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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would your 11 year old be upset or is mine “ too sensitive “

218 replies

Treacle2024 · 29/09/2024 18:36

I’m willing for you tell me that she is and I need to stop pandering to her but I feel for her 🥹

I am going to try not drip feed
a friendship of 3 girls including daughter
we will call them Sarah ( DD ) molly ( friend 1 ) and poppy ( friend 2 )

Sarah and molly have known each other from 3 years old and were going through the same treatment as each other. We do allow them phones in which we monitor and this is because Sarah can spend a lot of time in isolation and so she has a small amount of contacts on their but mainly it’s a group call of Sara, molly and poppy.
poppy and Sarah met via molly who were friends previously but have now all been close for around 2 years. A few months ago molly’s mum decided that the girls could not chat together as a 3 anymore - there was no real reason but stated it was because she didn’t like poppy.
poppy is more mature than Sarah and molly apparently.
sarah is autistic but in a timid sort of way,
Sarah spent a lot of her pocket money on both molly and poppy for their birthdays and gave poppy hers at event we all attended.
yesterday, Sarah and molly were on the phone sat next to me and then molly said she had to go to a birthday party. Did not mention who’s and fair enough. Around an hour later they all video called her from poppy’s birthday party with the parents present. Sarah was heart broken, they were showing them their dances etc and I cut the call off.
last night I messaged the parents and said that it’s absolutely fine that Sarah was not invited but I felt it was quite mean and had upset Sarah that it was hidden and then they decided to call her during it to show her.
I was told that Sarah is just her sensitive and the girls just wanted to talk to her ! That I have my work cut out for me if she is so upset over it. Now I’m aware I will be jumped on about the phone situation but she doesn’t have the freedom that most children do and is isolated for long periods of time. These are her best friends and she will be devastated if I said right that’s enough you can’t talk to them anymore.

sorry I know that was a ramble.
is she too sensitive ?

OP posts:
DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 29/09/2024 18:38

No, I don't think that is over sensitive at all. I wouldn't have let that phone call happen if I was a parent of the other child. I think that would upset quite a few adults, let alone an 11 year old.

Sherrystrull · 29/09/2024 18:39

I think that's awful behaviour from the other two girls and also the parents. It's all very well not inviting your dd to the party but they shouldn't have called her and rubbed it in her face.

Thfrog · 29/09/2024 18:39

Your daughter is not being sensitive they knew exactly what they were doing when they rang

IntheVicinity · 29/09/2024 18:39

Stay out of your child’s friendships. They will ebb and flow, often very quickly, over the years, and you should focus on hr,ping your daughter gain resilience.

Neolara · 29/09/2024 18:41

Blimey. That's either very mean or shows a remarkable lack of empathy.

ZippyDenimBear · 29/09/2024 18:41

Horrible. Really horrible.

Perplexed20 · 29/09/2024 18:41

I think the other parents are callous.

I'm not at all surprised your dd was upset

stravagante · 29/09/2024 18:43

That's really spiteful of the girls and ignorant of the parents. Literally what was the point other than to make the uninvited child feel awful.

purpleme12 · 29/09/2024 18:44

No she's not too sensitive
I think that would make a lot of people hurt

Rainallnight · 29/09/2024 18:45

I don’t think your DD was being over sensitive.

You seem very apologetic about the phones though. What ages are they? And is Sarah ill, with the spending time in isolation? I tbh l that matters for context.

Nerdymummy · 29/09/2024 18:45

No she is not being sensitive. My 13 year old would be heart broken if it happened to her. The girls also rubbed it in by calling, it’s one thing not inviting and saying nothing but to ring is showing a lack of empathy and is cruel. The parents are playing stupid if they don’t think it’s hurtful and if it happened to their child I think they would see it differently

Original poster
Treacle2024 · 29/09/2024 18:46

Rainallnight · 29/09/2024 18:45

I don’t think your DD was being over sensitive.

You seem very apologetic about the phones though. What ages are they? And is Sarah ill, with the spending time in isolation? I tbh l that matters for context.

They are 11. Yes she has health needs but not in isolation at present.

OP posts:
ATuinTheGreat · 29/09/2024 18:47

Absolutely horrible, and the parents must be absolute dicks.

