Should I pay boyfriend back

[Gymnasticsalltheway]

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months. Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment. Due to this, most of our dates have been at his house (he can't come to my house as I flat share) and I have bought him little things here and there (not expensive just bits of foods) to help him get by.

Last week, he asked me to come to his flat again. This time I told him "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive). He said "ok" but I didn't sound keen. Anyway, when the day arrived, I didn't hear from him and thought I'll just leave him be as he probably was worried about the cost of travel and didn't want to impose anything of him-so I let it be.

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP. He asked me where I was and that I had promised to go to his and that he has brought food for me. I told him that nothing was confirmed that it was me that I was expecting to hear but left it. He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was.

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone.

Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

He reacts like this when you don't comply and the stakes are low and it's early in a relationship when he should still be trying to impress and ultimately blocks you. Do you think this is a suitable life partner for life's struggles, having children, ill health and other troubles?

It's clear you want a relationship but he's done you a favour by showing you his personality early. Much more difficult to disentangle from unreasonable people when married with children and you share a home.

Good luck.

He’s just expecting you to support him. He can eat this food. It is not wasted. Do no, don’t pay him. And what is more, it is not paying him back. You never asked him to buy the food in the first place

his reaction is very telling too. He’s accusing you of cheating?!?! Bin him now.

he brings nothing to the table. That is based on his recent behaviour and selfishness, not his unemployed status. The unemployed status is secondary but also a factor

move on

do not settle for this mistreatment

Sadly I imagine the OP won’t be back, has paid him the £20, has apologised (despite doing nothing wrong), is still seeing him at his place and ignoring the huge red flags because being 30 and single is worse than being with a complete twat in her view

I can't believe you don't know why everyone is saying dump this guy!

Given OP hasn’t returned I’m guessing not only did she send him the £20, she also hasn’t dumped him.

Edit: basically what TwistedWonder said.

For me, it’s on the off chance that I had misunderstood something and he spent money (which is tight) thinking he was being nice/kind to me.
I know this is unlikely, but misunderstandings do happen, I could afford it, and it would clear my conscience completely.
That’d be it though. He’s gone from my life.

Gosh get some self respect!!! He’s an idiot. So what if your other friends are getting married, don’t settle for a twat!!!

Because he’s a dick.

I agree ...why on earth should she pay him?

You shouldn’t pay him back or even be with him. What an ass. Sounds like an awful start to a relationship if your only 2 months in!??!

Is this really a man you'd want to have a family with?!

Everything is on his terms, he's unwilling to compromise. When you state how you feel/what you need from him, he ignores you. You get the silent treatment for days, like a child. Then he goes back to doing exactly what he wants to do.
He accuses you of cheating, when there is no logical reason to do so. Unless either of you have cheated previously in the relationship. If not, that sounds like he's projecting.
Then he tries to manipulate you into paying for the privilege of him doing all these things to you.

He is not financially or emotionally ready to have a child. Hell, he's not ready or capable to have an adult relationship. Why would you want to subject a child to this mistreatment?

That is why everyone is jumping to the dump. Sometimes when you're in the thick of it, you can't see all the signs. That man is a walking red flag 🚩

I feel that we need to see the text exchange regarding making the plans for that day to know how this really went down 👀

He is abusive. He's already accused you of cheating and gaslight you into thinking you agreed to go to his, when you didn't. Now he's demanding money. He's not a good catch at all. If he's treating you like this now, how will he treat you in a few months or years? He hasn't got your best interests at heart and can't admit when he's wrong.

Did you ask him to buy the £20 of food? If not, you don’t pay for it. He can’t choose to buy the food, charge you for it and get to keep it. Dump him for accusing you of cheating because that’s just fucking pathetic.

Because he accused you of cheating and lying, over confused dinner arrangements?