostententatiously tick them off as he makes them. Of course when you get a completed line, you'll shout, "BINGO!"
If that doesn't stop him, then go out with a friend instead.

I agree with you, OP. If it's a question of something really being wrong with the food it’s reasonable to say so, but if it’s just a question of taste and preference it isn’t. Some people like their carrots hard, others like them soft. Some people like their gravy seasoned with a lot of herbs, others don’t. A chef who knows they’re already good isn’t going to change things just because one customer would prefer something done a bit differently. The fact that your DH does it so frequently shows that the problem is him rather than them. It's a form of one-upmanship - he’s implying "you may think you’re a Michelin-starred chef but I know more about how to cook carrots than you"!

Tell him he's making you dread going out for meals with him, and spoiling your enjoyment of them.