No, your daughter is not being too sensitive and it would make me reevaluate both her relationship with those friends, and certainly any relationship I had with the other parents.

modgepodge · 29/09/2024 18:47

I don’t think she’s over sensitive, this would upset me as an adult!! It’s one thing if the kids had just called without thinking, but the fact the parents were there and didn’t consider this was likely to upset your daughter?? Unbelievable.

Original poster
Treacle2024 · 29/09/2024 18:47

ATuinTheGreat · 29/09/2024 18:47

Absolutely horrible, and the parents must be absolute dicks.

No, your daughter is not being too sensitive and it would make me reevaluate both her relationship with those friends, and certainly any relationship I had with the other parents.

Yeh this is the other issue - close friends with one of the parents.

OP posts:
StarlightExpressAnswerMeYes · 29/09/2024 18:48

I'm in my late 30s and if one of my friends did this I'd be upset!

Anoisagusaris · 29/09/2024 18:49

That is absolutely shitty behaviour. I couldn’t continue friendships with either the children or parents that think this is ok.

RaspberryBeretxx · 29/09/2024 18:49

Not over sensitive at all. My ds (now 12) would have felt the same. Could have been thoughtless on the girls part but actively unkind for the parents to be there and then put it down to Sarah being too sensitive.

BiancaBlank · 29/09/2024 18:50

I can only imagine the other mum felt a bit guilty, and so blamed it on your DD’s ‘sensitivity’ (see also ‘you have no sense of humour’). Of course your DD minded, and in fact I don’t think it’s fine for her not to have been invited either, when this is supposedly one of her best friends! As for ‘they just wanted to talk to her’ - FFS if they wanted to do that they could have invited her to the party!

Unfortunately - and I speak from experience here - there is very little you can do about this other than grin and bear it, because I expect your DD will still want to be friends with these girls. Try not to feed into her upset but just stress that sometimes you don’t get invited to things for whatever reason, and they weren’t being deliberately mean (whatever you might think privately!)

WandaFishy99 · 29/09/2024 18:54

Mean children and mean parents. I'm not surprised your poor girl is upset. They may as well have said Look at us having fun and YOU'RE not welcome!
I think you need to help her make new friends.

5128gap · 29/09/2024 18:54

Are you certain that this is understood by all as an equal triangle, rather than Molly having two friends, Sarah and Poppy, and Poppy being 'friendly' to Sarah via Poppy, but not seeing her as a close party invitee friend, iyswim? If this is how Poppy sees it they may indeed have thought they were being nice to show their dances. However if they're supposed to be equal friends, then it sounds mean.

Cornettoninja · 29/09/2024 18:56

That mum was a wanker but I think @BiancaBlank has nailed the advice here. You have to think through the repercussions and what your dd can deal with right now.

the vindictive bitch in me says organise something that the dd of wanker mum isn’t invited to but that’s only going to antagonise things.

its really hard for you both, I hope your dd is well enough to be able to expand her friendship group in the near future. Flowers

RightOnTheEdge · 29/09/2024 18:56

No, I think most people of any age would have been upset by that!

Original poster
Treacle2024 · 29/09/2024 18:57

5128gap · 29/09/2024 18:54

Are you certain that this is understood by all as an equal triangle, rather than Molly having two friends, Sarah and Poppy, and Poppy being 'friendly' to Sarah via Poppy, but not seeing her as a close party invitee friend, iyswim? If this is how Poppy sees it they may indeed have thought they were being nice to show their dances. However if they're supposed to be equal friends, then it sounds mean.

It was a very equal friendship before the banning of them being able to talk as a 3 which I still don’t quite understand.
i mean don’t get me wrong they would defo see other more because they live on the same road and i am not upset she wasn’t invited.
but Sarah talks to them both separately and been to events with both separately ( not in a mean way we would always invite both but sometimes only one is available )

OP posts:
Original poster
Treacle2024 · 29/09/2024 18:58

The reasoning for banning the 3 way calls was because she says poopy is more mature than molly and Sarah which actually isn’t very true but this is a whole diff story of that minims opinion of her own kid who is never ever at fault 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts: