Not inviting someone's wife to a wedding

[soundsys]

Sorry, it's a wedding one! And it's a bit long so as not to drip feed.

Husband has been invited to his (female) friend's wedding. He's been asked to be a witness and to arrive the day before, stay over in a hotel and "help set up". The wedding is in the city where both couples live. I haven't been invited. We've been married more than a decade and no falling out/backstory between me and the bride to be that I'm aware of.

YANBU - that's fucking weird
YABU - it's totally normal to not invite someone's long standing spouse to your wedding

Additional info: I did ask DH if it had come up that I'm not invited and he said the bride said "it's my wedding and I'll invite who I want"

Further additional info: bride to be has been invited to many social events we've hosted as a couple but has always declined to attend, preferring to only meet my husband on his own. He has been invited to many social events by bride to be and her future husband but I have never been included

YANBU , it’s incredibly weird and rude , in my opinion.

It’s clear she doesn’t like you, I’d say! Because yes it’s very weird.
what’s your DH going to do? Is he going to tolerate this blatant snub? X

YANBU, very weird indeed. Is he going to go?

I would say depends on the size of the wedding.

Why has your oh allowed her to treat you like this?

Of course it's weird but then is the brides behaviour towards you before. Does she not like you?

Can you hazard a guess as to why she doesn't like you?

YANBU. poor form

I didn't invite a friends husband because he is one of the most awful people I've ever met. I did explain that I wouldn't be offended if she chose not to come. I wasn't spending hard earned money on people I dislike. Not for one second suggesting you're like my friends husband but she's sending out a clear message that she doesn't like you.

Is your DH going to accede to her demands?

It’s very odd and I would not want to have any contact with her or her husband to be.

Obviously it's her wedding and her choice she is right. We all have a right to be rude if we want to. But it's your husband's right to choose whether or not he accepts the invitation thus condoning her rudeness.

Shame if dh had Covid....

Approx 100 guests. If it was just them and a witness each I'd understand that!

This is very much my question!

I hate to be the one to say this , but could she have a crush on your husband ?

It's jolly rude. I think I would be disappointed in him if my husband accepted the invite.

treat OP like what? People are allowed to not like other people and not spend time with them.

Regarding the wedding - people can invite who they choose to their wedding, it's their day. However, they don't live in a vacuum and must accept that those choices can be hurtful and might result in people turning down the invites. I didn't invite my bridesmaids partner to my wedding as I met him once and had no relationship with him, bridesmaid didn't care as there were plenty of mutual friends there. But that wasn't in a backdrop of her partner trying to actively build a friendship with me.

She fancies your husband and is jealous of you.

Or he's lied and made you out to be awful.

I think you may have nailed it!

YANBU and I’d expect you’ll husband to decline, because presumably he loves you. Also, presumably, he cares more about your feelings than hers. But as he’s apparently gone along with this in the past (?) then perhaps he doesn’t

Yes, this is a bit weird - what’s more weird is that your dh is happily going along with it…

Well clearly DH had permitted this rudeness to date, so I don't see why he wouldn't go to the wedding.

I do have a friend who would only come if it was me alone and not DH because he doesn't know DH, he's quite shy and we don't see each other enough for them to get to know each other (he and I also attend a group thing DH isn't interested in) but he came to OUR wedding and god forbids he ever marries would have the manners to invite us both.

Yea that’s a bit strange.

sounds like she doesn’t like you. Or at least value you enough to have at her wedding.

Why can’t a woman take a dislike to another woman without people crying jealousy? She obviously just doesn’t like the OP, and she’s getting married so hardly jealousy.

Lots of people on here ask if they can only invite their friend as they can’t stand their friend’s husband/partner. Most people say you can invite who you want, but it could lead to tension with your friend.

I think this lady can of course invite who she wants, and it doesn’t sound like she knows you as she’s never really hung out with you. The bigger question is why does your husband facilitate this? If anyone sounds jealous it’s your husband, why doesn’t he want you there? My husband wouldn’t be facilitating this, and neither would I if it was the reverse.

They had an affair and he refused to leave you to be with her?

You said something bitchy about her and she found out about it?

He bad mouths you to her?

You are intolerable to be around?

She thinks you are overbearing and doesn't want you anywhere near her big day?

You have severally opposing political/ethical views?