DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

[CocoMaroon]

DH and I have separate bank accounts, I work part time on a low wage and DH is a much higher earner (£47k) When our children were born I opened savings accounts for them and make sure I put in any left over birthday money, Christmas money etc and I pay in an amount each month out of my own account.

Since they were born I have asked my husband to set up a standing order from his account (alongside mine) and he’s not bothered. Our oldest is now 13 and when I think of how much more could be in his account if DH had been paying money in.

He says he never gets around to it, never has the chance, I’ve begged him, nagged him, walked him to their bank so he could set it up, he took the details promising he would do it that evening. That was a year ago 😡

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

AIBU??

Does he pay for the majority of their day to day stuff? What about the mortgage/bills?

YABU, he clearly doesn't want to so why are you so insistent on it?

YABU only because you're nagging on something he doesn't want to do.

Leave it alone. And when you pay out to the kids, make sure they know it's from you and not him.

Yeah he does pay for the majority of stuff although I do pay for a fair bit too out of my wages. Overall he does pay for a lot more.

YABU - perhaps DH wants to have flexible access to your family money? Perhaps there is none spare?

He is allowed to feel differently than you on this. For what it’s worth , DH set up
pensions with £500 each for our kids a couple of years ago. I was against it as in my view we didn’t really have that money spare and it wasn’t the priority in my view.

So rude of you to make him look tight in front of your parents .

Then why does he need to be putting money into their savings too? £47k isn’t a massively high income to be raising a family on.

My DH doesn’t pay into the children’s savings accounts, but he does contribute to our joint family savings.

If you are married does it matter who puts the money in?

Exactly

The OP can always work full time if she's insistent everyone gives money to her kids.

It’s such a shame as the children would have had potentially triple of what they will have when they turn 18/21 if he had bothered to set up a standing order. He’s not short of cash and could afford something.

That’s not a high family earnings pot to be putting money aside in children’s’ bank accounts

It’s not possible for me to work full time due to childcare etc.

If you want him to contribute to their savings, maybe you should work full-time and free up some of his income?

I believe that even on a low wage most people can afford to put something aside - even if it’s only £10 per month.

I'm a believer in saving, but not in saving directly into children's accounts.
If you do that then you have no say if they waste it all at 18.

Is your DH saving at all, or just spending?

We have triple your family income and our children don’t even have savings accounts. We have our own savings, that will be used to help them out when they’re older, but not money that they will have control over when they reach a certain age.

I’m a carer for our disabled child so I can’t work full time.

There are good arguments for not putting all spare cash into your children’s names. Do you have your own savings?

I do have my own savings account too.

No he doesn’t save.

Then maybe you need to accept that your household income isn't large enough for you to put more money away than you currently do.

47k isn't a huge amount when you have multiple children and a wife who is only working part-time. I appreciate you're caring for your child but that does mean his income has to stretch much further than it would otherwise do.

Well I can only put in so much as I don’t get paid much, he could afford to put in a bit more.

It was rude of you to point this out infront of your parents. It was manipulative and belittling and I would have called you out for it in front of them

My issue is that he could definitely afford even £20 each per month and that would have made a difference to how much they would end up with eventually.

But you might also have been harder up day to day in that scenario?
My partner and I are on a much higher income than your family but do not save money in our childrens names - we believe our children benefit just as much from us saving that money for the whole family to benefit eg by reducing the mortgage on the family home, and we don't want restricted access to money saved in childrens names.
Its not always what people want to do - it can create a perception that money isn't to be touched even in a time of financial hardship for the family which in my opinion is foolish.

If you want to put money into a savings account for your children that’s up to you. You can’t force him to though, especially as he’s paying for the majority of the household expenses.
You say he could afford to put money in, but that he doesn’t currently save any money. What do you think he should be spending less on so that he can redirect that money into their savings accounts?