Husband’s gym habit making me ill.

[RubyRedEye]

My husband has been getting up early to go to the gym. He likes that it’s empty and he hasn’t got to wait to use any of the machines.

The problem is that he is getting up at 4.30am.

He tries to be really quiet, but inevitably he is waking me up.

I really struggle to go back to sleep and I’m working full time as a teacher. I’m exhausted. I am also getting dreadful headaches throughout the day, because I’m so tired. I can barely concentrate.

His solution is that he sleeps in the living room. So that’s it? No more sleeping in the same bed. That’s really not what I wanted from a marriage. The idea makes me feel really sad and disconnected from him.

I asked him to go at a different time, but he also goes to the gym from 8-10pm every day, so unless he goes 6-10pm, there’s no other option. He works full time too.

I feel upset that there’s no compromise. He’s all about his health, his fitness, his wellbeing. Whilst mine is going down the pan. He might be able to function on 5 hours sleep a night, but I can’t.

Who is being unreasonable.

I totally agree! (And MN couldn't make it any easier with the "see all" functionality.) I always read ALL the OP's posts before commenting (if I'm going to) to make sure I'm up-to-date - particularly important if the thread is a few days or more old like this one.

So OP, I'm very late to the discussion, but I think you and your DH have a lovely relationship and did a great job of resolving this hiccup, even though it wasn't easy. Nice work! 😃

My husband, now ex was exactly the same, not same times, but every single day, obsessed w his image and himself. Also used steroids! Gym more important than me or our son. He eventually walked after 28 years together, so it's a dangerous slope your on! He's now w new partner who is a gym bunny, and they spend all their time at gym! If a gym is more important than you, seems to me there's a bigger issue.

Sounds like he’s not at the gym - sorry but he probably has something else going on

That’s you though isn’t it? Not the OP

@Ollie2008 @CaraMum MN has this really useful functionality where, when you're looking at the OP's first (or indeed, any) post, you can click on "OP posts: See all" in the bottom right corner to see ALL of OP's posts with ALL the information they've provided. If you'd bothered to do this on this thread, you'd have seen your posts are superfluous and wrong. Sigh.

Google..'is 4 hours a day training at the gym excessive?'. And show him the results

People are hanging on to the idea of 4 hours in the gym as completely unreasonable, but clearly havent been to the gym in their life. You dont leave the house and teleport instantly to your first set of weights. Getting up, dressing, preparing your gym bag, leaving the house, travelling to the gym, that all takes around half an hour. Say the session is an hour long. Finishing up and gettiing a shower getting dressed and travelling back home is maybe anothet half an hour, so out of that 4 hours lets say you're getting 2x 1 hour workouts a day. What is he training? Is he in competition for an athletic sport? When competing in kickboxing i would train 6 mornings a week in my gym for various martial arts classes and sparring sessions and multiple evenings in a seperate gym for weights cardio and conditions, and all of this was completely necessary to be at any kind of competitive level. Even if he isnt directly competing, it is something that he clearly has a great deal of energy and passion for. Have you considered perhaps joining him on some of his evening or morning gym sessions? Rather than forcing him to compromise by reducing his involvement in his own passions or listening to insecure idiots trying to convince you he is being dishonest, make a step towards your husband and join in on his passion, he will probably appreciate this effort and bring you closer to him.

Are you you 100 percent sure he's going to the gym? Sounds a bit suspicious to me. If he is then definitely addictive behaviour but in terms of your sleep I am sure there's a solution. Is it more that you are annoyed with how much time he is spending away from you?

He’s addicted. Two gym sessions in a day is elite athlete level so unless he is that, he has a problem (or he is lying about it to do something else).

Neither of u r, but u r so annoyed with him u can’t sleep and r blaming him. U need to get over it.

Amen!

I used to do this, my husband didn't seem to mind. I had to stop doing it when I had children, until they got old enough. Can you go to bed earlier? If he is really into exercise as I was it's really hard to give it up. If he's selfish about everything else in your life, leave or definitely don't have kids.

This intensity/frequency of exercise is excessive especially if he did not move a lot before taking this routine up, and dangerous considering his sciatica. The explanation as to why he needs to lose this weight so quickly and in this specific manner is weak. He sounds very black and white, very inflexible. Since you mentioned his previous anxiety issues I'd consider looking at mental health as a factor.

Oh my god, that’s such a good idea!!!

Go to the gym with him!! I get up at 2.30am,go to the gym then. Do a 12hr manual job, and I'm not exhausted. A investment in.your health and wellbeing is priceless.

@Lisajane47 that's insanity not 'investing in your health and wellbeing'. Sleep is also good for that.

Well, it isn’t because ‘A’ he is actually doing what he says he is and ‘B’ an AirTag will warn him that it is in his gym bag.

Ah, I stand corrected. Seems he is going to the gym anyway as I’ve since read more posts x

i stand corrected.

Why does he go every day? When are his rest days? Have you noticed any difference?

I'm in my 40s and go to the gym three times a week (four if I have time), with each session lasting about 1.5 hours. You don't actually need more than an hour. I have a six-pack and stay in good shape, so there might be something else going on here.

You are NOT being unreasonable

If you cba to read the whole thread, at least read all of the op's posts. You'd see this has been answered and the issue resolved.

I’ve read all your posts and I’m glad that things are working out for you now.
literally 🤦‍♀️😂