To be annoyed that he's obsessed with walking everywhere?

[Rizzo8]

Or am I the lazy one?

My partner and I went on holiday earlier this year and he wanted to be in quiet accommodation away from the busy area. So we stayed in a place that required a 25 min walk into town every day. In the end it was lovely because it was an island.

Now he's moved house, location is again a half hour walk into town. If I want to take the bus he hates it, so I usually just get the bus if I'm by myself

Last week we went for a long weekend and stayed in a flat 30 mins outside the centre. We walked back in the evening but in the morning when I said I wanted to take the bus (with my 2 bags) he gave me a hard time! Saying if I didn't want to walk now could I walk and do all our other plans later. I was properly annoyed and told him straight taking a bus is a normal thing people do every day and that's what we'd be doing. Which we did.

I just don't understand this behaviour at all?

I have an appointment today that’s a 30 minute walk away. I’ll be getting the bus there and back! Bus stop is 1 minute from my house and buses come every 5 minutes (or less) as I live in London. It’s not laziness for me, it’s efficiency.

I’m happy to do a “nice” walk. On holiday in a scenic place, great. Regular home to wherever journeys, no because it’s boring. And I definitely wouldn’t be walking with heavy bags.

If he wants to walk then let him walk but don’t be guilted/shamed into always having to walk too. Your choice is just as valid as his.

Oh and now we are both agreed that location is important when we are on holiday and prioritise being central over say having a pool.

Been with my husband 25 years and he still wont let me carry a bag.

He doesn’t sound “very lovely” at all - he sounds controlling and is using walking as a way of creating a sense of superiority and oneup-manship on you.

it’s not about the walking, it’s having a sense of context ; if OP is tired, heavy bags, period, pain etc, don’t force her to walk FFS or make her feel bad.

I’ve had controlling exes and they tended to find ways to suggest I was weak in some way and eye roll if I was tired, needed to rest, etc. Horrible.

It's just different approaches. I like to get incidental exercise and enjoy a walk (or did pre toddlers who take forever and who want to be carried everywhere) so I understand your husband. I also hate waiting 10 min for public transport if I could be halfway there in that time. If the bus is regular or on time, I'd consider it.
I don't understand why your bags are so heavy heading out as opposed to coming back. You could wear a backpack if you wanted to distribute the weight more or leave some stuff behind or of course just carry on catching the bus if it's your preference.

Did you tell him he had to carry the bags if he wants to walk? Of course you should be able to catch the bus if you want but generally for a 30 minute walk it wouldn't be worth it. Heavy bags or pouring rain do change things. Have you got a step counter? It can be very motivating to walk to get your steps up. I recommend you get him to carry any bags. It's lovely to walk free of weights.

I don't think you're compatible and I do think he should carry your bag (unless you are bringing along loads of unnecessary stuff everywhere). If you always complain about walking, I don't think he can be expected to know when you are in pain or just not wanting to.

Other than when you are in pain, I do think you are a bit lazy though, the way you talk about doing minimal walking "because he wanted to," like it's a favour and a big deal. If you wait for a bus, it can take just as long, cost money and not get exercise - objectively there's not a good reason, it's just laziness.

Can you compromise and get the bus if you are in pain or if it'll be there in less than 5mins? Just start getting it yourself and meeting him at the destination.

In your thread title you say that he is 'obsessed with walking everywhere'. That makes you sound like the unreasonable one because it feels like you are trying to frame him as being somehow weird or extreme for simply having a different preference to yours.

You also say at the end of your op that you 'don't understand his behaviour at all', which sounds very 'my way or the highway.'

Whether or not you are actually being unreasonable in practice depends on whether you manage to work out a compromise between you in terms of how often you get the bus.

I would certainly prefer walking in all the situations you descrivbe. I would find it relaxing and a good way to experience a new place. I also HATE waiting for buses, especially when you could already have been at least halfway to your destination before one shows up

You are not being unreasonable. The issue here isn’t the walking, it’s one person’s unwillingness/inability to compromise. If the relationship is to continue, this really needs to be sorted.

He sounds like a knob. I couldn't be with someone who argued with me about something as petty as taking the bus when I'm carrying heavy bags. No thanks.

Who made him your Boss?

Seriously.... Split up with him.

