DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

[CocoMaroon]

DH and I have separate bank accounts, I work part time on a low wage and DH is a much higher earner (£47k) When our children were born I opened savings accounts for them and make sure I put in any left over birthday money, Christmas money etc and I pay in an amount each month out of my own account.

Since they were born I have asked my husband to set up a standing order from his account (alongside mine) and he’s not bothered. Our oldest is now 13 and when I think of how much more could be in his account if DH had been paying money in.

He says he never gets around to it, never has the chance, I’ve begged him, nagged him, walked him to their bank so he could set it up, he took the details promising he would do it that evening. That was a year ago 😡

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

AIBU??

These are valid points - but he should have said them to OP, not said he would and not got round to it. I know some men do this - I’ve had this with DH on a different issue and it’s bloody infuriating.

OP, I’d have whispered back, you’ve said for ages you’ll do it - why haven’t you? You need to force him to say why he hasn’t. If he thinks he shouldn’t need to because of what he contributes to the household, then he needs to be an adult and say that.

But I agree with others that it wasn’t best said in front of your parents.

They can't afford for him to pay into savings for the children - they have nothing left over after he's paid the bills.

The only buffer he has is 2k that came from a workplace payout of some kind - so if he pays into the kids' savings, they either need to cut back elsewhere or use up their buffer - which leaves them up shit creek if they need to replace an appliance or he finds himself out of work.

I'm confused by the updates. You say he has a couple of grand left over each month but then you say this 2k is actually a buffer in his account so there is no money left over.
The 2k always stays there and all the wages are being spent.

Myself and DH have separate accounts, he is a high earner and I work PT. However each month we sit down and work out the money together. We get alot of money in but bloody hell, it goes out just as fast.
I think you need to sit down with DH and work out the finances.
You seem to think there is a ton of money left over each month and maybe there isn't.

I put a small amount onto our 3 children's savings each month. I wouldn't even ask DH to do it as I know there is little spare and we prioritise money into our savings / paying off debts.

Also I'd rather save a little each month than think about how much there could be if I saved X when I know X isn't a reality.
We'd all love to give our kids 10-20k when they turn 18 but we need to be realistic with what we're working with.

To be honest it sounds like both of you are a bit clueless about your family finances in general.

I think this sums it up.

I'd also say it's incredibly sensible to keep a buffer in your account just in case it's needed - putting money in an account for the children when you have barely anything for yourself makes no sense whatsoever, and could be absolutely disastrous down the line.

Yes this is sensible, it’s nice to know that we have that money should we need it.

I think you need to view this differently. You have separate bank accounts but you say he pays more for the shared expenses, therefore I would view both of your accounts as effectively shared and the money you happen to transfer to the kids savings from the account in your own name is shared. Not Mine and Yours. and Peace will prevail ❤️

No offence taken! We are both a bit clueless it’s true.

Yes that is right, we are married so what’s in my account is his and vice versa.

It makes me laugh when people say that over £50k (husband's £47k + OP's part-time wage) isn't much to raise kids on.
I was a single parent and raised 2 kids on probably a third of that, and they both had savings accounts I paid into regularly, as well as endowment policies that I can choose what age they get that cash.
It does seem odd that if parents have separate finances, they're not both putting something away for the kids, but if there was an agreement that one would pay x/y/z and the other would do kids' savings, that would be different.

He embarrassed you by not being a supportive dad. I’d be telling him to start putting money in then, if his embarrassed he clearly knows he could be doing better but chooses not too.

Yeah, what an awful dad - working full time to support his family, and not wanting to put his 2k of savings into an account that can't be touched in the event of an emergency 🙄

OP admits he has nothing to save once all the bills etc. are covered, though. The 2k she refers to is a payout he received that just sits there untouched.

If he was to save for the kids, he'd either need to dip into their own savings or cut back elsewhere.

But they have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food on the table.

Once your children are 18, they can access that money and spend it on anything they want. How sensible were you at spending/saving money when you were 18?

I agree with others who have said that any spare money needs to be saved into an account that can be used for any kind of family emergency. If there is money left over when your children are 18, there is nothing stopping you from giving them some then.

Children's savings accounts are never a good idea. Giving an 18 or a 21 year old a sum of money is an idiotic idea. (Speaking from experience as the 18 year old who blew it all in Topshop and on nights out!)

This. I remember a while back having a service user whose daughter got £5k when she turned 18. Mum had set up account “for Uni” but the DD had a wrong ‘un boyfriend at the time and the money basically financed his racer-boy car and he then dumped her! Much better to have family savings you have some control over IMHO.

Hi OP, you don't even have to walk to the bank. These days you can just open the app on your phone and set up a standing order in just a few minutes.

In all honesty, I understand where you are coming from, your DH doesn't want to put money into their account. Maybe he thinks if you two separate, you will use their money?

No, the OP is clueless. She thinks that the same 2k in her DH's account at the end of each months is 2k a month surplus, when it is just 2k. DH appears to be spending to the limite on what is not a great income, whilst OP thinks 47k a year is millionaire fair. What I said, clueless. Also putting money into accounts for children ties the money up as untouchable and they can waste it at 18 unless tied up to prevent that. If saving, better put it in an ISA.

So what would you like him to spend less on in order to save? Why do you get to choose his priorities, when he doesn't get to choose yours? You don't sound like much of a team.

He doesn't have any spare money to put away though

Whose accounts do the child benefit and DLA get paid into?
In our house they are paid into my account, and from there I transfer the child benefit into their bank accounts, in my mind this is their money. They will not have free access to these though, it is to create a lump sum for uni fees/house deposit, not to be spend on clothes and going out, they can get a part time job for that. The DLA goes into a seperate account to be used for things specifically relating to disability, so it doesn't just end up on our household bills

What do you envisage the account being for/ do you have a target amount?

If it’s in their bank accounts, in their names, legally they will have free access to it.

Once they're 18, you'll have absolutely no say over what they spend it on.

OK so he does not have £2k spare each month from his salary.

He has £2k savings that happen to be in his current account. He spends his entire salary each month but fortunately doesn't need to dip into his emergency fund.

If I were him, I'd move that emergency fund into a S&S ISA and let it compound for as long as possible. However, if he has credit cards or an overdraft, I'd use that £2k to clear those ASAP as the interest is hellishly expensive, especially on overdrafts. If this wipes out his Emergency fund, so be it.

There is absolutely no point in any savings account (children's or otherwise) if you have debts where the interest rate is higher than the interest rate you can achieve on your savings. At that point, you're just robbing Peter to pay Paul and losing out.

Then, prioritise the emergency fund. Received wisdom is to build up a buffer of around 3-6 months of your income.

Then, I would start putting cash into a S&S ISA in yours or your partner's name. Not the children's. As others have said upthread, they'll spunk it on skateboards and jellybeans or whatever the cool kids these days are doing when they're 18. You might even consider this as saving for a deposit on a house if you're so inclined. The point is, you'll have the flexibility to use it however you need to.

I'm still at the first stage of this plan, I'm not perfect! But with enough time and consistency, I'll get there.