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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared to have another baby after DH poor show last time.

266 replies

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:08

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

OP posts:
readysteadynono · 08/10/2024 00:11

That’s horrific. Do you still love him? I don’t think I could love someone who treated me that way. I’d probably be planning my divorce.

Mmhmmn · 08/10/2024 00:11

Just abominable. Such a shocking lack of care. Breathtaking OP. YAdefinitelyNBU.

FuzzyGoblin · 08/10/2024 00:12

I’d be divorcing him, not considering having more children.

Mmhmmn · 08/10/2024 00:12

I think this is the first AIBU I’ve ever seen thats got 100% agreement that YANBU.

Original poster
FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:13

To be honest no I don’t think I do love him anymore. I suffered with depression in pregnancy and he said ‘I wish you’d offed yourself when you were depressed’ the day before we went in to have her. After that I’ve struggled to really love him.

OP posts:
Peacelily001 · 08/10/2024 00:14

One of the worst things I’ve read on here.
Get yourself a good lawyer and LTB.

WanderlyWagonInWales · 08/10/2024 00:14

Leave. Leave now and don’t look back. He is vile and you deserve so much more than that.

Guavafish1 · 08/10/2024 00:15

Get rid of him… you’ll have the same problem

Mmhmmn · 08/10/2024 00:16

So he’s also extremely cruel and twisted. No wonder you were depressed with a man like that. Definitely don’t have more kids with him - you need to get rid of him, not get further in.

annielouisa · 08/10/2024 00:17

All l have to say is LTB this is one of the most disturbing things l have read. He is just going to get worst !

5foot5 · 08/10/2024 00:17

Good God, why are you still with this awful bastard. Leave as soon as possible, you will be better off without him.

Why would you even consider having another child with this waste of space

offyoujollywelltrot · 08/10/2024 00:19

Why on EARTH would you consider having another child with this man?!

InBedBy10 · 08/10/2024 00:20

YABU to still be with this man.

Seriously leave the bastard.

TMess · 08/10/2024 00:20

There is no good quality he could possibly have that could outweigh this OP. Bin him.

Dotto · 08/10/2024 00:21

He is atrocious, no excuses. He is an utterly abusive and unsuitable husband and father. Fucking shameful.

Georgie743 · 08/10/2024 00:23

This is horrific. Especially your update.
please leave this man. Get far away.

if you want another child, you can in the future with a nice, normal partner, or a sperm donor.

whenemmafallsinlove · 08/10/2024 00:23

Wtf! I think you could probably get a divorce on grounds of cruelty! My daughter just had a baby. My son in law loves his sleep but he has been up nights, taking over at 4am, keeping her calm and working. Because that's what a man is actually built to do.
Leave and don't look back. He could have left your child without a mother by saying things like that to you.

TurquoiseBear · 08/10/2024 00:23

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:13

To be honest no I don’t think I do love him anymore. I suffered with depression in pregnancy and he said ‘I wish you’d offed yourself when you were depressed’ the day before we went in to have her. After that I’ve struggled to really love him.

Jesus Op that’s utterly awful.
Let alone what you write in your original post.
Tbh, I’m echoing what other posters have said. I 100% would be leaving him, not considering having another child with him.

JHound · 08/10/2024 00:25

FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:08

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

YANBU

Men who use the “oh I’m a man we don’t etc.” are excuse making t*sspots. It’s not “men” it’s just him and he is making excuses. I understand wanting all of your children in one place but please be aware he won’t be of any help.

Dotto · 08/10/2024 00:25

whenemmafallsinlove UK law has changed so anybody can get divorced easier, online, without requiring any reason or even the other person's agreement.

Run, OP x

Original poster
FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:26

He was the one asking for a new baby. I think I was able to ‘bob’ along but the idea of any further commitment to him is too much to overcome after the things he’s said and done.

I think it ‘ended’ for me in those early newborn days. But I do need to put the wheels in motion to leave.

OP posts:
Peacelily001 · 08/10/2024 00:28

Do you have friends/family for support OP?

rainbowlou · 08/10/2024 00:31

He is an absolute cunt, and I don’t use that word often.
you deserve so much better x

Mamabobogo · 08/10/2024 00:32

Honestly, leave him, he’s vile!

Original poster
FabricFrog · 08/10/2024 00:32

Peacelily001 · 08/10/2024 00:28

Do you have friends/family for support OP?

Thankfully yes, quite a big family around me. We certainly won’t suffer through a breakup, if anything it’ll be the making of me.

OP posts:
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