I regularly get the bus one stop, up a hill to our house. I do that because I'm in pain with my ankle (chronic condition) but also because I'm an adult and I can make my own choices. I love the big red taxi. So handy (appreciate we're spoiled by being in London, the buses are shit in my hometown, like most others in the UK)

My DH loves to cycle everywhere and that's cool too, sometimes we will meet for a night out, he'll cycle from work, I get the bus in and treat myself to a taxi home. Sometimes my husband gets the bus with me, sometimes I'll cycle too.

He won't "let" you take the bus? Not cool at all. What will he not "let" you do next?
He's ignoring your wishes
He thinks the bus is inferior for some reason he won't explain (tightness? Poor people? Germs? None of these are good reasons?)
He won't compromise ever
He's adding a huge time sink to your day

I would see this as a massive red flag. Sorry.

In London, I would generally rather take the bus than the tube. There is still an awful lot of time wasted in the tube just getting down to or up from the platform - to say nothing of the that s - l - o - w shuffle onto escalators or through ticket gates and waiting for trains - and some of those corridors are very long. The bus isn't super-fast but it's much more interesting, and if you cross the Thames the views are gorgeous.

Same here. Mine is a tall guy (6ft 2in) and I am a comparative short arse at just over 5ft. So he has long legs to my short ones and he just steams on ahead with me trailing behind often calling out to him to stop and wait!! Drives me round the bend!

OP, your partner would annoy the hell out of me. My response would be:

"I will get the bus if I bloody well want to and won't be preached at by you. You walk if you want to and we'll meet up later/do our own thing/have lunch etc."

Yes, I have done that before and now there is no argument.

I don't understand why your bags are so heavy heading out as opposed to coming back.

Because they'd gone away for the weekend?

I would definitely rather walk if it was only 30 minutes walk. But I’d get the bus if I had heavy bags, or it was pouring down with rain or something. So I think he was unreasonable to bully you into walking when you had heavy bags, but next time, just say you’re going to get the bus and stand up for yourself.

You want to take the bus, he wants to walk, it's only a problem because he's making an issue of it. He doesn't offer to carry your heavy bags anymore and he's trying to shame you into doing it his way, I'd say the lovely early days where he wants to impress you are already gone Op. Not LTB worthy but don't let him bully you to get his own way, not about anything

We prefer to walk. I invested in suitcases with wheels. I have 2 sizes. I can pull far more than I can carry. Boring but life changing. We compromise when we go on city breaks. We'll walk to everything but when it comes to going back to the hotel/ apartment we'll go on public transport of whatever type is most convenient. If I've ended up walking 5 miles away from base I draw the line at walking 5 miles back. I do want to see things I wouldn't see if I was on a bus and I do want to stay fit and walking is good for both of those things. I'm 59 husband is 62

My husband and I have always loved incorporating a leg stretch! We’d walk back home on nights out together when we were younger (45-50 min walk in the wee hours), walk to the pub every Sunday (about an hour round trip), and even now we aim for about a 2-3 mile walk during our lunch hours every day (with 3 kids). Some of our best dates have included 5+ mile country walks in the middle. My point is, some people love that lifestyle! It’s great for physical and mental health -and bonding!

Tbh normally I'd always rather walk but if he wanted to walk in this instance he should've carried your bags. Generally though you do sound a little lazy...

The thing that bothers me most is him arguing with me when I want to take a simple bus ride. I feel bullied for wanting to do a normal thing.

Tell him to stop bullying you, you are not going to argue, go away and stand at the bus stop. If he still tries to argue, repeat that it's not up for discussion.

I’m a bit confused about the bags. Do you mean luggage? Why did you have heavy bags and he didn’t?

Aside from that, neither of you is being unreasonable. You get a bus and he walks? He shouldn’t be telling you not to.

That particular time was unreasonable, because of the bags.

But without bags, I don’t think it’s unreasonable.

Walking is fine but it's clearly bizarre and controlling to insist on walking if you have heavy bags to carry and there's a bus running.

OP you could also look into obsessive compulsive personality disorder (not the same thing as OCD) which is characterised by obsessive rigidity in behaviour. See if he matches any of those criteria. It's the most common personality disorder, affecting up to 8% of adults.

Weighing the bags and arguing his case is very controlling behaviour and I wouldn't have that at all!

Tell him you'll be taking the bus whenever you want to and emphasise that it's not up for discussion.