MY birthday / HIS mother

[CoffeenWalnut]

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off that not only do I have to ring around to find somewhere nice for lunch for my birthday tomorrow, but I have to book for THREE?
I appreciate that his mother is an elderly widow, but he could have taken her out on HIS birthday (which was last Thursday) and I suggested it sufficiently far in advance for him to organise it, but he didn't get his ducks in a row and now he insists she tags along with us on my birthday : I am not a happy bunny!

why do you have to ring around?

go out and see a friend

doesn’t sound like you’ll enjoy this lunch with can’t be arsed partner and his mum anyway 🤷

Not unreasonable. I guess you could refuse to do the legwork, but then you don’t get to go out for lunch….

I think you need to ask yourself whether you are going to accept this

Go out with a friend instead.

Don't do it. Either refuse to go with her or make other plans. No-one can force you to go along with what they want.

Yanbu...will he kick off at the 'no'?

Tell him she's not invited and only book for 2.
Also don't do anything for his birthday make him organise his own just as you have to organise your own

Go out with somebody else for your birthday. He can sort out lunch with his mother for BOTH your birthdays next weekend.

what a lovely marriage this would be

You're being unreasonable because you're going along with it and accepting you're also doing the legwork for it.

Meet a friend for lunch. He can organise lunch for his mother or let her down. How is organising this and bringing his mother a treat for you? Just a breezy ‘oh you don’t seem that fussed about bringing me to lunch so my friend X is’. And then next year show him the same energy he has shown you - oh I’ll go out with you if you arrange.

I bet he’s generally lazy and selfish. Stop putting up with it or you’ve a long road ahead of you.

the gift of martyrdom

I’d make plans with a friend, if he can’t make an effort to spend time with just you on your birthday then that’s a problem. His mum could tag along any other day but not on your birthday.

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off that not only do I have to ring around to find somewhere nice for lunch for my birthday tomorrow, but I have to book for THREE?

YABU for saying you have to, you don’t have to ring around anywhere. Either ask him to sort it and risk a lunch for 3 or book it yourself for 2 and tell him you can all go for lunch a different day!

Just tell him you want your birthday lunch to be just the two of you. And add that it’s so important to you to keep a bit of romance, intimacy and connection alive in a marriage. I find men generally hear and understand what you’re saying better when there is an underlying hint of possible sex.

If you don't want to do it then don't. I'd organise the birthday lunch for 3 on another day and say "this is to celebrate both of our birthdays" and do something else for your own birthday.

@CoffeenWalnut just dont book anywhere then! I would be a martyr under these circumstances! my hubby expected me to book for my birthday last year until i gave him short shrift!

Does your DH think that having his mother there will be a treat for you?

It's your birthday meal and if you are doing the organising, just book for 2.

You don't have to a) ring round and book somewhere (why can't DH do that?)

or b) have a birthday lunch with your DH and MIL if you don't want to, you can go for lunch with a friend/family if you want to.

If you didn't think your mum had to go to his birthday meal then his mum doesn't need to come to yours

Ugh. Why go to all that appeasing bollocks just to avoid having lunch with the MIL?

He can insist all he wants. Tell him no.

To be fair it's not a big task. Where do you want to eat. Go online and book a table. Surely it's a five minute job for either of you

You'd be unreasonable to actually do it. Take a step back and ask yourself what's the problem with deciding you don't fancy lunch for three, and instead you want to meet a friend/ take yourself out to lunch/ go to the cinema / have a coffee, cake and wander round the shops / get your fill of a local museum etc.

Yes, it sounds like he's a lazy shit and I'd warn you that if he treats his mum like an afterthought to be dealt with by other people you shouldn't expect any different BUT that doesn't mean you have to go along with it

Oh dear.., such a pity you could only find two seats at Pizza Express/Mc Donald’s for Him and his Mummy. You will have to go out somewhere lovely with a friend and make an entire day of it - maybe stay over.