People Cancelling Last Minute!!

[Aquarius1234]

Thoughts on people cancelling plans last minute ??
Eg on the day or literally with 20 mins before you need to leave the house.
I had booked tickets for something involving train journey.
I'm now going alone.
My so called mate cancelled last minute.
It still shocked me as it was 15 mins before I needed to leave.
Said mate I hadn't seen in ages and ages and was curious whether the same pattern would happen again!!
Fuming.
I've sent lots of message but non read so obv avoiding looking!!
I thought I'd try a new tactics by going through my journey and day to spite him ?
I have also said I think you just couldn't be bothered also and it's it strange your not responding to my messages when your the one that cancelled ?
I'd normally not be able to relax all day knowing if id cancelled. ( gulit) .
I would ok with a couple of texts. This was a long pathetic message and no reply. So it would not have mattered if I just didn't read the message.
It's like they have turned their phone off.
Rude! They say due to anxiety not liking busy places.
But surely my anxiety and stress levels through the roof now by letting this happen again?
I wouldn't have sent loads of messages if I wasnt bothered and stressed.

What if I was in trouble or there was an issue..ah well

He isn't really responsible or in the position where he needs to be contactable in case you are in trouble or whatever. He is a friend who you haven't had a good relationship with, never spoke to for 18 months and then repeated his not turning up behaviour from the past.

Why would he be the person you would turn to?

True but I meant as it was so last minute i was virtually on the train . He got lucky I happened to glance at my phone before walking out the door.
" Oh ok ill have to get off at the next stop then oh no theres a incident on the train."
It was so crazy as there was football on at same time etc.
You dont have to avoid just cos you decide to stay home. He wasnt unwell in bed..
I hadnt told anyone else where I was going. I did the following day.
Just shows there was no concern to where I was at or if I would go anyway and stay safe. Considering they didn't wanna be in a busy area.

You dont have to avoid just cos you decide to stay home.

You bombarded him with messages, I think we can all see why he would want to avoid contact yesterday.

This was the only and last time I sent a string of texts after being told no go last minute.
But I'm just thinking it's rude if in past I might have wanted to say. Oh BTW I went anyway and only just made it as car broke down or train was massively delayed. Couldn't find the location. It's human nature to be polite with a so called friend.
But if said friend just doesn't look or seems to have not looked at any message back, then I'm glad I never sent anything like that in the past!

He isn't your friend and you should have realized that long ago.

Unless ill or emergency then plain rude. Plenty of time to cancel before for most other reasons.

So eat in a cafe? I'm assuming lunch was part of the day out if friend had been with you? It very much sounds as if you're determined to be miserable.

I'd stop with the personal nasty posts on here.

Oh dear.
I think you need to let this go.
He's not a real friend.

My DS misses out on things because he wakes up and feels dreadful. He was supposed to see me in some shows. One he made it to the theatre before having to rush home I'll, another he got as far as down the road and had to head back.

If your friend has issues then some days will be fine, and others will be a no go with a short cancellation. Maybe try and organise something with no time pressures to make it easier to meet up? You seem very judgemental and I'm not sure I'd want a friend who thinks crippling anxiety or chronic illness is just me being lazy!

I can understand that it is frustrating for you but tbf if you have a true friendship, I’d try and be as accommodating as possible. Anxiety can be so debilitating and the stress and worry about letting someone down (never mind their reaction 😯) just accentuates the fear and palpitations. It may be true they have switched their phone off to prevent a full on panic attack about the whole situation. Just because they managed to attend a friend meet up last week, does not mean they’d manage another the next day never mind the the following week. I’m afraid my sympathy lies with your friend rather than you.

The Anxiety was more of an excuse. He has no issue attending whatever he asks family to attend with him.
Never misses any TV shows/ football.
Spends most of his time on Internet.

We have blocked each other so there can't be any future even if he changes.

This sounds an awful lot like victim blaming. If it was genuinely down to anxiety, surely the OP’s “friend” would actually be sorry for what he’s done? Your whole post reminded me of those people who offer a half-hearted apology for their bad behaviour and then make it the recipient’s fault if they don’t enthusiastically rush to accept. It’s a tick-box exercise; they apologised, it’s not their fault it hasn’t been accepted…

Sometimes you have to own that you’ve screwed up - and even if someone does have anxiety, that doesn’t mean the person you’ve let down is the problem if they don’t want to hear it.

I honestly think you are both being unreasonable here. It is really poor form to drop out last minute when tickets have been purchased - leaving someone to attend something alone. I totally understand why you are annoyed, particularly given previous form.

I don't like your response either though to be honest. If someone behaved this way with me, then I would not pursue a friendship or relationship of any kind. If he is genuinely anxious this will not help at all. It also makes you appear quite volatile and aggressive which would put me right off.

I think the most dignified response would be to calmly say you are sorry to hear he can't make it and unfortunately it is now too late to ask anyone else but that you plan to attend alone. Leave it at that.

Maybe he was sorry and when he had composed himself from the anxiety, he saw he had been spammed with rage texts. Would you want to deal with this person after seeing all the updates? OP claims to have anxiety and at the same time seems to understand nothing about anxiety.

You have made the right decision not to continue with any relationship.

If you are someone who has good and bad days and cannot manage crowds or busy places on bad days, then agreeing things only on the day and saying why is an appropriate thing to do.

Well, she certainly gave him a get-out clause. That doesn’t excuse his behaviour in the first place.