To be scared to have another baby after DH poor show last time.

[FabricFrog]

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

He is absolutely vile.

Do not have another baby with this man. Please throw him out, you'll be so much happier. You and your child deserve so much more.

Can already tell that you'll be absolutely fine, who gives a fuck whether he will be.

Oh OP. Your DH has shown you his true self.

I think you need to be questioning whether you want this man to be your husband who should be your main support in life going forward.

What happens if you become ill, really ill, will he look after you? Will he help you? Will he decide men aren’t natural carers and leave you?

Think of your child and leave! You both deserve so much better. He actually sounds evil.

A good solicitor op. Leave him and don't look back.

That is utterly disgusting behaviour from him and abusive.

No need to find grounds for divorce these days.

Great. Get legal advice, but all of that will make getting this nasty piece of work out of your life so much easier.

Op what you went through sounds horrific. From a personal point have you spoken to the hospital and had a sit down to go through your notes and what happened there? My ds birth was traumatic (nothing compared to yours though) and I found it helped.
As for your husband he is more than disgusting. It doesn't matter who you are but to ignore and show disdain to someone in pain and need like you were is shocking.bhe sounds almost like a sociopath who has no empathy.
You don't need to live like this, you are worth so much more

OP I’ve just read you own your home and have a good job and support system.
A lot of women are trapped with an abusive man.
You don’t need to be.
He is an abuser. Plain and simple.
Do not have another child with this man and get out.
The way he treated you during childbirth and after is absolutely vile.
You can have your own happy home with you and your DC.
In time, you can meet someone else, and possibly have another child born with a loving partner and father who cares for you both.
You get the gift of one life don’t have regrets by giving this man any more of yours.

Of course you’re not unreasonable!!!! Shit from him. As a pp has said - do you still love him?? X

Have no more children with this man.

He's shown by his actions what he things a woman is and should be able to do with no and I really do mean no help from him (aside from being the sperm donor here).

There is nothing as effective as a form of birth control as a weak man. It tends to turn a woman off having sex with him. Show me a man who can step up to the plate, share the load (both mental and physical), is loving and kind and considerate of his partner and I'll show you a bloke who has a healthy sex life!

I had an emergency c/s and when we got back from hospital dh helped out as much as he could - that is what a ‘normal’ man does.
dont have another child with this man, or even stay with him.

Please don't have another child with this man and if you feel strong enough leave him.

He's nasty and unkind to you, not supportive, I'm surprised you're still married after that behaviour, never mind having another baby

Bloody hell. Definitely do not have another child with this man. Why are you still with him?

He's awful! I thought I was going to read that he was a bit hapless and useless and recommend you get a friend/ family member to support you through a second birth. But he is nasty and cruel. Please get away from him.

For a bit of context OP of what a good DH did (and was only DP at the time). He stayed as late as he was allowed, so about 11.30pm, did everything for DS before he went, asked the midwives to show him what to do, came back for 8am the next morning, stayed all day, looked after me, looked after DS, did everything except feed him (ebf), came back in the next day and repeat, I was allowed home that afternoon, he then did pretty much EVERYTHING for the next 6 weeks including staying up for 48hrs the day we came home as he was too scared not to watch DS sleep just in case anything happened, he used to do the midnight/1am feed so I could go to bed early, he did ask the cooking, cleaning, nappy changes, waited on me as I had a rough recovery. My mental health hasn't been great recently, he's ensured I got the help I needed!
Your 'D'H sounds like a total asshole, why would you even consider a second baby with him?! Definitely LTB you'll and your LO will be far better off without him.

Leave him and never look back.
His actions have shown you the type of person he really is - cruel , abusive unreliable
Im amazed you are still with him after what he’s put you through.
Hes the problem not the solution

This is very similar to my experience of birth, really showed me who XH was. I got divorced as soon as I could. You are right, it will be the making of you.

Love, he told you he wanted you dead.

He neglected and insulted and treated you like shit after the most traumatic time of your life.

Please don't get pregnant by him again. You know EXACTLY what will happen if you do.

See a solicitor asap. Bear in mind that as you're married he'll have rights to your property, so you'll need their professional advice.

Your and your child's future can be left in the hands of this man - or in yours.

So why is he so keen on having another baby? Let me take a wild guess, your first was a girl and being a manly sort of chap he wants a boy to bring up in his image, form a dynasty and prove what virile boy making sperm he has.

Please please take your dd and run away from this man.

@Matildahoney
Please get him some chocolates and put love from Mumsnet on the card 🤗 He sounds lovely

“Poor show” being the understatement of the century. Please don’t waste another day of your life on this man. He’s pathetic and cruel.

Also, the deception required to lie to medical staff and pretend he’s taking care of you… he’s not just cruel and I do wonder if he’s an actual psychopath.

Are you unreasonable to say no more children?

You'd be unreasonable not to divorce the twat!

My DH really suffered (much more than I did) with the broken sleep when our DS was newborn but he wouldn't have dreamt of sloping off to the spare room, much less name-calling!

I've just read your updates

Honestly OP, get rid of him and do it at the earliest opportunity.