To be annoyed that he's obsessed with walking everywhere?

[Rizzo8]

Or am I the lazy one?

My partner and I went on holiday earlier this year and he wanted to be in quiet accommodation away from the busy area. So we stayed in a place that required a 25 min walk into town every day. In the end it was lovely because it was an island.

Now he's moved house, location is again a half hour walk into town. If I want to take the bus he hates it, so I usually just get the bus if I'm by myself

Last week we went for a long weekend and stayed in a flat 30 mins outside the centre. We walked back in the evening but in the morning when I said I wanted to take the bus (with my 2 bags) he gave me a hard time! Saying if I didn't want to walk now could I walk and do all our other plans later. I was properly annoyed and told him straight taking a bus is a normal thing people do every day and that's what we'd be doing. Which we did.

I just don't understand this behaviour at all?

I walk everywhere and haven’t got a bus for donkeys years so can’t criticise your dh!

Well, I walk everywhere, including the school run which is a half hour walk each way. I would never get the bus ( it’s actually faster to walk!)

You are not wrong for wanting to get the bus and your partner is not wrong for wanting to walk. However, he shouldn’t have given you a hard time about it & he definitely should have offered to carry a bag if insisting you walk!

Alright alright, I am not afraid to say I'm wrong, I had forgotten about village buses and ones that go in a loop round shopping centres where it can, sometimes, be faster to walk. Sorry!

However, OP's post implies that in her situation, like mine (I am typing this on a bus LOL) the bus would be the faster choice. I guess we just have to accept that sometimes, other people's lives experience is different to our own 😉

I would much rather walk but he sounds annoying! He needs to just get over it.

This really.

Why does he have a say on your travel arrangements. He can walk. You can get the bus. No issue except that he makes one of the situation.

He's undermining you and I hope he doesn't do that in other ways.

Why does he get to be the boss and book holiday accommodation that you don't want? You are equal partners in this relationship or should be. Stand up for yourself and stop letting him walk all over you (no pun intended)

With heavy bags and an endo flare?
I'm lucky if I can walk to the kettle with an endo flare let alone 30 mins

Any other similar bossy decisions made by him that overlook your own views OP?

Look, if it's merely annoying for you there is compromise. You choose one destination setting that doesn't require a mad bag heavy walk, and he chooses the next one, but you get some form of transport and let him jog walk on.

I'm sure I would be mad as hell if my DP refused to consider me in any decisions made, travel or otherwise.

I think I'd probably kill him TBH and flounce off on the bus to another hotel!

YANBU that he is being inconsiderate of what you want. He sounds bossy and annoying. YABU if you don't like the fact that he likes walking.
Just compromise fgs, and come to terms with your own feelings about laziness/not laziness.

My DH is like this, I’ve told him I’m not a hotel porter, he’s free to arrange for a baggage transfer and then I’m happy to walk. Generally a taxi is cheaper… and the bus even cheaper than that.

This would annoy me. I like walking but not with heavy things, and if he insists on walking he should carry your bags. Keep an eye on his other behaviour, is he always inconsiderate?

I am a walker!

If I can walk instead of taking public transport then I absolutely will!

I don’t see the point standing around for 10/20mins waiting for a bus when I could be almost there in the time that it even arrives.
Its also good for my MH and I just enjoy it.

But I would absolutely either offer to carry one of the bags or compromise on taking the bus every now and then.

He doesn’t get to trump your decisions.

Honestly I would just carry on getting the bus on your own and just meeting him at the destination.

There’s loads of “it depends” here surely?

I get a bus regularly. It takes 5 minutes to walk to and is supposed to be every 15 minutes and takes about 20 minutes normally to do what would be an hours walk.

But if the bus is 15 minutes late and there is bad traffic or a couple of idiots on bus arguing with drive and I get to bus stop 5 minutes before bus is expected it can easily be similar time spent getting there by bus as it would walking! And that’s an hours walking journey not even a half hour one.

There is another bus I use that only comes once an hour. If the journey was only 30 minutes walk I’d never bother with it because if you decide you’d like to leave at 10 but bus isn’t till 10:30 you wouldn’t even be on the bus before you’d get there by walking.

So I presume you must live somewhere where the buses are very frequent or at least very punctual to have such a good opinion of them!

No he's usually considerate. 95% of the time.

But when he does have moments of being inconsiderate it's not pleasant.

The walking in itself is fine but the way he goes about it and how he talks to you is worrying.
I wonder where is he coming from, ie. anxiety of public transport, busy/noisy places

This is going to sound silly, but bear with me. What considerate things had he done for you in the last fortnight? Even teeny tiny things. Can you think of a few?

He sounds puritanical

Lots tbh. He's a great cook so makes meals he knows I'll like.

I fancied mint tea before bed recently so he went out close to midnight to pick mint for me. He did the same with picking blackberries before breakfast.

Bringing me an extra cover for bed and tucking me in when I had a nap after a long day. He is fairly thoughtful.

Which is fine of you have endless hours to walk. Walking to work for an hour in winter through a built up area Vs a 20 minute bus journey isn't enhancing my life, it's just adding 6 hours a week onto my commute. Walking the kids to club Vs the bus means less time between school and club to eat and hone later to bed. No one is benefiting from that.

Conversely, we always walk home from school if coming home / not atrocious weather and it's good for chats and decompression. We would around the park and into town for the bus. An hour walk TO and then FROM the park along busy main roads isn't making anyone's day better.

Yes he can be.

I'd never get a bus if it's only a 30min walk. By the time I've waited for the bus to arrive I could probably walk it quicker.

I like to walk and do a lot of it in my job

However for me it is a time thing.

I really don't have time to spend 1 hour of my life doing a 30 minute walk to and from a shop to get groceries or go out to eat etc
When in 15 minutes I could have driven, parked up shopped and driven back.

Time to start learning to drive.

Also next time you go on holiday choose a more central place to stay. If he doesn't like it then he is free to book his own place elsewhere

So many red flags in this relationship though

Whilst essentially LTB sounds OTT considering the topic
I do think you need to look at other aspects of your relationship.

The weighing the bags and arguing the point instead of offering to carry them is a huge Red Flag

I would look at this in the long term. If you were heavily pregnant would he still insist you walk everywhere and get out books that say walking is good for the pregnancy
Will you be still happy to be doing this when you are 70 or 80 years old. Stay and you have a lifetime of 30 minute walks ahead of you

If you only do 2 x 30 minute walks per day for the next 50 years. That is over 2 solid years of your life walking to places that could be got to in a 5 minute drive

This is what you need to be saying to him

Oh your bags aren't heavy / it's only light rain / it's only an hour...

You're not HEARING me Dave. I am catching the bus. I will meet you at X when you get there.

But it's just...

No Dave. This is not up for discussion.

And walk away

A back pack is much more easier to get around on and off public transport. It's also better for evening out the pressure on your back that pulling a suitcase predominantly on one side. I find it much easier to carry a heavy backpack which has minimal inherent weight than a solid suitcase.

@FeedingThem I also work and don't have endless hours to walk but often bus journeys for a 30 min walk don't make much difference time wise with waiting etc.