People Cancelling Last Minute!!

[Aquarius1234]

Thoughts on people cancelling plans last minute ??
Eg on the day or literally with 20 mins before you need to leave the house.
I had booked tickets for something involving train journey.
I'm now going alone.
My so called mate cancelled last minute.
It still shocked me as it was 15 mins before I needed to leave.
Said mate I hadn't seen in ages and ages and was curious whether the same pattern would happen again!!
Fuming.
I've sent lots of message but non read so obv avoiding looking!!
I thought I'd try a new tactics by going through my journey and day to spite him ?
I have also said I think you just couldn't be bothered also and it's it strange your not responding to my messages when your the one that cancelled ?
I'd normally not be able to relax all day knowing if id cancelled. ( gulit) .
I would ok with a couple of texts. This was a long pathetic message and no reply. So it would not have mattered if I just didn't read the message.
It's like they have turned their phone off.
Rude! They say due to anxiety not liking busy places.
But surely my anxiety and stress levels through the roof now by letting this happen again?
I wouldn't have sent loads of messages if I wasnt bothered and stressed.

@Aquarius1234
Are you going to answer any of the questions about whether you met this guy on a dating app and what sort of relationship this is supposed to be?

I feel like you are studiously ignoring points that people are making.

Two people can be equally vulnerable. Their needs can conflict.

. If you frequently get the short end of the stick you might get curious about why you are so needy for friends and attachment that you accept any bad treatment in order to have the hope of connection?

Christ, you sound awful. You're making our friend is lying about having anxiety yet you're claiming him cancelling has caused your to have anxiety? Maybe you're lying.

And yes, I get someone cancelling last minute causes stress but "going of spite to him" is hilarious. You still had 20 minutes, weren't going to miss your train. You've seen a show (?), did you enjoy it?

Complaining about eating your lunch with pigeons around is a pointless detail because you would have eaten lunch with pigeons around if friend had made it?

Spamming texts is so immature and that really comes across in your posts too. I suggest working on yourself.

Anxiety is horrible and doesn't go "I'm going to appear just before x event" meaning there's no warning and often means cancelling last minute. I have some chronic illnesses and often cancel last minute because when plans are made, I feel up for it and by the time comes I just can't do it. It's awful, I feel guilty but people that actually care understand that's it's not in my control and don't claim I'm lying about it.

You really need to grow up.

Anxiety or not, I would expect a friend I bought a ticket for and who cancelled last minute to pay for it.

Anyway, life is too short for flakes.

It's pure wank what they did maybe its anxiety but don't leave it to last 15 mins. It's also wrong to let you do stuff by yourself to many people are not honest with me I can have good and bad days but I would have told you way before 15 mins to go.

My DC has a godparent who does this. I always put it down to social anxiety (which does increase leading up to an event). However it is very annoying. I wouldn’t mind so much but repeatedly letting a child down is not acceptable. The result is she rarely gets to see DC then complains.

You in your example offered to pay her money back for the ticket or actually apologised not ignored her texts nah. Op i understand you r a bit like me lonely etc do when dlmeobe lets uou found and doesn't seem to give a shit about that then yeah it hurts fuck him right off

Maybe she doesn't wanna do stuff on her own hence why did it with friend it can affect her co fidence what he did to. People don't understand that to

That's a good point if it's a dating thing then yes prob is flaky

Completely understand that but she has acted completely childish imo.

She wants recognition of the stress and anxiety it has caused her but says her friend is lying about being anxious and is just lazy.

Completely unreasonable.

In regards to the friend not replying to texts, I'll often text or email and then not look at the reply because the thought of doing causes so much anxiety, dread and nausea so it might not be that the friend is ignoring her.

If she thinks her friend is lying and is unreliable then just end the friendship.

I'd say cut this one loose. He sounds immature and self absorbed. You deserve to be treated better x

Who knows whether the friend is lying, or whether the OP is lying about the stress this has caused. Does it really matter? My guess is that neither is lying, but they are both seeing things only in terms of how they affect them, and not considering the other party. Whether that is reasonable or unreasonable, they are equally culpable.

The friend was selfish and inconsiderate to cancel so late. IMO he was also in the wrong for agreeing to do something that he knew he might struggle to do.

The OP was wrong to send the texts, which will only have made matters worse, but the friend should at least have replied to the first one or two until it became apparent that there were going to be regular updates about how the day was going in his absence.

Neither has come out of this very well.

Yes, i do agree.

You come across as very aggressive.

I think he had forgotten what you were like…

Thank you. Stressful and upsetting. I try and give people too many chances.

If he hadn't cancelled there would be no issue. I would just start a fresh and hope he would be reliable.

Why do you give people so many chances? I don't even tolerate people constantly ignoring my texts.

Think you need to grow up.

Maybe cos it's really hard to find new friends with consistency.
That are local ish . I can only seem to find stuff like I'm doing today in other cities miles away.

I'm not bloody surprised

I agree it's hard. Can you access any hobby groups on Meetup? That way, if one person is a flake and cancels, you have the others. There are lots of theatre groups on Meetup, I believe.

I'm currently finding agreeing to and going through with social engagements quite a struggle. I don't feel safe straying too far from home and am reluctant to agree to do things in the future as I worry I'll just want to back out. I often feel pressured to do things and end up regretting it but the anxiety builds up and I just want to hide under my duvet and not go. The biggest step is pushing yourself through that pain barrier. But you often need support to do so. Worrying that a friend is going to be pissed off with you makes the whole situation worse - but the key here is compassionate communication.

I understand how annoying it is op, and it's understandable how pissed off you are. If you want to continue the friendship you both need to sit down and talk it through. Being stroppy, petty and passive aggressive won't solve anything. If the friendship is worth saving, talk to him, and have low-stakes meet up rather than anything

Of course if the relationship really isn't worth it then drop the passive aggression, chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on.

My DD has anxiety (and autism) , it's does fluctuate day be day even hour by hour.
Some days she can cope with a busy active day, other days she is shut down and unable to leave her bed let alone the house.
The late cancellation is crap and disappointing.
But if they have anxiety they will be feeling crap too.
They aren't doing it to spite you.

I think we all deserve to decide who we can be friends with. Personally if any of my friends are that anxious/ ill, I prefer not to make time bound plans with them like the theatre, movies, travel etc.
Instead I ask them to visit me at my home when they feel up to it. Or I see them in a group where it doesn't matter if one person doesnt turn up.

I don't like being cancelled on.

Chronic cancellers are annoying.

I have one of those 'friends'... every time they suggest something i now wonder at what point they will cancel.

Tbh, it's best not to even put stuff like this in your diary anymore from people like that and just carry on about your life as normal and FGS, stop texting them.