To not want him to complain in restaurants?

[FirecrackerK]

My DP is really into his food, makes most meals at home and even thought about being a chef when he was younger. It's a hobby.

But I'd say 60% of the time when we're out for a meal, if the server asks 'how was your meal?' he doesnt give the obligatory response.

Instead he uses it as an opportunity to moan about the carrots of the gravy or whatever and say 'it could've been more X'. I feel really embarrassed when he does this as other diners are just quietly enjoying their meals!

He stopped for a while because he knew it bothered me but he's back at it again

I bet if there was a post like this from a woman whose husband or partner did this he'd be accused of silencing her.

It isn’t, you know. Restaurant critics are reviewing what they’re served, not complaining about it. JR is unusual in being very recognisable. Most of the time reviewers are anonymous, keeping their heads down, not being vocal about not liking a dish. They’ll register it in their review, not in person, by and large.

We used to go out as a group and had one member like this. Firstly, they would hold up the person taking the order for a good 15mins on their order alone, uhmming, arrhing, asking 100 questions, changing their mind, asking more questions, asking for all the components to be deconstructed and changed around, nope, changed mind, more questions.

Then at the end they would offer their critique which would go on for over 5mins minimum. Nothing was ever okay. Fair enough if there is something amiss, you should mention it, but we refused to believe that out of all the upscale restaurants we went to not one meal was ever okay. We ended up stopping this as a group as it was so fucking tiresome. Every. Single. Time. Spoilt the meal and night out really.

I'm with you. Your husband would annoy the hell out of me.

I'm pretty sure that this isn't what the OP means though. There's a difference between saying everything is ok when it's not and playing Greg Wallace on Masterchef every time you go out to eat and critiquing the meal to the server. As pp have pointed out, it's highly unlikely that the chef will ever receive those comments.

If he had some real feedback he thought would be beneficial he'd be better off emailing the manager fao the chef. But he won't because he can't "show off" in public that way.

How ick inducing.

To me, it doesn’t sound like this is about the food at all.
It sounds like your DP feels inadequate about something and is taking it out on the food.
Its miserable for you - the odd occasion you could expect but every single time is rude and weird.

If it was me I think I’d say I’m not going out to eat for a while because it’s embarrassing hearing the negative complaints every single time.
Just say you don’t want to go out to eat and would rather stay home or get take out.

I know of relatives & friends who are like this about wine and it’s embarrassing because it’s so snobby and rude & actually, they’re just showing off.

If your DP is that bothered he could write a Tripadvisor review.

"Up to scratch" and "not to my taste" are different things. Your DH is being a wanker.

If the food is under or over cooked, not as described, the wine is corked, chips are cold, only 1 prawn in the prawn dish etc then you have every right to politely complain AT THE TIME OF SERVICE and expect that to be rectified.

You don't like the flavour or the combination? Not enough sauce on the plate? Thought the fish should have been poached not fried? Keep your opinions to yourself. You chose the dish, the chef chooses how to serve it. And certainly don't wang on to the wait
staff at the end of the meal. Very poor show.

Bet he eats it all, too, before these lofty pronouncements.

We have a very dear friend who is a chef who has cooked for royalty, for hundreds of soldiers in the field and for numerous Balls etc., ie he knows his onions!
When we were out to dinner with him and his wife he asked the waiter about how the dessert was made, fresh peaches, fresh raspberry sauce etc. Eventually the chef came out of the kitchen and asked if he would like to come into the kitchen to make our peach melbas which he did and they were delicious! It was all very good natured though, he isn't at all bombastic and the chef came and joined us for drinks later! When he was first coming to us for dinner I was petrified but he was such a good guest and is now my go-to man when I have questions.

Do you meekly accept poor service all the time?

Thanks for the laugh 😂

I am with you OP. This would give me the absolute ick and I wouldn’t want to dine out with him.

Maybe read the post I quoted again.

DH would sooner suffer in silence when given fries instead of potatoes or his sushi is a stodgy lump and I just don’t understand it. He also gets annoyed when I complain about incorrect orders I said that would annoy me. How you got from that I accept bad service meekly, I'm not sure.

But rest assured, I don't.

Thank you! This is a good way for me to put it i think. It affects my comfort level when he does it repeatedly.

I think there's absolutely something to be said if there's something wrong with the dish. And maybe if its REALLY obvious, balance of flavours, over salted etc. But the fact he does it nearly 2/3rds of the time you go out smacks of performative foody-ism. Or not understanding that he's picky. Or not picking the right Michelin star restaurants for his preferences.

Prat that waitstaff doesn’t know what’s serving? Isn’t that waitstaff job? Is there cheese in the XYZ? It’s the job.

Or prat for pantomiming if there’s a language barrier?

When someone moans especially about something relatively minor, it really detracts from a night out for me. Maybe he’s doing it to show off his knowledge and to get one up on the chef - if so then he’s a bit pathetic.

Thing is, OP has told him it bothers her (and if it’s a case of the food not matching his personal taste then why does he need to complain?!) but he’s still doing it. It’s embarrassing for her.
Like a PP said, a server asking if everything is ok isn’t looking for a critique on the flavours etc, they’re asking if there is anything wrong (food is cold or something was missing etc). The chef can’t be expected to do something like make several different kinds of gravy for one dish!

I give up. 😂

Oops. I hope he checked for spit or worse in anything that was served afterwards.

Your thread title doesn't quite match what is happening imo. He's not complaining in the sense that he's flagging the waiter down to tell them there's an issue, or sending the food back. He's just answering the question that's been asked.

This would annoy me unless there really is a genuine problem with the food being not up to the standard of the price. But that regularly, I understand why it’s embarrassing!
maybe talk to him about it again, reiterating how much it annoys you, and ask that in future unless something really isn’t right, he sticks with trip advisor reviews.

This is how I feel.

It's a polite question, a social lubricant. He just doesn't seem to get it.

No he's never sent the food back. But is it any better storing up the criticism for the end?

Definitely. As the only non-Brit in my circle of friends I find it laughable that the entire table will be complaining about their meal but when the waiter comes around everyone says "the meal is great" in unison. Why? Whom does it benefit? You? No, because you eat and pay for sub-par meal. Restaurant? Also no, because without feedback they have no way to improve. The whole "voting with your feet" which is so ubiquitous in Britain is just not a thing in most other countries. You don't like something, you say so and, ore often than not, it will be actioned.

I think I would do two things

1. pre warn the waiter that your DH might be a prick
2. just get up and go to the loo when the waiter asks.

or just jump in and say ‘oh mine was lovely!’