To be scared to have another baby after DH poor show last time.

[FabricFrog]

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

I think you know that you shouldn't have another baby with this man. I don't know how you could bring yourself to sleep with him again anyway but also if you were poorly again this time he'd be leaving you to look after a baby and another little one on your own.

I'd personally tell him that it brings out the worst in him, reminding him what he said about you killing yourself, and you're not willing to go through it again because of his actions.

Interestingly my dh trots out the same line about men needing more sleep than women - he does do his share but he's a nightmare when he's tired - yet I read a study the other day that suggested the exact opposite. Actually it's women who need more sleep, we just don't fucking get it.

I've heard the 'men need sleep' before - my first fil literally believed and told me it was natural for women not to sleep but not men! I always wonder why then, until quite recent times, it was only men on the frontlines of battles/war and even emergency services- I'd not realised war had a stop for sleep clause. It's the most ridiculous idea.
However, that musing is really irrelevant here - I'm appalled for you and your child you ended up with such an awful husband/father. It's not even the 'sleep' clause it's the terrible things he said to you, the beyond zero support - seems he's ok, or even likes, seeing you suffer.
I wouldn't debate having a child with him though as he's never going to 'understand' and will make you feel worse about it all over again. Just make sure it can't happen and hopefully make plans to leave. I can't imagine the rest of your life with him, outside the horror of the birth, is moonlight and roses, or even nearly ok. You deserve much, much more, as does your child.
Thoughts to you both xx

Leave him. He is abusive.

Oh my gosh!! That is some of the worst I’ve read on here in quite some time. You deserve so much better than this!!

and no, men are just as able to deal with sleep deprivation. They actually need (a little!) less sleep than women.

my fiancé stayed up all night in an uncomfortable hospital chair whilst we were waiting to find out whether I had a herniated disc or not… if he can do that (when we had just moved in together), your H can stay up to help care for your shared child!

I wouldn’t spend another day with him, let alone have another baby with him. I’d just leave if you have a large supportive family. Sort out shared finances later on. What a horrible man, and i’ve seen lots of examples of horrible men on here, but he’s right up there

Oh OP I don't know how you can even look at him, let alone sleep with him.

What a truly cruel appallingly selfish man.

This was distressing to read so goodness knows how awful it was to experience.

Best wishes to you for your future without him.

Why on earth are you with this person?

He sounds incredibly selfish, I wouldn't have another baby with a man like that

What are you even thinking about another baby?, you need to be thinking about leaving. You don't love him and honestly he sounds vile. He will most definitely act the exact same way the second time around

He sounds absolutely awful. This is not normal behaviour from a caring partner at all. I’m so sorry you’ve been through this.

He wants a boy.

you deserve to not even have to ask this question. Xx

Urgghhh reminds me of my STBXH. Purposely drove home from the hospital like a maniac after my c section even though I was in agony and begged him to slow down and stop taking corners on two wheels. One of the many reasons he's now an ex.

He got way worse after the second one.

My DH does a lot more night wakings than me... Men and women both need equal sleep. A woman who's gone through a traumatic medical procedure obviously needs more sleep.

OP I absolutely wouldn't have another baby with this man. Please leave him

I voted YABU to be still with this horrible man and even consider having another child with him. He sounds vile.

This is a no brainer for me. Leave him.

Please leave. He doesn’t deserve you or the child he has, let alone another one.

This is despicable. I would 100% hold off, If I was to guess, this selfishness isn't the first time he's been rude & insensitive is it? Proper Gentleman don't behave this way. You had major surgery due to an emergency and he slept all night then was disrespectful. I don't mean to be direct but the sound of him gives me the ick. You need to be supported, looked after, cared for. He sounds immature. Hope your doing okay you and you're baby x

How did it go after the initial first days? I am guessing you did every night waking etc etc? I had the same situation - I did have baby no 2 (and very glad I did). I then left exh when baby no 2 was 2 as I never got over the resentment and stopped loving or even liking him.
fortunately I was in a position where I was the main earner and so leaving was manageable as I could afford to go and rent somewhere else whilst we sold the house so that was one big part sorted.

Just read your updates - definitely leave, your life would be immeasurably better. For what it’s worth exh is a marginally better parent when he only has to do it twice a week and the kids are very settled and happy

Please pull the trigger on splitting up.
I'm a lone parent. My life is very peaceful despite working full time etc

Imagine a future where you get sick/elderly and you need a supportive partner. Would your husband tenderly care for you, nurse you, pick up all the slack so that you can recover ………. Or would he drop you and run a mile. You know the answer. You should run a mile from him.

Please don’t ever have another child with that man and kick him the fuck out as soon as possible. Why on earth would you even consider it again? Is your self esteem that low that you’d have sex let alone another baby with someone that calls you a psychopath? Perhaps therapy is needed.

OP I'm so sorry about this abusive prick and all that you have been through.
You know the answer to your initial question.
Please please get the wheels in motion this week to split.
He doesnt care for you and your update is alarming and worrying.
Good luck💐

I definitely wouldn’t be having another baby with him. When he said he want one, did you remind if of his shitty behaviour last time?

This tells me everything I need to know.

Not even a stranger would tell you this or a woman you met in the street.

This is not a man that loves you or even likes you. I would quite rightly be absolutely terrified of a future with him.

m I know it is hard but get yourself a counsellor in abusive relationship and plan an exit. Can you imagine being ill or entering old age with him? He’s vile.