People Cancelling Last Minute!!

[Aquarius1234]

Thoughts on people cancelling plans last minute ??
Eg on the day or literally with 20 mins before you need to leave the house.
I had booked tickets for something involving train journey.
I'm now going alone.
My so called mate cancelled last minute.
It still shocked me as it was 15 mins before I needed to leave.
Said mate I hadn't seen in ages and ages and was curious whether the same pattern would happen again!!
Fuming.
I've sent lots of message but non read so obv avoiding looking!!
I thought I'd try a new tactics by going through my journey and day to spite him ?
I have also said I think you just couldn't be bothered also and it's it strange your not responding to my messages when your the one that cancelled ?
I'd normally not be able to relax all day knowing if id cancelled. ( gulit) .
I would ok with a couple of texts. This was a long pathetic message and no reply. So it would not have mattered if I just didn't read the message.
It's like they have turned their phone off.
Rude! They say due to anxiety not liking busy places.
But surely my anxiety and stress levels through the roof now by letting this happen again?
I wouldn't have sent loads of messages if I wasnt bothered and stressed.

Are you the friend. Fifteen minutes beforehand is a crappy thing to do especially where the OP has paid for tickets.

You come across very overbearing. Of course
it’s disappointing when people cancel plans but it’s part of life. You can’t control what other people do only what you do. You also don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives. If a friend cancels on me I reply about how sorry I am to hear that, hope they are ok and catch up again soon. It wouldn’t cross my mind to harass them!

It's bad behaviour for him to purposely not look at the phone. He knows he's hasn't done a good thing or we'd be texting now.
So it's probably cos it's yet another time he cancelled and esp after being back I'm contact. He would rather pretend it isn't an issue.
Then go oh yeh sorry about that!!

It’s not bad behaviour to not reply to your harassing texts! I would have blocked you at this point!
It’s probably best you end this friendship you don’t sound very compatible and friendships are supposed to bring joy not misery.

How did he know I wasn't already at station or had bought ticket.
In the past I would have stayed home also.
.but I'm not gonna miss out due to cost and it would ruin my day.

Are you absolutely sure she's pretending? For me, I often agree to things and if I'm having a bad day I just.. can't. I can't make myself do it. My close friends understand.

Just because they had good day when they went out with their relative means nothing at all.

Well, if he has any sense, you won't have to worry about this happening in the future, he's not going to want to engage with you at all after today's texts.

Have you thought about the fact that he MIGHT have a chronic condition (like anxiety, as he has stated)? If he has, he may have desperately wanted to meet up with you, but not been able to at the last minute. And yes, this could have happened multiple times in the past.

If this is the case, you texting throughout the day (the negative AND positive messages) are just making things worse. It may have caused you stress, but unless you're going to drop feed that you too have mental health difficulties, it does not compare.

Oh, and no, it's not abuse.

It’s horrible and frustrating for you, but he’s clearly struggling with his mental health. Could you not go round to his with some snacks and have a day in instead?

Wasn't it you who was ranting and raving about having no friends a few weeks ago, OP? Is there possibly a common denominator here?

Don't worry OP, I think it's safe to say the friendship is over. Literally no one would be encouraging him to keep in touch with you after the way you reacted.

For things with assigned seats, I do it because I want to sit with my friends not some random part of the theatre / auditorium. Something like a theme park (which I don’t go to but I can see it might apply), yes, let everyone buy their own.

I agree with you OP. Don't know why you're being given such a hard time.
It's rude and selfish to cancel last minute. Cancel first thing in the morning if you must but not 15 mins before you need to leave.
I think you have every right to be annoyed; your day has been spoiled.
I would drop the 'friend'. Too flaky.

It's annoying and people are getting more and more flaky.
I don't know why you expected anything different though as this person has history for doing this.
You have reacted badly by sending harrassing texts.
Saying you are going anyway "out of spite" and "new tactics" is weird. Just go for yourself, not to spite him. He doesn't give a shit.
What's the history with you and him? Do you want a romantic relationship with him? Maybe it's all a bit too much for him and he doesn't want to give you the wrong idea that he's interested in you.

Get on with your day, stop sending him texts and stop arranging to meet up with him because he's obviously not interested in doing so. Maybe he does have anxiety and today was impossible or maybe it was just an excuse but basically he couldn't or didn't want to go. This has happened many times previously so there's a message there for you.

You don't come across well in these posts at all.

Yes it’s annoying. But they way you have reacted is over the top. People with severe anxiety have good and bad days. He may have felt more than able to do this this morning but now can’t. He’ll have been feeling awful and you harassing him with messages “out of spite” will have made him feel worse. I’d be surprised if he ever replies, I wouldn’t.

You need to understand that not everything happens the way you want it to and take it on the chin. And if you were a real friend to this person you’d be wanting to support him, not make him feel worse.

Even if they only give you 15 mins notice? Really?

Yes I can see that, I would do it too - but only for friends that I'm sure of.

What he did was annoying and being upset/frustrated about it is completely understandable.

BUT....you really need to look at the way you have reacted to this.

Go and have a nice day, stop bothering to try and arrange anything with him again and stop sending him messages.

Stop! Just stop and take control of yourself. You can be angry, sad, or happy but you can’t badger or bully another person into being the kind of friend you want. It won’t work so its a waste of time and energy.

If you enjoy spitefully texting and trying to insult your friend “the coward” and “ruin” his day then go on with your bad self and just admit that you enjoy being out of control and abusive more than you enjoy the friendship.

Turn this around OP
and see it from your friends point of view.

I was due to see my friend today. I haven’t seen them for 18 months as I struggle with anxiety. Today it all got on top of me and I couldn’t go. I feel terrible but I text my friend to apologise. Since then she has sent me lots of negative and frankly, abusive messages. We won’t be friends anymore but AIBU that she is a nasty peice of work and completely selfish, maybe even unhinged?

MN: YANBU!

This is unfortunately the reality of life for people with anxiety disorder sometimes you just can't do it. Iv let people down last minute so many times as I thought I could do things then when it came to it can't leave the house I no longer make plans or really leave the house accept with people who are understanding to my situation

There is a lot of understanding on this thread of the friend and his possible MH issues than there is for the OP and hers.

I agree that the serial texting is OTT, but neither the OP nor the friend is acting particularly rationally, yet it is the OP who is getting the flak.

I have suffered from anxiety in the past, but I didn't let others down. I didn't agree to do things I might find difficult to go through with. It wasn't easy, but it was my problem, and I didn't expect everyone else to accommodate it. That's the issue, more than the cancellation itself - the assumption that the OP should be available on demand if the friend is up for a day out, but get back in her box if he cries off. It's disrespectful and selfish, whether or not he suffers from anxiety.

Some people are crap and flakey, but your response is way OTT. He has form for this, you gave it another go, but to no avail. A more usual response would be to say "That's a shame, I was looking forward to it. A bit more notice would have been appreciated but we are where we are. Hope you feel better soon" Then don't arrange anything again.

Shit happens when you're an adult. You don't spam someone's phone with irate messages though 😐 You sound quite scary!

She hasn't said she has mental health problems though, she's just raging about being cancelled on. Not every annoyance affects mental health.