To be annoyed that he's obsessed with walking everywhere?

[Rizzo8]

Or am I the lazy one?

My partner and I went on holiday earlier this year and he wanted to be in quiet accommodation away from the busy area. So we stayed in a place that required a 25 min walk into town every day. In the end it was lovely because it was an island.

Now he's moved house, location is again a half hour walk into town. If I want to take the bus he hates it, so I usually just get the bus if I'm by myself

Last week we went for a long weekend and stayed in a flat 30 mins outside the centre. We walked back in the evening but in the morning when I said I wanted to take the bus (with my 2 bags) he gave me a hard time! Saying if I didn't want to walk now could I walk and do all our other plans later. I was properly annoyed and told him straight taking a bus is a normal thing people do every day and that's what we'd be doing. Which we did.

I just don't understand this behaviour at all?

Loads of red flags here.

Time for a rethink.

Why the bags unless you were leaving/arriving?
Did you have baby stuff to carry? Shopping?

If you are moderately fit a 30 min walk is nothing. We are both big walkers and doing it regularly does wonders for your physical and mental health. However if you don't want to, that is your business not his.

On heavy bags he does need to listen to you. I put my foot down recently crossing Paris - Mr Monkey wanted to walk (we had just taken a 4.5 hour train journey so he was itching to stretch his legs) but I had a really heavy duffel bag - his suitcase was on wheels. So we got the RER.

It depends if your a walking type person or not, I know I would do the walk and not be bothered but half my mates definitely would not and would think they was doing a hike walking for that long 😂

Neither if us have got a bus in our ten years together, however he walks and I drive. I don't know if it's an autism thing, but he won't get in the car. So I drive to his sister's for example, about 40 mins away and he walks a D takes the train then walks again. He walks to work, 7 miles return. He is fit and healthy I am overweight so it does him good.

There needs to be some compromise, he sounds very rigid. I walk as a general rule, but not if it's chucking it down, really hot or I have heavy bags. It seems ludicrous to insist on walking when it's not practical, or you will arrive at your destination soaking wet, etc.

I'd walk up to an hour before I take a bus. Hate waiting for buses. Haven't taken bus for years as I can cycle anywhere a bus goes to if it's more than an hour of walking.
But he's unreasonable not helping you with the bags and being understanding that carrying heavy bags and walking half an hour is difficult.

I am like your DH in my relationship.Drives me crackers that my DH takes the bus or a taxi to save a 20 minute walk. We try to comprimise eg: walk there, cab back. The expense and faff does annoy me though.

You're on here saying you're annoyed by him, I suspect he is annoyed by you and sees you as lazy, hence the resentment at helping with the bags

Does he think you are lazy, are you lazy?

I used to be lazy and now I see how much it would have annoyed and limited my OH. I would now walk and I certainly wouldnt get a bus unless there was an extreme need, however if the journey was difficult by foot I would drive so its right to be flexible

However you describe him as being 'obsessed' with walking, I thought you were going to be saying he has to do 10 mile hikes or something, thats not obsessed, its just walking a normal short distance rather than waiting around for the bus, making sure you have means to pay, being on the bus with possibily anti social behaviour, etc etc, so he walks it, thats a normal thing to do, not abnormal yet you make it outs abnormal

We have a general rule of thumb, if it is less than 3 miles and not the middle of the night or deep in snow etc we walk. Often we will walk further and most of our holidays are walking ones.

When I had a detailed medical last year the nurse commented that my blood pressure, digestive system and bone strength were far better than average for a woman in her 60s.

Regular exercise is the best gift you can give your body.

Having said that, I'm happy to catch a bus occasionally.

It's not OK that he makes you feel bad for wanting to do a normal thing, like taking a bus. What else does he not approve of? Couldn't live like this myself

Everyone commenting about how they prefer to walk etc are completely missing the point. It is about his failure to compromise that is the problem. He sounds quite controlling and I can understand how this would be very frustrating. He doesn't care about OP's preferences, he just wants to get his own way about this every single time which is very unfair. OP I think you need to sit him down and have a serious conversation about this and tell him how it makes you feel. You have different preferences, that is fine but he needs to be prepared to compromise.

I find it far more unusual for an able bodied person (which I’m presuming you both are OP) to get a bus for a journey of a mile or so rather than a 20/30 minute walk.
I’ve just got back from holiday and we always choose a place a nice 20 minute or so walk from the centre and love the evening stroll into town and back.

Sorry OP but I’m with your partner. Catching a bus for such a short journey I would find a bit lazy tbh

I’d always take the walk, but not with a heavy bag. Some people like to walk, others are more lazy and drive or get the bus short distances. Who is he to judge people who are different to him. I love walking and am in a walking group, regularly do 5-8 mile walks, but if i’ve got a heavy bag I’d take the bus.

I get it with the heavy bags but it sounds like you just don't like walking anyway. 40 min walk into the city here from where we live and even our three kids aged 3,5 and 7 manage it there and back walking. I think it's lovely walking generally and its really good for you perhaps he is just trying to maintain a good level of stamina and health. Although if I had a train to catch with bags etc I def would take the bus in that scenario amd tell him I'd meet him there if he didn't want to...have a coffee whilst you wait at your destination!

People should be walking when they can

I am assuming he also had his bag for the weekend? Hence not offering to carry yours?

I'd just take the bus in and meet him at the destination. You don't need to walk because he is.

Same

He hasnt stopped her getting the bus, he has just shown frustration or irritation about it though. Thats not controlling, thats quite rightly wondering why someone cant walk 30 mins

And if OP knew they were a 30 min walk, or even a bus ride from their destination why was she carrying such heavy bags that cant (she doesnt say this) be wheeled along, its hard enough to get hings like that on and off a bus, so why not a wheeled suitcase that you drag along, that would also frustrate me that she hadnt thought to bring suitable cases.

This is us too 😂

Oh god, all the walking evangelists. Op didn't want to walk carrying a heavy bag. Great that you all do but she didn't want to and her dp thinks his wants are more important. I'd have got the bus and told him I'd meet holim there OP. And why is he picking all the holiday accommodation? I always purposely pick somewhere close to amenities so I don't have to walk miles to go to a restaurant. Some of us have very active jobs and quite like to rest on holiday.

It's not lazy at all and if the end point is a launch pad for more walking anyway then it might be a sensible assessment about how much energy you have available to you that day.

DH can be a bit like this too.Normally I don't mind as I like walking too, but I put my foot down - quite literally- when we were in Porto and our hotel was a 35 minute walk up a steep hill, but literally beside the tram.
I was happy to walk up once a day, but not if we came back for a bit ( after walking all day) and then headed out for dinner. I think in DHs case he doesn't particularly like buses or trams.

all of you seem to but I don’t have the time spare in my day for a 30/40 minute walk somewhere I need to be then the same back. It’s ok exercise but not something impactful like cardio/weights and just dead, wasted time. If I’m going somewhere I need to be there and have other things to do - I work full time with a 3 year old and would rather spend time with her than add 40 minutes away from her just walking. On a weekend for pleasure absolutely, but not just as a (painfully slow) means of getting somewhere.