DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

[CocoMaroon]

DH and I have separate bank accounts, I work part time on a low wage and DH is a much higher earner (£47k) When our children were born I opened savings accounts for them and make sure I put in any left over birthday money, Christmas money etc and I pay in an amount each month out of my own account.

Since they were born I have asked my husband to set up a standing order from his account (alongside mine) and he’s not bothered. Our oldest is now 13 and when I think of how much more could be in his account if DH had been paying money in.

He says he never gets around to it, never has the chance, I’ve begged him, nagged him, walked him to their bank so he could set it up, he took the details promising he would do it that evening. That was a year ago 😡

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

AIBU??

Saving into your children's names is never a good idea. There are a multitude of reasons this could go very, very wrong and many are outside of your control and rarely on the radar of parents with young children.

I agree that he’s unreasonable to tell you that he will pay in when his actions say otherwise.

You were unreasonable to embarrass him in front of your parents. You’re not unreasonable to think he should pay but he clearly doesn’t want to.

Surely extra money in his account is ‘saving’? If it’s not being spent month on month, it’s being saved isn’t it?

Well, is this the usual sort of thing, where he’s a bit crap with money plus thinks of it as his and not shared,so that he likes to keep as much as possible to spend himself, even just on crap? If so YANBU

Aka savings. Money doesn't have to be in a separate account to be saved. Unspent money at the end of the month is savings.
I don't have a separate 'savings' account i just allow the money in my current account (which has a decent interest rate) to increase a bit each month and that's my savings.

YABU. If he pays for the majority of stuff, I don't see a problem with making the payments into the accounts for the kids.

DP and I pay equally towards bills and monthly costs, but he pays for larger outgoings, so I pay for the "little" things, including making a monthly contribution into the kids' accounts. My mum also pays £5 a month into all of her grandchildren's accounts, but I'd never embarrass DP in front of my mum for not paying that in. After all, he's financial contributions are way in excess of what I put into the accounts.

Plenty of people prefer the flexibility of ready access to their money in case if emergency.

OP, I actually hear when you are coming from as DH and I set up a savings account for DD for her future. It was a big deal for us. We paid in generous contributions for several years when we had a relatively big disposable income.

Then we were greatly affected by the GFC in the late 2000s (I was made redundant and his business made considerable losses) and we raided most of it to pay the bills. ALl these years later I still feel extremely guilty as that money was always meant to be for DD's future, and in a sense it was because it gave a roof over her head and food on the table but she never had any money for uni, driving lessons etc. We never recovered financially, and other circumstances meant there was no spare cash to replace those savings.

Exactly this.

He doesn't want to for whatever reason & that's his choice. You constantly bringing it up isn't helping.

Best thing is just drop it & accept you have different priorities. Neither of you is wrong just different

I would just ask him why, if he is embarrassed that people know he doesn’t, then why doesn’t he? If he finds it embarrassing for them to know then it shows that he thinks parents should do it… so why isn’t he? Either he thinks it’s unnecessary, so then wouldn’t be embarrassed and that’s fine, don’t. Or he thinks parents should, and rather than be embarrassed when outed, he should just do it.

I'm with you OP. Even if he only put in £20 a month each it would mount up.

Presumably you earn less than he does because you are facilitating his career, which is why he contributes more to the household finances. I don't think it was wrong to make him embarrassed with your parents - maybe now he will start investing for them.

I don't agree with other posters on this thread.

Okay you’re wrong.

But he clearly does think parents should because he is embarrassed that people know he doesn’t. If he didn’t believe parents should save for their kids then he wouldn’t be embarrassed, he would just have his point of view and let others have theirs.

He’s probably just annoyed that the OP was trying to shame him in front of his/her parents.

He wouldn't be embarrassed unless he thought his attitude was mean. Solution obvious

Whichever angle you look at this from he does not want to pay in to their savings!!

Accept that and you will be fine

He clearly spends the majority of his salary on his family so allow him some financial autonomy?

Or maybe he's angry because his wife is trying to make him feel guilty in front of her parents?

I'd be furious if DH tried to make me feel guilty about our finances in front of his parents. Luckily he wouldn't ever behave like that, though.

If that's the case, he could have a conversation about it, though, rather than refuse to discuss the issue.

Yes I agree that he should just tell the OP that he won’t be doing it, rather than saying he will and then not doing it.

She’s not insisting everyone gives her kids money, just her husband, which is entirely reasonable!

If he pays a lot of the household expenses why should he pay into savings account. Get a higher paid job yourself and contribute more to the savings.

Her husband is already doing the majority of the day-to-day spending on the children. He shouldn't be doing all of it.

He’s already giving them money though, just not in the way the OP wants. He’s paying for the roof over their heads, bills, food and general expenses.

Why not just pay double the amount from your own account into each of the children's savings accounts?

I’m with you OP, a small amount of money each month definitely builds up, has he got a valid reason for not doing it.
Is it not better have a joint account, not my money their money, I can never understand why when you’re a partnership the money isn’t pooled together, it saves all this arguing.