To have told DD she has to come to family day out regardless of how she feels?

[Dawevi]

For years DD15 was massively into Harry Potter and was desperate to go to the HP experience. DS10 is quite a few years younger than her and is now into HP and they have played HP games together, DD has dressed DS up, read him the books, etc, and so we decided to book to go as a family. We gave them the tickets months ago as a surprise and DD seemed underwhelmed but wouldn't talk to us about it. She's autistic so we thought she might just be overwhelmed.

It's now in a few weeks and she told me tonight she doesn't want to go. She hasn't really said why and won't talk about it.

AIBU to have told her that we are going and that's it? It's expensive, I'm pretty sure she will enjoy it or at least bits of it once there, and sometimes we just have to do stuff we aren't so keen on, in my opinion. I personally have never read or watched any HP and nor has DH, but I imagine we will find things to enjoy.

AIBU?

Ask her about JK Rowling. Lots of teens follow the, "She's transphobic and I don't like her" line.

If that's the case then look at what JKR actually said / wrote.

What a horrible comment. Did you read OP’s posts detailing the fact that DD has other disabilities and needs care, and also that OP herself i autistic ? Or that DD was still showing interest in HP when the tickets were bought ?

Could it be that someone at school has said something along these lines though, perhaps making her feel ashamed of going?

@Puddingcakes By ‘morals’ do you mean a different opinion to you ? It’s not ‘immoral’ to believe that men can’t just put on a wig and a dress, magically become a woman and invade female spaces.

I would make her go. On the basis that you are in charge and she is a child, also that she'll enjoy it when she gets there.....and if she doesn't TOUGH.

She’s 15 and still a child. She goes.
Loads of children have to do stuff they don’t want to do, that’s life. Same as when you are an adult and have to endure stuff at work that you hate. It’s one day of her life and it won’t kill her.

Tell us you know nothing about autism ……………….

I think she will probably really enjoy it. I'm not a HP fan and when I first went it was years since I had seen the first two movies and I hadn't seen the rest of them. It's such a great day out that I still really enjoyed myself.

One parent stays home. Other parent goes, taking 2 of DS's friends. But I do speak as one who would rather eat wasps than go to HP world. Different if both parents want to go.

This opinion is taking into account ND. In my, NT family, I would have told dd that she needed to go to please her brother-and she would have agreed.

Could you explain this?

Ha, ha, no it is not. Have you ever been out, in the real world?
Get out of your vacuum.

No you're alright, I NEVER STOP hearing about it.

Does she have sensory issues that might make this hard for her? Does she struggle with noise or crowds or people brushing against her when thing's are busy? My Autistic DD is a lot more effected by those things now than she was when she was younger. I'd never take her somewhere busy and noisy if she didn't want to go. It's not necessarily just a case of sucking it up for an autistic child. Bored can be the least of it.

I would ask her to give it a try and, if she's not enjoying it, one of you will take her out.

I'd also get her to choose the next day out before you go so it's clear to her that her preferences within the family are respected.

I think seeing as you can't leave her at home you should say you're all going and that's it. I'm sure she will enjoy it when she's there especially if she's been saying she wants to go for ages.
And like you say sometimes we go places for the sake of other people, she could pick the next day out.
Maybe she is worried about what it's going to be like? Crowds/noise etc?

My horror at people suggesting she's too old. Whilst nearly 50 year old me looks at her wand and robes.... 😭

I do think there may be something to this - OP said DD didn’t want to go, but won’t tell her why. It could well be down to her feeling conflicted, and some discussion around it might help.

Why don't you all go but tell her that once you get there that she can spend the time in the snack bar ( perhaps with a parent) whilst her siblings do the tour, my guess is that once she gets there she will be so fascinated by the "sets" she will enjoy it.

Wow aren't you delightful. No one forced you to comment on a thread involving autism. If you need to yell because someone points out you're missing context maybe you should click away next time.

That was my first thought.

That happened to me a few times, and it hurt. Thing was in my case both he wasn't that bothered about it, and I was told I was too old and they couldn't afford tickets for us older ones too.

I also knew if I did go that the day would be round what he wanted to do and not me.

I don't think it was at all malicious, simply by the time my younger brother got to old enough, they had more money so thought they could do some of the things, and remembered things we'd longer to do and extrapolated to assume my brother would want to do them.

I don’t know what the answer is but I sympathise.

could the suprise (even well in advance surprise) element be part of the problem? For my son the lack of control that comes with a surprise makes it too much for him. When we are planning something he needs to be in the loop from the start. Like your daughter he has other care needs alongside his autism which means a lot of planning needs to go into trips which I think contributes to his need to be involved.

Which is not the same as being autistic yourself or living with two autistic children.

If you can find anything actually transphobic she has said or written there is a £million prize.

Yes, she must go - there’s no option really. She can sit in the café if she really doesn’t want to do the whole tour.

Could her recently found reluctance be anything to do with JK Rowling? She’s at an age of increasing awareness. Just a thought.

Is she LGBTQ+ or even her friends and because of what JK Rowling has said doesn't want to be seen "supporting" her?