To be scared to have another baby after DH poor show last time.

[FabricFrog]

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

But there's no sense of him having any rights to the house or to live in it? It's in the OP's mother's name with her having the right to live in it - he doesn't!

He sounds like my ex DH before I left him. He behaved terribly after I had the baby, called me 'psychotic' and 'manipulative' because I had a C section and needed help looking after DC.

OP, from someone who has been there, men like this get worse not better. He is a bully and will grind you down. Your DC will end up witnessing the way he treats you and think it is normal.

I left and have one DC and am so so grateful that I didn't subject my child to his dad's abuse of me.

That doesn't make sense though. Life interest means that someone can live there until they die and then the owner can do what they want with it. It makes no sense for someone to put in their Will that a house will be left to an older person and life interest to their child because that means the owner will get zero benefit from owning the property.

When this house was being discussed to be left to me my mum said it was best to put it in her name with lifetime enjoyment to myself.

"Lifetime enjoyment" isn't a thing in the UK afaik. But tbf the OP hadn't said she lives in the UK. "What's probably happened here is that the OP's mother bought/owns the house and is just letting the OP live there. And if that is the case, she may inherit the house from her mother one day, but until then she doesn't have any rights.

It may not make any sense and it may not be the usual way of doing things but from my reading of the situation, the ex has no claim, which is all that matters!

I didn't actually say he was entitled to anything from the house. I said the OP is not as safe as she thinks she is (if she thinks nothing can happen to the house).

But then you mentioned the ex. And so I pointed out it actually depends on the agreement between the OP and her mother about the house. Because if they are viewed as tenants, he does actually have the right to stay there until the tenancy is changed.

Edited because I read your update. Well done!!

Locks changed today OP! I don't trust him to stay away.
Great update. Well done!

Please do change the locks OP.

IF this OW exists, there’s no guarantee she wants a cocklodger. You can bet as soon as he got your texts, he was msg her saying ‘guess what? I made the decision to leave and I’m free! I’ll come straight to yours after my work trip’.
But it doesn’t mean she’ll let him stay and at that point he’ll try and move back in with you.

Pack his stuff. Into a garage or drop at his parents etc.
💐

I could not bring myself to be near him let alone have sex with him. It certainly isn't making love.

I voted you are BU OP, simply because you've even given the matter any thought. I haven't read the full thread, but was getting the gist that you're giving serious thought to leaving him. If that's the case, go ahead and do it A.S.A.P. He doesn't deserve you or the child he already has.

Great to hear he's going to make it easy for you by behaving like a total bellend and pretend/actually have another woman. Get on the case tomorrow for a divorce lawyer.

This!

Good riddance to him. You are well shot.

Do not settle for anything other than love and adoration if you ever decide to get into a relationship again. He is vile and full of shit.

A real man steps up for the people he loves, supports and takes care of them.

I had an emergency CS on my first. I was in shock and shaking. My husband had never even held a baby and minded her solely for the first few hours of her birth. The hospital (ireland) has a strict rule that partners cannot stay so he had to leave that night while I was still unable to move from the epidural, he fought to stay and help. Then he was there at 9am the next morning and left when they kicked him out doing everything with our daughter. I was trying to feed her myself but milk never came in, she was starving and I was traumatised. I opted to bottle feed and they let us home after 4 days I hadn't slept in 6 nights. We got home and he sent me to bed and he minded and fed her for 2 days while I slept and recovered and he brought me meals in bed etc. That is what your ex should have done for you. That is what you do for someone you love. Support at the hardest time of their life.

I am so angry reading this!

He’s a cunt. First time I’ve used that word but I just read that he told you he wishes you’d killed yourself, that he’s already done better, and that he left you in agony after birth while lying that he was helping you. If ever someone deserved to be called a cunt it’s him. Thank god you’ve found the strength and means to toss him where he belongs.

@FabricFrog please do not have another child with this sperm donor. Get him out of your lives. He's not fit to be a husband and father. You both deserve so much more. Leave, give yourself time to heal. Then live a happy bastard free life. I wish you and your daughter a happy future.