DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

[CocoMaroon]

DH and I have separate bank accounts, I work part time on a low wage and DH is a much higher earner (£47k) When our children were born I opened savings accounts for them and make sure I put in any left over birthday money, Christmas money etc and I pay in an amount each month out of my own account.

Since they were born I have asked my husband to set up a standing order from his account (alongside mine) and he’s not bothered. Our oldest is now 13 and when I think of how much more could be in his account if DH had been paying money in.

He says he never gets around to it, never has the chance, I’ve begged him, nagged him, walked him to their bank so he could set it up, he took the details promising he would do it that evening. That was a year ago 😡

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

AIBU??

It is reasonable to discuss this matter with your spouse. It is not reasonable to raise it in front of your parents to try to shame him into it.

So what is he currently doing with that £20 each per month that you think he should stop doing?

Well I can only put in so much as I don’t get paid much, he could afford to put in a bit more

But surely it doesn’t matter who puts what in to the children’s accounts, as it is all effectively coming from family money? Or do you run things totally separately? Do you have roughly the same spending money left over each month? Do you have equal access to money? If you don’t, then you can’t really tell him what to do with ‘his’ money.

You’re coming across as quite sanctimonious.

How would that impact your day-to-day lives though, and things that he's already paying for?

If you have your own savings, why not put some of that money away for your kids if it's bothering you so much?

I'm sorry, but £47K is a high income. I'm a manager in a civil service dept (DWP Jobcentre) - manage 12 people & only earn £31k pa.

My feeling is that savings for your children is important. Hopefully they will go to university & the money that you have saved for them will help to off-set the costs of that, then there is them needing deposits on houses/flats etc. I think it reasonable to expect both parents to put money aside for these expenses.

My issue is that we can definitely afford to be paying in more - it wouldn’t leave us short, another issue is that he promised that he would do it, he just never bothered to set it up.

You've got your own savings account, so just give them that if it's so important?

So what is he currently spending that money on? You said he doesn’t save, so it must be being spent on something.

I wouldn't say it was particularly high given the circumstances - they have (at least) two children, one of whom is disabled, and as a result OP can only work part-time to be there to do childcare.

I mean, no, it's not minimum wage but life is expensive these days so it's hardly megabucks.

He embarrassed himself to be honest.

If you discussed what i did with my finances in front of anyone else i would not be happy either

It’s slightly higher than an average U.K. salary. £31k is a below average salary for the U.K.

Yeah our income is fairly comfortable compared to where we live, he could definitely afford to pay something in and he has repeatedly said that he would. I believe that saving for your children’s future is so important.

Ultimately you can't force him to pay - is this really the hill you want to die on?

Bringing it up in front of your parents was really uncalled for.

I’ve asked multiple times, but what is he currently spending that money on that you think he should stop, in order to put it in their savings accounts?

It was a knee jerk reaction after years of him promising he would sort it. I see how I was in the wrong though.

Nothing, it would come from our disposal income.

The point you are spectacularly missing is maybe he can afford to but he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to.

Yes that is correct however he should never have agreed to sort it if he had no intention to.

But he might be saving for their future, by keeping the money in his own account.
Its a really bad idea to save money in childrens names. They get access to it at 18 and many make poor choices /blow it.
Why are you right, and him wrong? He has as much say about how this money is handled as you. You seem to just think because you've decided it should be in an account in their name, he's selfish if he doesn't go along with that - he's not, he just disagrees with you about the principle of saving money in children's names.
And as you can see by this thread, a lot of people agree with him. He's doing plenty for his children's future by paying the household bills and providing for them.

But you say he’s not currently saving. So that disposable income must be being spent, currently? So surely he’d have to be giving up some of his current spend out of the disposable income?

Nothing really. It’s just extra money in his account.

Maybe you should just drop it?

He clearly doesn't want to put anything aside so what do you hope to achieve by banging on about it?

I don't know why you're getting piled on . The issue is him saying he will do I repeatedly but then not. If he doesn't want to he shouldn't say he is going to. He should explain why he doesn't want to. That's the mature thing to do.