Should I pay boyfriend back

[Gymnasticsalltheway]

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months. Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment. Due to this, most of our dates have been at his house (he can't come to my house as I flat share) and I have bought him little things here and there (not expensive just bits of foods) to help him get by.

Last week, he asked me to come to his flat again. This time I told him "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive). He said "ok" but I didn't sound keen. Anyway, when the day arrived, I didn't hear from him and thought I'll just leave him be as he probably was worried about the cost of travel and didn't want to impose anything of him-so I let it be.

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP. He asked me where I was and that I had promised to go to his and that he has brought food for me. I told him that nothing was confirmed that it was me that I was expecting to hear but left it. He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was.

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone.

Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

the £20 isn't even the main worry here.

he accused you of cheating!!!! Just because you didn't do as he wanted (go to his) and didnt answer your phone instantly.

Yeh.... good luck having a baby with him, sitting at home with the DC whilst in his total control.

Can't believe this is serious but if it is, then time to throw him back OP. This is the beginning of control. Block him, dont pay him, let some other poor woman waste her time on him.

O it's so depressing. Women, you think you're being kind and helpful, you see O poor thing. Users like this twerp see SUCKER stamped in red across your forehead. Don't be back on here in 2 years asking how to get rid of him. Do it now and feel a sense of achievement. Lose him.

Accused of cheating, demanding money for food you never agreed to and you ask why people are saying get rid??!!!
trying to justify his actions for him because you haven’t had a relationship in a long time is not a good look, screams desperate. I sure as hell would not be putting up with that bs. Major red flags and acting like a child.

The un called for, unevidenced accusations of you seeing someone else/being unfaithful are a total red flag! Be careful!

Why on earth do you want to keep the peace with this looser?! Pay him don’t pay him, whatever. But please don’t bother with him any more. You seem to have got this thing so many women have that they’ll settle for so little.

Your anxiety to start having a normal ‘life’ with a partner etc appears to have made you lower your standards.
His response in this situation suggests he’s aggressive and mean spirited when things don’t go his way. This is not someone you want to build a life with.
Pay him back and move on. There are better partners out there for you.

This reeks of a drug habit. I might get flayed for this but the sudden loss of employment, no job, erratic paranoid behaviour, and mania over money just gives me the clue. Cocaine and / or weed, if I had to call it. You know he’s a tool, either way. Ping him the score and wish him luck x

Asking again as no one has answered - everyone saying pay him the money - WHY??? She owes him nothing. What’s anyone’s reasoning that she should pay? I honestly don’t understand

They're all him or they run scams like him or they are MRA who just hate women?

End the relationship.

Major breakdown of communication which may not get better

He should have checked and confirmed arrangements before buying food (who doesn't when in a relationship)

You should have been clear to him where you were and that you would be out of contact (I tell my now husband this and have always done so, just in case there is an emergency)

He bought food he could consume himself and didn't check first so you owe him nothing, but perhaps pay for the next joint takeaway if you want to be kind (I get it. I would do the same)

Don't have a baby with this man though if he accuses you of cheating just cause he can't get hold of you, he needs to apologise and mean it.

I was 29 when I met my now husband who is several years older, we got married and have 2 children. But we got to those conversations very early as neither of us wanted to waste time. If it doesn't feel right, move on, you still have time and don't worry about what other people around you are doing, this is your life and your journey, not theirs, comparison is the their of Joy. You need to be truly happy with YOUR situation, even if that's being single (go on a big holiday on your own, be happy with your own company),

I took it as more to show disdain for him and his money, and the money is not why they're dumping him - not because she owes it. I could be wrong.

That's an expensive way to be negative. His opinion doesn't matter. His poor choices don't mean she has to spend £20 or £10 or whatever number he sends to her. That's a way of him being in charge.

She could send a video of her rolling up and smoking a £20 note to show 'disdain' or a receipt to show she donated to Women's Aid or Shelter but really she owes him nothing emotionally or financially.

It's seriously dangerous to have to explain you're not cheating but simply at work. Where does that end up? With microchipping her?

Your desire to be in a relationship because your friends are is clouding your judgement. Don't hang on to someone who accused you of cheating and tried to get his hands on your money just because your friends are hooked up. If you look at statistics it's likely that they will end up single as a lot of relationships don't stay the course.
Getting the right partner is more important than getting a partner immediately.

I think a good talk is needed!

Yes.

I’d end the relationship. I understand that he’s out of work and money is tight but it’s way too early in a relationship for these burdens of keeping him afloat.

The cheating accusations is your easy way out.

How many reasons do you need?

• He’s a tight arse. He lets you buy him things and offers no money, but expects you to reimburse him for stuff that he buys.
• He makes no effort to see you and expects you to do all the running to him. Not just you going to his place, but you are expected to be the one to contact him to firm arrangements.
• He has accused you of cheating.

I get that you’ve been single for a while, but really. Raise your bar!

She doesn’t need to show him why she’s dumping him - it will cost her £0 to find her dignity and dump the freeloader. Giving him the cash doesn’t show distain, he’ll see it as proving him right that she was in the wrong

What you are missing is that he is a jealous and controlling man. He is also taking advantage of you.

Raise your standards, OP. Otherwise you'll just go from one unhappy relationship to another.

Once he's accused you of cheating it'll never stop.

Do you want a life of having to prove where you are 24/7?

You really want to spend your life with someone who doesn’t communicate all day, and then expects you to pay him back for a fucking pizza?! What a massive turn off.

and he’s not your darling partner he’s a new boyfriend who sounds like a twat.

Block. Move on. Surely he has the food to eat himself anyway.