Husband’s gym habit making me ill.

[RubyRedEye]

My husband has been getting up early to go to the gym. He likes that it’s empty and he hasn’t got to wait to use any of the machines.

The problem is that he is getting up at 4.30am.

He tries to be really quiet, but inevitably he is waking me up.

I really struggle to go back to sleep and I’m working full time as a teacher. I’m exhausted. I am also getting dreadful headaches throughout the day, because I’m so tired. I can barely concentrate.

His solution is that he sleeps in the living room. So that’s it? No more sleeping in the same bed. That’s really not what I wanted from a marriage. The idea makes me feel really sad and disconnected from him.

I asked him to go at a different time, but he also goes to the gym from 8-10pm every day, so unless he goes 6-10pm, there’s no other option. He works full time too.

I feel upset that there’s no compromise. He’s all about his health, his fitness, his wellbeing. Whilst mine is going down the pan. He might be able to function on 5 hours sleep a night, but I can’t.

Who is being unreasonable.

It's a perfectly acceptable personal choice to spend 4 hours exercising alone a day.

But. In addition to working full time, it's only a choice you can make if you're either happy to be single, or the person you are in a relationship with knows about this from the outset and is happy with it.

It is deeply selfish to be in a relationship with someone if this wasn't something you always did.

What positives are you getting currentky from staying married to him op?

Agree. I think he is having an affair.

I am an avid gym goer, and exercise most days - but why does he need to go twice per day? That is excessive.

That’s quite extreme. Either he’s got a bit of an obsession with fitness, which is a bit concerning in itself, or he’s not actually at the gym. 🤔

My DH gets up to go to the gym at 5am, and he's a teacher...

2x a day is odd I'd try and compromise on that!

There is no issue. We haven't shared a bed unless forced to (visits, holidays) for years. (Together now for nearly 25 years). My partner is always cold, I've always been prone to overheating, especially since menopause. Ridiculous to expect us both to be unhappy and sleep badly because convention dictates that your relationship depends on whether you share a bed. Rich people have always had separate bedrooms because they've been able to it. Bizarre to think that our relationship would fall apart just because we both have the pleasure of having our own kingsize beds to roll over in and a duvet of our preferred weight and the windows open or shut as we prefer?

How long is he in the gym each day!?
That's the most concerning aspect of your post...
My husband and I compromised when he needed to get up early for the gym and it was disturbing me - he alternated between mornings & evenings so it was less consistently disruptive.
But he also endeavoured to be much quieter when getting up because I also can't fall back asleep and tbf once he started making a conscious effort he hardly woke me up - make sure he doesn't need to do anything in your bedroom other than get out of bed. So he keeps his clothes elsewhere etc.

I don't know anyone that would get up at 4.30am to go to the gym, work full time then go for another 2 hours in the evening. Seriously suspect. Put an air tag in his gym bag.

You obviously don’t know me.

I am not having an affair!

Doesn't sound like you're having much of a life either.

Do you have time to do anything else?

OP you should tell him that research shows sleeping with a partner every night is one of the best things you can do for your physical and mental health - this is true.

I wouldn't accept him being gone 4 hours a day on top of his job. When are you supposed to see each other? He is prioritising his hobby over everything else. I think you need to make it clear that you don't accept this and he'll need to come up with another plan.

YABU in the mornings , as you should be cheerleading him instead of telling him reasons why he shouldn't.

He is BU in the evenings - why the hell is he going every night too?

@User19876536484 I feel so lazy reading the post 😂😂😂😂

I don’t believe he’s spending all that time in the gym.

Of course. Although I expect my life is different to yours.

no one spends this much time in a gym unless something is really wrong / weird.

either he is going to the gym and having an affair (very possible given the sheer volume of time) or it’s just the gym.
If it’s the latter it sounds massively obsessive and unhealthy…and is a problem in and of itself.

For context, my friend who was actually in the youth olympics trained slightly less than this….(for anyone wondering she’s sat next to me hence how I know ☺️)

He's not at the gym 4 hours a day, seven days a week. There's something else going on in his life. Or someone else. Sorry.

I do take Sundays off and only do three hours on Saturday morning.

I would just get up and go to the gym with him. (assuming you have no kids, but if you do, say it's YOUR turn).
Who is he seeing at the gym for all these excessive hours each day?

Can I just clear something up to all the people aren't this thread who aren't in to fitness...

It is absolutely normal to exercise 4 hours a day, with the first one at 4.30am. Ask any swimmer. And they do it because they enjoy it.

My husband gets up at 4.30 for work. I usually wear an eye mask and white noise band thing. Tbh most days I don't usually hear him.

No idea why you're posting on this thread, but are you absolutely sure you're putting the washing powder or liquid in the right compartment of the detergent tray? I have a friend whose washing didn't smell fresh and wasn't very clean and it turned out she'd been putting the detergent in the rinse aid compartment. Miele is about the best washing machine on the market, so go back to the manufacturer and ask.

I'd wash anything sweaty or smelly at 40 degrees at least. Check your labels to see if your garments can be washed even hotter. There's a Dettol laundry disinfectant that you can use which says it destroys bacteria. I guess it might destroy the bacteria in sweat and help prevent odours.

Is your husband ok? 4 hours at the gym every day is not normal. It's either a sign of orthorexia, sport bulimia, ADHD (addiction to endorphins released during sport), body dysmorphia or he's not going to gym and using it as an excuse to do something else you don't know about.

That is unless there's another reason you are aware of and are ok with. (Eg he's a fitness influencer, takes part in competitive sports or uses the gym to cope with something that would be more damaging to life, like addiction).

His solution to waking you is fine. Four hours daily in the gym is not. Do you have children OP?

He is going to burn out at some point OP