DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

[CocoMaroon]

DH and I have separate bank accounts, I work part time on a low wage and DH is a much higher earner (£47k) When our children were born I opened savings accounts for them and make sure I put in any left over birthday money, Christmas money etc and I pay in an amount each month out of my own account.

Since they were born I have asked my husband to set up a standing order from his account (alongside mine) and he’s not bothered. Our oldest is now 13 and when I think of how much more could be in his account if DH had been paying money in.

He says he never gets around to it, never has the chance, I’ve begged him, nagged him, walked him to their bank so he could set it up, he took the details promising he would do it that evening. That was a year ago 😡

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

AIBU??

Just because some kids blow the money doesn't mean they all do.

It makes life much easier for kids if they have some savings to fall back on.

Mine will have money to fall back on… in my name though, not theirs! I have very sensible children who, at the moment, I absolutely couldn’t envisage blowing money. Things can change though.

You don't know when your kids are 2, or 7, or 14 what they will be like at 18.
Save in their name, they get the money at 18 regardless.
Save in your name you can choose to give them the money at 18, or hold it back.

The problem with having too much money in the child’s name means you have no control over it when they turn 18. You may intend for it to be for uni/car/house/travel or whatever but there is nothing to stop the young person blowing the lot at the Trafford Center or whatever.

Is there any chance your DH has savings earmarked for the children but in his own savings account? This is what we do for our DD.

He probably only agreed to do it to stop you nagging him about it. He doesn't earn much and he's having to support a wife who can only work part time and DC. If he paid into their savings accounts it might mean your DC had less treats now in their everyday lives.

Could you not drop DC off with a trusted childminder to take them to school? I did that for years including with 2 DS's with ADHD and worked full time. Childminder also collected them from school and either I or DH collected DC from childminders. Summer holidays we went on a family holiday for 2 weeks then DC went to holiday clubs for other weeks and a week with grandparents.

Seems a bit weird to me that you're so fixated on what he is or is not putting into the kids' savings accounts, and minimising everything else he pays for.

If he put £20 a month into their savings accounts, that's £20 less that would be spent on the family every month. You've said he doesn't save, so unless he's pissing it away on gambling or something - he's spending it on family life.

Maybe he understands the finances better than you and knows that there just isn't really free money to put into those savings accounts.

Seems you both should have a proper conversation about it, not this weird passive aggressive dance of you constantly saying he should, and him coming up with half-arsed excuses for not having done when it seems he has no intention of doing so (and seemingly for valid reasons)

I think you need a few this as your joint money, so the money that you are paying into their account is from both of you much like I’m sure that the money he pays for the mortgage is for the house that both of you own? And for the bills that you both owe? I think you need to re-frame this in your own mind so that it doesn’t irritate you so much. If it’s such a problem, perhaps pay a little more out of your own bank account if you can afford to do that?

Orrrrrr, he could have triple the cash and be in control of where it gets spent 🤷‍♀️

when money goes into a child’s account, it belongs to them and can spend where they like. Some of my friends parents have seen savings frittered away on nothing the moment they turned 18.

I’ll be honest, I don’t think it’s necessary to have children’s savings accounts and on £47 a year it’s not where I’d be putting my money.

For example paying extra on your mortgage or saving for a house deposit if you aren’t owners.

My children will be getting a house deposit when they need one. But i won’t be saving into a children’s account for that. I will be overpaying or my mortgage/ paying into my own investments. I’ll remortgage the house/ paying out of my funds when the time comes. I won’t ever use a children’s account unless I’m in the position that I exceed the isa allowance in a year (which is highly unlikely!)

Your husband doesn't have to agree with you.
However, I would suggest that he puts something away in savings every month, or extra onto the mortgage - not necessarily for the kids.

It was not cool of you to speak about him putting money into the accounts opened by your parents.
That did embarrass him.