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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I pay boyfriend back

465 replies

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:19

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months. Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment. Due to this, most of our dates have been at his house (he can't come to my house as I flat share) and I have bought him little things here and there (not expensive just bits of foods) to help him get by.

Last week, he asked me to come to his flat again. This time I told him "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive). He said "ok" but I didn't sound keen. Anyway, when the day arrived, I didn't hear from him and thought I'll just leave him be as he probably was worried about the cost of travel and didn't want to impose anything of him-so I let it be.

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP. He asked me where I was and that I had promised to go to his and that he has brought food for me. I told him that nothing was confirmed that it was me that I was expecting to hear but left it. He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was.

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone.

Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

OP posts:
TyneTeas · 29/09/2024 22:21

How people behave when things don't go to plan can be so revealing

Sorry OP, you probably want to let this one go

VestPantsandSocks · 29/09/2024 22:21

Pay him.
Then block him. Forever.

Iwilladmit · 29/09/2024 22:22

No - I wouldn’t see him again either tbh.
he changed the agreement, got cross unnecessarily and expected you to pay for something you shouldn’t need to. AND accused you of cheating…….

Whatever123456789 · 29/09/2024 22:22

I'd give him the 20 quid and say goodbye. He sounds pathetic

Scutterbug · 29/09/2024 22:23

I wouldn’t give him the money but I would end the relationship.

DoTheRoary · 29/09/2024 22:23

I wouldn't give him anything except an engaged tone if he ever rang again!!

BlondeFool · 29/09/2024 22:23

I'd send a tenner then block. He sounds horrible.

DeedlessIndeed · 29/09/2024 22:24

Ew. What a massive turn off.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 29/09/2024 22:24

So you said no to going to his and made arrangements that he would come over your way? Guessing you didn't have firm plans of a time and place given you didn't go.

No you shouldn't pay back. Why did he buy stuff after you said no to going there.

Doesn't sound like either of you are too bothered about the relationship so I think I'd just be moving on.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 29/09/2024 22:24

Why would you want to "keep the peace" with someone you're about to dump?

...You ARE dumping him, right?

Manyshelves · 29/09/2024 22:25

No, of course you shouldn’t pay him. Just bin him off

Cerealkiller4U · 29/09/2024 22:25

Never contact this man again. If he’s behaving like this in a new relationship then I can’t imagine what he’ll be like once a bit more comfortable

jealously is such a horrible colour.

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:26

Milkand2sugarsplease · 29/09/2024 22:24

So you said no to going to his and made arrangements that he would come over your way? Guessing you didn't have firm plans of a time and place given you didn't go.

No you shouldn't pay back. Why did he buy stuff after you said no to going there.

Doesn't sound like either of you are too bothered about the relationship so I think I'd just be moving on.

I've been over to his flat many times. I wanted him to make the effort this time and come over to me.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 29/09/2024 22:26

If you definitely said "No" and he went ahead and bought food then that's his problem. Plus, what exactly has he bought for £20 that is so special it won't go in the fridge and he can eat it himself over the next few days?

I would walk away from this.

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:26

TyneTeas · 29/09/2024 22:21

How people behave when things don't go to plan can be so revealing

Sorry OP, you probably want to let this one go

Why?

OP posts:
AlmondsAreGreat · 29/09/2024 22:27

I wouldn’t give him the money. I’d ignore his calls and texts, block his number, and have no further contact.

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:27

Createausername1970 · 29/09/2024 22:26

If you definitely said "No" and he went ahead and bought food then that's his problem. Plus, what exactly has he bought for £20 that is so special it won't go in the fridge and he can eat it himself over the next few days?

I would walk away from this.

It was a pizza and a few bits.

OP posts:
Manyshelves · 29/09/2024 22:28

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:26

Why?

He sounds like a bam

Milkand2sugarsplease · 29/09/2024 22:28

@Gymnasticsalltheway that's what I mean, he understood you saying no and still went shopping as if you'd said yes?? Defo don't pay back.... Or ring back or text back...

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 29/09/2024 22:29

No, you didn't arrange to go over, you certainly didn't agree to get food. I’d just block him, end of relationship

Therealjudgejudy · 29/09/2024 22:29

I wouldnt give him a cent.

I would dump and block though...

MSLRT · 29/09/2024 22:30

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

Yes you seem to be. Why on earth would you want to stay with such a tight knob of a man? Are you desperate to be in a relationship.

NahNotHavingIt · 29/09/2024 22:30

Manyshelves · 29/09/2024 22:25

No, of course you shouldn’t pay him. Just bin him off

This ^^

Don't pay him for something he chose to buy.

StormingNorman · 29/09/2024 22:30

Block! Block! Block!