To have told DD she has to come to family day out regardless of how she feels?

[Dawevi]

For years DD15 was massively into Harry Potter and was desperate to go to the HP experience. DS10 is quite a few years younger than her and is now into HP and they have played HP games together, DD has dressed DS up, read him the books, etc, and so we decided to book to go as a family. We gave them the tickets months ago as a surprise and DD seemed underwhelmed but wouldn't talk to us about it. She's autistic so we thought she might just be overwhelmed.

It's now in a few weeks and she told me tonight she doesn't want to go. She hasn't really said why and won't talk about it.

AIBU to have told her that we are going and that's it? It's expensive, I'm pretty sure she will enjoy it or at least bits of it once there, and sometimes we just have to do stuff we aren't so keen on, in my opinion. I personally have never read or watched any HP and nor has DH, but I imagine we will find things to enjoy.

AIBU?

Does her not going mean noone can?
I'd just say, ok, that's a shame,.thought you'd enjoy it, we'll show you the photos when we get back. Don't give it attention or make it the big thing.

She probably feels put out that you didn’t take her when she was desperate to go but now that her younger brother wants to go you have booked it. I’ve been as an adult with my 8 year old DS who really wanted to go and it was good but I didn’t enjoy it in the same way he did.

I would say she has to come but can sit in the car and read if she doesn't want to go in.

Can you go without her?
Perhaps she is feeling odd about growing up and leaving her childhood behind her while her younger sibling still sees the magic?
Perhaps it's a JK Rowling thing?
Have a chat to her, find out what's going on.

Leave her at home and let DS take a friend.

Can't think of anything worse than dragging a miserable teen round an (expensive) attraction.

Why don’t you give her place to one of your son’s friends? There’s no point in forcing her.

Perhaps at 15, she feels she’s too old for Harry Potter?

That's a good one lol.

We can't leave her at home alone. She is autistic, we don't have family nearby, she also has other conditions and needs care, we either all go or no one goes.

She won't talk to me about it and she usually talks to me about everything. I'm not concerned she will sulk on the day, she doesn't sulk and I'm certain she will enjoy it when we get there.

I don’t really understand why you’re forcing this? Can’t she just stay home and you can offer the extra ticket to one of your younger child’s friends? I would have thought at 15 she’d be a bit too old for Harry Potter anyway.

She probably feels put out that you didn’t take her when she was desperate to go but now that her younger brother wants to go you have booked it.

This is a fair point

In that case, she must go.

Write some of the suggestions on a peice of paper ask her to tick next to it if it's whats bugging her promise you won't get angry you just want to understand.

Then leave her with the paper.

Then don't get angry.

Sometimes if someone says the thing that is bugging you it's easier to say yes that's it.

As you've said quite a few times, she's autistic and that has a lot to answer for.

One parent goes, with the son and a friend. The other stays at home. That's just what life can be like with an autistic child.

If you can't leave her at home then she has to come.

Worst case scenario is she doesn't enjoy herself.

This is my suggestion too.

Is she worried it will ruin the magic if she goes? Does she find any bits of the books scary?

You've prioritised waiting for her brother to get it and be the right age and missed that she now isn't. She's jealous and feels second best. She asked to go and you wouldn't take her but are now taking her brother.

That's what I think. At worst she will be bored (as will I!) and life's like that sometimes. But I think she will enjoy it when she gets there.

Actually the reason we didn't go before was mainly because I really didn't want to go, but they have asked so many times and then they both seemed really into it I decided to suck it up and go! But since then she seems to have changed her mind.

Every teenager I know that loved Harry Potter now says JK Rowling is a TERF & should be cancelled. Even if you talk it out with them, they might agree differently but it's the teenager stance right now..

One of my nieces will watch the films in my house as she doesn't want anyone to know as it's really uncool apparently.

Might that have anything to do with it.

I've said it twice. I'm also autistic as is DS. And without a good reason I'm not ruining our family day out by two of us not going. You think I'm unreasonable, but I'm not convinced that I am.

Could you suggests she picks the next day out, so she has something to look forward to?

Possibly, but I think that's ridiculous and not a reason to not go. She loved the stories and until recently was playing HP stuff with her brother. It's not like the experience is about JK Rowling.

Definitely! I really try to do stuff they will like.

Did you explain this to your DD?