Husband’s gym habit making me ill.

[RubyRedEye]

My husband has been getting up early to go to the gym. He likes that it’s empty and he hasn’t got to wait to use any of the machines.

The problem is that he is getting up at 4.30am.

He tries to be really quiet, but inevitably he is waking me up.

I really struggle to go back to sleep and I’m working full time as a teacher. I’m exhausted. I am also getting dreadful headaches throughout the day, because I’m so tired. I can barely concentrate.

His solution is that he sleeps in the living room. So that’s it? No more sleeping in the same bed. That’s really not what I wanted from a marriage. The idea makes me feel really sad and disconnected from him.

I asked him to go at a different time, but he also goes to the gym from 8-10pm every day, so unless he goes 6-10pm, there’s no other option. He works full time too.

I feel upset that there’s no compromise. He’s all about his health, his fitness, his wellbeing. Whilst mine is going down the pan. He might be able to function on 5 hours sleep a night, but I can’t.

Who is being unreasonable.

Neither of you really. I feel like the compromise of him sleeping on the couch is a fair one! I’d it every day he goes, do you get any nights in bed together?
what about if he came to bed for you to spend some time together then went downstairs to sleep?

So what are you getting from this relationship? He spends 4 hours a day in the gym, works full time. When do see each other?

You’ve said it’s an issue. He’s given a solution. You’re still not happy. Can’t have it all your way.

It seems very unusual to go to the gym twice a day when one of the sessions is already 2 hours. how long is the morning sessions?

Wow. That's a lot of time in the gym!! When do you spend any time together? I would say he might have an addiction?

Not sure what the solution is other than talking it through and coming up with a compromise like certain days are gym days?

He's definitely being unreasonable.

Why does he feel the need to be in the gym that long? Surely he can't be exercising for 4 hours?

He goes to the gym twice a day, for two hours each time, every day?

What is wrong with him that he’s spending four hours a day in the gym???

He goes twice a day every day? That's a wee bit obbsessive.

Keeping fit is so important but It’s of concern he’s spending 4 hours (?) in the gym every day (?). Is he a professional athlete so this may taper off in a few years as he gets older? His gym habits don’t leave much time to hang out.

If he won’t change, I think you need to prioritise your sleep and let him sleep downstairs. He’s prioritising his needs.

Also, are you planning on having children? Think hard before you do - there won’t be time for 4 hours a day at the gym.

I wouldn’t believe someone who said that they were going to the gym that often.

I’m just going into a lesson, so will reply soon.

Very selfish of him. Do you have children together?

I leave for the gym or a run at 5am several times a week but I prep and leave all my kit and things I’m going to take with me downstairs the night before so I don’t need to turn on any lights or make a noise getting ready in the morning. Would that work?

Nobody is training twice a day, every day and working full time.

And when is he doing his share of the housework etc? I bet he isn’t.

Notwithstanding the obviously unhealthy gym addiction, if this was my marriage I would say 'Husband, I respect your hobby so I'll accept your offer to sleep on the sofa. However, our marriage will not survive long term if you do this every night. I think we need to share a bed at least 4 times a week. I'll leave it to you to decide whether you go to gym seven mornings a week and eventually lose your wife, or three mornings a week and have a long and happy marriage. You choose what's most important to you - wife or gym."

Affair. No one spends four hours a day in the gym. Get on that find my iPhone app.

I think the effect on your sleep, while important, is only a small part of the issue.

He’s either got an unhealthy gym obsession, prioritising it above sleep, time with his family, sleeping in bed with his wife

Or he’s not actually going to the gym…

Does his body look like he spends 4 hrs daily in the gym OP?

Is he really at the gym?

Hope you don't have DC or are considering DC in the near future.

I'd definitely let him sleep in the living room first and foremost. But my spider senses would be sending me on a mini clue hunt for what's he's really up to. If he's genuinely at the gym then definitely don't have DC with him.

Are you sure he is actually in the gym in the evenings? 4 hours a day in the gym is absolutely excessive. No one would get up at 4:30 to go to the gym in the morning if they knew they would be doing 2 hour workout in the evening. I'm sorry I would look into this further.

I wouldn't either, he's not training very hard when he's there if he's there for that long. He should also have time to recover in between training sessions.

Yeah he isn’t at the gym twice a day every day. Do some digging.

Wow that's excessive, training 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours at night. That's not normal OP.

Four hours a day at the gym is obsessive. You being woken up evry day is not the main problem here.