To be annoyed that he's obsessed with walking everywhere?

[Rizzo8]

Or am I the lazy one?

My partner and I went on holiday earlier this year and he wanted to be in quiet accommodation away from the busy area. So we stayed in a place that required a 25 min walk into town every day. In the end it was lovely because it was an island.

Now he's moved house, location is again a half hour walk into town. If I want to take the bus he hates it, so I usually just get the bus if I'm by myself

Last week we went for a long weekend and stayed in a flat 30 mins outside the centre. We walked back in the evening but in the morning when I said I wanted to take the bus (with my 2 bags) he gave me a hard time! Saying if I didn't want to walk now could I walk and do all our other plans later. I was properly annoyed and told him straight taking a bus is a normal thing people do every day and that's what we'd be doing. Which we did.

I just don't understand this behaviour at all?

He sounds like an awful bully.
Why are you tolerating this?
You are only going out and he treats you like this.
Your bar is very low.
He will only get worse.
He sounds like an awful nag.

Why get a bus if it's only 30 mins walk. You spend longer waiting for the bus. Easy walk unless it's up a steep hill. Yabu here I'm afraid

I once had someone walk THREE HOURS for a date with me... and he walked home.

I knew in that moment that we were seriously incompatible 😁

OP, a stroll home on holiday is lovely. Having to walk everywhere if you just want to go into town is bloody annoying and he sounds like he places way too much importance on the idea of walking.

Depends how much energy you have, and how much you’ll need for the rest of the day.

I've not got a bus or train since i was at school (24 years!) and if on holiday without a car i'd walk 30-60mins rather than get a bus, heavy bags or not.

Its totally alien to me that people have the time to walk places and not drive, so i just realised i'm not really best placed to comment!

I wouldn't get the bus if it was only a 30 minute walk unless the weather was terrible

I'd always walk if it's less than 30 minutes and I would share his annoyance if someone was trying to insist we wait and pay for a bus that would likely take longer.

Ultimately it's recommended people walk at least 10,000 steps a day. But it's scary just how many people aren't used to doing that. If you're already comfortably exceeding 10,000 steps a day without doing the walks he's insisting on then you have a case for the bus. If you're not though and a 30 minute walk feels unreasonable to you then tbh it suggests you could do with being more active.

I live a 30-35min from our city centre and I always walk it. By time I go to a bus stop, wait for bus, bus to then drive into town and stopping every 2 mins it takes almost as long and I've paid for it. Plus - walking is better for you!

I’m all for walking rather than getting the bus normally, but not with heavy bags. If he insisted on walking, he should have carried them.

What I like to think I’d have done is called a cab and ridden it in solitary splendour, leaving him with all the bags.

This is a point of incompatibility. Neither of you is wrong. Neither of you is abnormal. DH and I are similar

I love walking, hate being stuck on a bus full of people. Makes me feel antsy and cross!

He doesn’t enjoy walking - and feels like I’m being a bit judgy and calling him lazy (I’m not - but he feels it so we account for it!)

you probably need to own that you feel a bit judged. Have a non spikey conversation about it and make some compromises. He leaves early and walks - you catch up on the bus? You agree to walk one way and get the bus the other in advance - or whatever works for you. Sometimes I go out for a lovely potter by myself in the mornings and we meet for lunch and have a less on-our-feet afternoon.

figure out why you feel so cross. Put it down. Talk to him! Make sensible positive suggestions for how you could compromise instead of just explaining how he’s wrong. It doesn’t need to be a deal breaker!

I am less inclined to walk than DH, a lot depends on the walk and destination, not to mention the weather! Thirty minutes where we could take our time and potter, okay. Heavy bags, not okay get taxi. Walk as a walk in country in decent weather and proper clothes okay.
The big issue for me would be the inequality of you accepting his preference on a lot of occasions but him not doing the same for you when you had a good reason.

Also I don't understand why you trying to make him take the bus is fine but him wanting you to walk is bullying and controlling?!

For a 30 min walk I would never take the bus. I am with your husband on this one.

Some of the very key factors leading to the success of a relationship are compatability, compromise and flexibility. In your case, this may mean two people who both prefer to walk, two people who both prefer to take the bus or simply allow for a mix of both without an argument.

Im afraid neither of you seem to have or be able to demonstrate these qualities. Seems like a small deal now but honestly I’ve learnt through my years of dating to find my husband that often we overlook simple things like this.

Ok the context is:

I had been in the location where we had the weekend break for longer than him because I was at a book festival the day before we met. That's why I had more things with me and he was the one that suggested meeting me there and spending time together.

One bag was heavy and this has an impact on my lower back when I don't feel well with Endo

So for me I need someone who will compromise and understand some limitations. This is a chronic condition. I did plenty of walking with him the day before.

And on holiday I walked for hours every day, until the last day when my flare was bad. I'm willing to review when I'm being lazy if he can be a bit more easy going

To PP yes he does have other signs of OCD

Really, really weird that everyone's evangelising to you about how much they walk. I walk 12000 steps or more per day, that doesn't mean you have to, @Rizzo8.

Why on earth won't he get the bus - or even weirder, let you get the bus? He sounds a bit controlling.

I knew there'd be loads of virtuous responses claiming you were being unreasonable and of course everyone should walk everywhere if it's less than a 30 mins walk btw. Classic MN.

I'm someone who tries to get my 10k steps in every day, no matter what the weather, so I suppose I am on the more extreme end of this...

For me, walking is so beneficial for my mental and physical health - particularly as I work a desk job sat looking at a screen all day.

But it does amaze me how lazy some people are when they're in good health and perfectly able to walk, but complain about doing even small distances. It's no wonder we're quite an unhealthy country with a significant proportion of the population overweight.

I have a friend who does very little exercise and spends most their free time sat down, and they regularly complain about being in pain - part of me wonders whether that's connected to not doing enough exercise!

But of course they are! This is MN! Competitive undereating, competitive underspending, competitive walking...

I love walking, and it is my preference over short distances but like you, don’t want to do it all the time - and would have been pissed off at being argued with if I was carrying shopping and wanted to take it back on the bus, because walking with shopping bags is annoying and sometimes takes more effort than one has the energy for. It’s not great that he didn’t offer to take them for you.

I wouldn't walk for 30 mins if there was a bus available. What a waste of time.

I’d happily walk half an hour (I’m proper tubby and unfit so I’m not an enthusiastic mover) ) but not with heavy bags. If DH suggested it he’d have to carry the bags.

Despite the fact that a bus for that short journey will probably not save you any time compared to walking anyway, due to delays with getting stuck in traffic etc?

As a non driver I used to walk everywhere and wonder why the rest of the driving population was so lazy. Then I became chronically ill and had to take the stick out my ass and realise 30 minutes walking adds up and there was nothing wrong with getting a bus.

Neither of you are wrong, just incompatibility on this issue.

I am a walker so tend to walk everywhere I can (heavy shopping trips excepted) regardless of the weather.

Got fed up waiting for busses that were either late or never arrived whereas if walking you know exactly how long it will take to get somewhere.
When going into town I hate trying to park so again, walking makes it much more straightforward.
Generally I will walk up to 1hr (each way) before I will think about a bus/car.

When I used to have to (occasionally) go into London for work I would almost always walk from the mainline station. Used to make me smile when on strike days, people were wandering around totally lost. Some even realised that the tube journey they normally made took no-longer walking as the stations were so close together plus there were no crowded platforms or escalators to navigate.

Sympathies if you can't walk for medical reasons in which case yes, he should be more considerate but walking instead of waiting for a bus, a non-issue for me.