People Cancelling Last Minute!!

[Aquarius1234]

Thoughts on people cancelling plans last minute ??
Eg on the day or literally with 20 mins before you need to leave the house.
I had booked tickets for something involving train journey.
I'm now going alone.
My so called mate cancelled last minute.
It still shocked me as it was 15 mins before I needed to leave.
Said mate I hadn't seen in ages and ages and was curious whether the same pattern would happen again!!
Fuming.
I've sent lots of message but non read so obv avoiding looking!!
I thought I'd try a new tactics by going through my journey and day to spite him ?
I have also said I think you just couldn't be bothered also and it's it strange your not responding to my messages when your the one that cancelled ?
I'd normally not be able to relax all day knowing if id cancelled. ( gulit) .
I would ok with a couple of texts. This was a long pathetic message and no reply. So it would not have mattered if I just didn't read the message.
It's like they have turned their phone off.
Rude! They say due to anxiety not liking busy places.
But surely my anxiety and stress levels through the roof now by letting this happen again?
I wouldn't have sent loads of messages if I wasnt bothered and stressed.

Yes absolutely stop texting chronic cancellers.

I can't believe he had no intention of seeing if id see his text message.

Kindly OP, he's just not that into you.

Do old mates need to be that into each other... it would be a monthly or every other month event./ meet up.

Anyway the thread is about how rude it is to cancel last minute!!!

Yes I think last time it was 3 strikes and move on.
I probably should not have messaged back when he got in touch during the summer.

Yes rude. I was told on here nobody owes you anything!! Op Im finding people pure flakes now. It is shocking. Puts me off planning things or they cancel!

If its a pattern of cancelling that is annoying agree

I would drop this friendship, as it seems to cause you too much anxiety.

Well yeh I doubt he's gonna be in touch.
Deffo caused me more anxiety.

I think you should just block and move on sadly. Maybe it was too much for him, anxiety is awful and can be debilitating. How far was he meant to be travelling? Where were you meant to meet?

I did say it affects my mental health and general anxiety.

No you didn't say you had a mental health condition. Anyone can get stressed and and have their confidence knocked, doesn't make it a mental health condition you suffer from. If you're claiming tha now, it was a massive drip feed.

Is it rude to cancel last min - yes.
Would I give allowances for someone with anxiety - yes.
You sound like you don't have the patience to support your friend so prob best spending your energy on other friends.
If the train cost is an issue, ask friend to send you the money.

OP, take this as final and NEVER make any effort ever again.
It has become a thing for some people to just back out last minute.
Have boundaries and self respect and make no further effort again.
Never book and pay for anything again in advance.
This is really basic.
My kids know it.
Nothing is ever booked until everything is pre paid in advance.
Never put yourself in a situation where you are left with having paid for something and are dropped last minute.

I would have left them on read if it’s a regular thing. They must have known they weren’t coming.

These sort of comments are unfair.
People can only take so many times of being let down.

I guess I'd be better going in a group situation, where you just meet at the venue and everyone goes their own way and back alone.
Or just alone either way.
Or if I found some new friend in future only book on the day when both are passing by and pay separate.

Indeed why should one person call the shots.
I wish I'd have cancelled yesterday but still gone myself, to gain some dignity.
Could have easily said I'd caught a bug.
Of course they had no intention of turning up but still.!

Has anxiety sometimes yet goes cinema often or stuff with immediate family

Yeah that's kind of how anxiety works. Sometimes you're OK & can cope, depending where you're going or who you're going with. I can go more places with my Mum, nieces or best friend than I can with not so close friends. He's probably cancelled last minute because he was trying up til then to go

I suffer from what can at times be crippling anxiety. Thankfully though my friends are incredibly understanding & supportive

Look on the bright side. The way you've so massively over reacted to today there's not a chance your poor (former) friend will make any future plans with you

Thought you said you suffered from anxiety as a mental health condition, but you went out and did something by yourself today. How did you manage that? Where you lying?

No we met years ago via a Internet forum.
Dating was never going to happen. I'm 8/ 9 years older. And back then it seemed a lot.
We had similar interests via the forum. Then realised we lived in same county.
Anyway people don't change. Sometimes you think as years pass people might mature.

I can have anxiety and stress about personal issues. But my current way of dealing with it, is doing things out the house that I enjoy.
Why stay indoors and be miserable is what I always think now.
I could have easily stayed home today. Perhaps easier of course no travel no really busy area. Rushing to get trains.
But nothing worth doing/ seeing is easy right?

Well if that works for you, brilliant. It won't work for others though, so always good to bear that in mind!

Thank you.
In the past I could get past the loser stuff as we had common Interests and free time and there was nothing complicated when everyone turned up..
"Hi fancy seeing this or that.. ok see you then. Discussion about event and catch you next time."