Should I pay boyfriend back

[Gymnasticsalltheway]

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months. Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment. Due to this, most of our dates have been at his house (he can't come to my house as I flat share) and I have bought him little things here and there (not expensive just bits of foods) to help him get by.

Last week, he asked me to come to his flat again. This time I told him "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive). He said "ok" but I didn't sound keen. Anyway, when the day arrived, I didn't hear from him and thought I'll just leave him be as he probably was worried about the cost of travel and didn't want to impose anything of him-so I let it be.

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP. He asked me where I was and that I had promised to go to his and that he has brought food for me. I told him that nothing was confirmed that it was me that I was expecting to hear but left it. He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was.

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone.

Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

He’s messing you about and accusing you of cheating. Is that what you want from your life, him behaving like a twat when you disagree with him?

Your brain, maybe?

Because he's showing you more red flags than a communist convention...

"He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was."

You've only been together two months, throw this one back and look for someone who isn't a twat

This exactly. Pay him back, tell him it's not working out and block him.

Because he sounds mean spirited and inflexible. Surely he could eat pizza etc himself. Too early to be a "dp" too.

If nothing else, the completely baseless accusation that you lying and cheating on him.

Why would you not?

If this mean pettiness has emerged so early in a relationship, then it's a fairly sure bet it's going to be a regular occurrence.

Because his behaviour, as described by you, suggests someone who is irrationally unreasonable and raises red flags about his long suitability as a partner,

He accused you of cheating?! To me, this is a red flag. You don’t need to justify your actions to him.

@Gymnasticsalltheway

People are saying dump him because this is not an adult relationship.

To simplify, you told him you would not visit him, but he was welcome to visit you. No firm plans are made.

He ignores this. He obsessively calls you whilst you are out. He makes false accusations against you. He starts a fight over a paltry amount. He got angry over a miscommunication.

This could be an attempt to control you or manipulate you as you didn't want to go to his. Or it could just be him being an immature dick.

Either way, he is not relationship material. He is a red flag that could be viewed as a controlling jerk.

Did you not arrange for him to come over to yours? When did you say you were going to his?

Anyway either way I thought it was a no brainer to end this relationship surely?

The first few months is meant to be the honeymoon period and it sounds as if he’s stressed over money issues and you both are not able to date normally as you would have if he were employed. Add to this he’s now asking for £20 back. That’s really sad and embarrassing. Not to mention accusations about cheating and lying. If this is the honeymoon period how do you think the rest of your relationship will fare?

Doesn’t sound like a great start and he probably needs to just focus on job hunting , and forget about dating for now.

Why would you dump an angry, cheap man who makes no effort, accuses you of cheating, is unappreciative and unemployed?

It's a MYSTERY.

Mean with money, mean with love

This guy is allllll the red flags!
He's controlling the relationship - you must always go to his place, pander to what he wants etc.
You ask him to come your way, he says ok then there's radio silence until he realises you won't turn up at his and then he loses his shit?
Naaaaah byeeeeee

@Gymnasticsalltheway

you seem a little unsure but I can promise you now if you don’t walk away from him and allow him to treat you such way it will ger worse and worse and worse as months and opportunities pass him by to do so. He doesn’t respect you or care for what you want evidently and all you want to do is stay with him. He’s shown who he is. You don’t owe him time or money. He will make use of what he’s bought

No

This can’t be serious.

Because even if there had been a misunderstanding on your part, his reaction is way past disproportionate and is actually abusive.

Both out of control and controlling

How do you think he will behave when he is no Ionger in the early days of trying to impress you if he reacts like this now to a non-event?

Is this a cultural thing? Is he from another country as this doesn't sound like an English man, but is this 50/50 behaviour normal in another culture?

Any man who jumps straight to accusations of cheating and lying when they don't get their way needs chucking back into the ocean. Move on from this one. I would probably send him the £20 just to get him off my back then block forever. You shouldn't have to send him money but I wouldn't want a man like this thinking I owed him anything.

Of course you shouldn't pay him anything! He can eat the bloody food he bought 🤣 I'd tell him to f off, block him and never see him again. Problem solved.

I’d post him a £20 note with “Fuck off, loser” written on it in red felt tip and block his number.

This is as good as it gets @Gymnasticsalltheway. If he's a dickhead now, after 2 months, I wouldn't waste my time.

Why would youpay for a meal unless, you agreed to pay for it in advance, he doesn't get to unilaterally decide to buy pizza and you'll be paying. I bet he fucking ate it. I also wouldn't tolerate him accusing you of cheating.

Id dump his arse and move on.

I know this sounds silly. But I am 30 years old. I have been single for many years and longing a family. It hurts that all my work colleagues talk about up coming weddings, new pregnancies and then there is me. All my friends are married or planning to be. I have been speaking to his man for many months and honestly, he is great but I believe is just stressed with his employment status. I just didn't expect the 'dump' him replies. I wanted to know if I was in the right or not. I have been trying to contact him to out things straight but he has blocked my number.

@Gymnasticsalltheway because

1.its a new relationship and you're already subsidising him

1. You're doing all the running and when you try to get him to come your way, he's playing games.

1. He's accusing you of lying and cheating - unless you're doing either, it's a good enough reason alone to finish it.

1. He can't be arsed visiting you.

1. Doesn't sound like there's any honeymoon period going on here at all.