People Cancelling Last Minute!!

[Aquarius1234]

Thoughts on people cancelling plans last minute ??
Eg on the day or literally with 20 mins before you need to leave the house.
I had booked tickets for something involving train journey.
I'm now going alone.
My so called mate cancelled last minute.
It still shocked me as it was 15 mins before I needed to leave.
Said mate I hadn't seen in ages and ages and was curious whether the same pattern would happen again!!
Fuming.
I've sent lots of message but non read so obv avoiding looking!!
I thought I'd try a new tactics by going through my journey and day to spite him ?
I have also said I think you just couldn't be bothered also and it's it strange your not responding to my messages when your the one that cancelled ?
I'd normally not be able to relax all day knowing if id cancelled. ( gulit) .
I would ok with a couple of texts. This was a long pathetic message and no reply. So it would not have mattered if I just didn't read the message.
It's like they have turned their phone off.
Rude! They say due to anxiety not liking busy places.
But surely my anxiety and stress levels through the roof now by letting this happen again?
I wouldn't have sent loads of messages if I wasnt bothered and stressed.

Are they ill? It happens.

It's shot that they have let you done last minute, but...

I thought I'd try a new tactics by going through my journey and day to spite him ?

This is a really weird take. Why not continue the plans for yourself, rather than spite? What are the tactics for?
You are not going to be able to force something when the other person isn't up for it.

So just lazy and blaming anxiety. Yet I know they went to event with a relative last week.
They even said that in message. I know I went to such and such last week. But I don't think I can go out this time!!
I think they just don't wannt meet me!
It's the pretending that bothers me and agreeing to all the plans and asking all the questions.

I’m not sure I understand who was texting whom etc it’s all quite hard to read.

Yes it’s shit to be cancelled on at very short notice. Sometimes it’s unavoidable but if it’s a pattern then the person who is doing it isn’t a real friend.

Not sure what’s to be gained by furiously sending texts to the person though. It’s done.

I wouldn't be replying to your shitty messages about not being bothered either. It could have been anything, at least they let you know.

I mean I can tell they wanted me to just respond ok thanks for letting me know.
And to say nothing else for the rest of the day.
Why shouldn't I think screw you I'll spam you with the journey and how good the event was.
You missed a great afternoon etc !
.But of course emotions running high and I've sent negative texts also.
I don't think it's fine to just cancell last minute but with 20 mins to go..... how can anyone be cool.
.

I'd be anxious to meet you the way you have reacted tbf.

YANBU. I had (notice past tense) a friend who used to do this. Cancelled just as I was getting the dinner out of the oven that I had prepared for us, cancelled last minute after I had booked childcare to meet him etc etc..

I get people get ill but most people who are ill would let you know as soon as they wake up and feel rubbish that they arent going to make it, not 15 mins beforehand. It was always the same lame old excuses that he used to rotate in succession.

He is no longer my friend and apparently has no friends left now (I wonder why). I am understanding to a point, but when I have wasted money, time and effort over and over again for someone that doesnt seem to give a rat's arse I say no more.

Stop making plans with this person if they constantly let you down. Friendship is a two way street.

Perhaps they really are suffering from anxiety. It can be a horrible debilitating thing. And just because they went somewhere last week doesn't mean they feel up to doing whatever you planned to do today. Serious anxiety is not something you can just turn on and off.
To be honest you don't sound good for each other anyway. So it's probably best if you part ways.

What kind of a friendship is this where the friend cries off so shortly before and you feel it's appropriate to keep having a go? Maybe this person is scared of you. Your take on things and response are pretty odd.

If you want to go, just go on your own. Lots of people regularly do things on their own. You don't need an escort, just get on with it. Also no need to spam the friend with what you're doing without them.

I mean I can tell they wanted me to just respond ok thanks for letting me know.
And to say nothing else for the rest of the day.

That would be a normal response

Why shouldn't I think screw you I'll spam you with the journey and how good the event was.
You missed a great afternoon etc !

Spam them with the journey? You sound utterly out of control

.But of course emotions running high and I've said negative texts also

I think you need to learn to get a grip of your response. I wouldn't want to go anywhere with someone so volatile

They had cancelled a handful of times when we were last in contact.
I was like oh ok.
I gave up obviously no contact for 18 months or so.
Then out the blue some small talk over the last couple months with them suggesting a meet up.
But I was cautious and felt should I even book two tickets.

Agree with this

How it is hard work to meet on said day and time. After arranging couple days previously.
They could have said no actually let's not meet two days ago.

Perhaps they really are suffering from anxiety. It can be a horrible debilitating thing

Yes, it can. But then talk to your friend and tell them that so you can work out a way that suits both people. It causes me anxiety to be constantly cancelled on, why is their anxiety more important than mine?

Texting for company through the day even tho he can't make it...
Didn't think he wouldn't text back. That's being a coward.

I also said oh maybe we should have had a phone call catchup. As its been so long since we last met. Get some trust and familiarity back .

He is not being a coward he is ignoring your harassment. Good on him.

Be less reactive; oh and move on

I think spamming him with texts is unreasonable, but not being annoyed. I really can't be arsed with flakiness, and it's getting more common. People are utterly selfish sometimes and don't care that the other person may have gone to all kinds of inconvenience to free up time to meet them. They only think about the fact that they don't want to be put out because it looks like rain, or they didn't sleep well or whatever.

Yes, people can get ill, but unless someone has a chronic condition it's usually once in a while for one person, not a bit of a cold every time they are committed to doing something. Nine times out of ten if there was something in it for the flaky one (eg if they had booked and paid for something and stood to lose out) they would be there.

Does it not affect mental health and confidence when people cancel last minute again and again ?
And yes use excuses and excuses. When it's just a choice and they can't be bothered to make any effort any more.

No it should not affect your mental health that someone cancelled a day out. Most people would be mildly annoyed by it.

100%
It's way more frustrating when you know the person that cancelled is pretty much free most weekends. Or generally has loads of free time.