To be annoyed that he's obsessed with walking everywhere?

[Rizzo8]

Or am I the lazy one?

My partner and I went on holiday earlier this year and he wanted to be in quiet accommodation away from the busy area. So we stayed in a place that required a 25 min walk into town every day. In the end it was lovely because it was an island.

Now he's moved house, location is again a half hour walk into town. If I want to take the bus he hates it, so I usually just get the bus if I'm by myself

Last week we went for a long weekend and stayed in a flat 30 mins outside the centre. We walked back in the evening but in the morning when I said I wanted to take the bus (with my 2 bags) he gave me a hard time! Saying if I didn't want to walk now could I walk and do all our other plans later. I was properly annoyed and told him straight taking a bus is a normal thing people do every day and that's what we'd be doing. Which we did.

I just don't understand this behaviour at all?

Is he stealthily trying to increase your fitness levels? Do you think you could do with more exercise and he's trying to sneak it into your day without bringing it up to your face..

As a non driver I'm happy to walk more than most. I'd walk up to a distance of around an hour rather than get a bus. I only get the bus if I have quite far to go.

If I was with someone who really wanted to get the bus though I wouldn't insist on walking.

How long have you been together? I'd be weary of this. Might just be a one off, or it might be a sign of controlling behaviour.

For what it's worth, a relationship of mine that ended up very controlling started with eye rolling over a bus. He was a germaphobe and thought they were dirty. It escalated to trying to make me quit jobs that involved public transport, and loads of other things as well.

"I can't carry these bags that far, I'm taking the bus" and then he can offer to carry the bags, get on the bus, or walk on his own. Nobody tells me to do something that's harder for me than it is for them without being told that they are being a bossy selfish prick 🤷

But without bags, I don’t think it’s unreasonable.

Still unreasonable if OP wants to take the bus. He doesn't get to dictate. They can meet up later. That's what we would do. DH learned that one long ago!

He sounds like a bit of an arse to be honest and not very kind to you either. Life is too short to settle , id rather take the bus and carry my own bag than to be in a relationship with a man like him

The thing that bothers me most is him arguing with me when I want to take a simple bus ride. I feel bullied for wanting to do a normal thing.

So when the two of you argue about it, you feel bullied? Is that a fair interpretation? or is the argument a two-way thing so that either or both of you could feel 'bullied' by the other one's failure to hear and respect their preference? TBH it does sound like you are intolerant of his preferences. Perhaps he, also, is intolerant of yours, but it doesn't sound likely that the fault is all on his side.

Just respect each other's preferences. Sometimes I walk to a destination and my husband gets the bus and meets me there. That is one solution; another is just mixing and matching, getting the bus some days but not others. But above all, doing this without disparaging the other person (eg by calling them 'obsessed')

YANBU

If you don’t want to walk, you don’t want to walk.

My DH is someone who likes to pop down into the car to “save” time when it is less than a 10 min walk because he wants to be back for sport when he has plenty of time before it actually starts or it’s half time. He’s also runs 3-4 times a week so I don’t really get it.

I obviously don’t stop him from doing so or say anything. I walk and take public transport, but usually walk because it’s faster due to the traffic in my area. I don’t like being in the car because I get nauseated within the first 15 minutes due to the roads but not on public transport (except when it is too hot due to heating and when pregnant).

He understands why I can’t be in the car unless I have to, us going somewhere as a couple or a family not within walking distance or pressed for time.

I can see why you are both annoyed with each other, but there has to be some compromise. Having him take public transport because you don’t want to walk a relatively short distance is unfair, but so is him expecting you to walk when in pain and/or carrying heavy bags. One walking and one taking public transport to the same place means one likely has to wait for the other and that could only add more tension (unless both don’t mind waiting.)

Reads like you both need to sit down and make a plan beforehand on when you will both walk and when you will both take public transport.

My boyfriend is like this. On a city break we arrived to steady rain, it was a fair walk to the hotel. I suggested a taxi, he insisted on walking. Walking is fine in decent weather - or if you're hiking and have the right gear. Not so fine wearing normal clothes and lugging bags in the pouring rain.

Edited for double post 🙄

My dad was like this. A tight, miserable man who liked to remain in control whilst getting the health benefits of walking. 🙄 we spent a weekend when I was a teenager walking round London.

But did they not return then?

What happened to the backs on the way back?

It is LTB worthy because he has contempt for you. He is resentful of you, wants someone more active. Punishes you by sulking, disrespect, rolls eyes at you doesn't carry bags anymore. He doesn't like you.
It would have been fine if he were kind and flexible about it, offered to carry the bags or explained he wanted to walk a lot on the trip. Dump him because you're being blind by the red flags.

Bastard. Just walk away.

...er...no...hang on.

Why should you walk for half an hour if you'd rather take the bus. I wouldn't.

This.

I don't think it's unreasonable to stay somewhere that's less than a 30 mins walk away from the town/shops. However, expecting you to walk while carting heavy bags around is unreasonable and I'd have told my DH to do one. My DH can be a bit tight with money, so he prefers to walk if we can - if it's peeing it down with rain or I've got a heavy bag, I'll happily tell him ok you walk by yourself!

It's not about walking benefits versus laziness it's about communication, respect, resolution, consideration.

With bags I'd get the bus, unless they were rucksacks which were comfortable to walk with.

I think it depends on the route too. It's about a half hour walk from my house into the middle of the village but that route is over fields. Lovely in the summer, not so much when it is wet and muddy and dark.

Carrying luggage?

I don't get how someone this thoughtless can be described as 'lovely'

Have you had a proper conversation about this?

Would he listen to your views?

How long have you been together?

Tbh you don’t sound well matched. You don’t want to walk and he does. That’s quite a big deal IMO simply because it shows you’re two quite different people.

We do on holiday, worst time was on Rome, 30 min walk from the station to our accommodation, dragging a wheely suitcase over those awful cobbles.

Still we didnt die!

The key is to get luggage appropriate to your needs, backpack and a wheeled suitcase

However OP still hasnt clarifed how she had heavy bags and he didnt and what happened to the bags on the way back?

A 30 minute walk? That's what...2 miles, if that? And you have to take a bus to travel that distance, rather than walk? Wow.

Walking is free, you get fresh air and it's good for you. Buses you have to pay for, generally turn up late if at all, and you have to sit next to people who spread their germs to everyone in the vicinity. Or you get sat next to a screaming kid.

I know what I'd rather choose.

Yes but the OP is comparing walking 30mins or taking the bus. In almost all situations, it would be actually be quicker, for reliable to walk that distance than to wait for a bus which could take an indeterminate amount of time, and then sit/stand on a bus potentially getting stuck in traffic. It's not really time saving.
Plus, walking IS good exercise, and it's good for your mental health, getting the bus is not!

I would definitely walk if it is only 30 minutes, unless I am in a huge rush. Anything under an hour is walkable, as far as I am concerned