My sons tutor sent me an email to say she’s concerned about him

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I got an email from my sons tutor yesterday saying he “looked tired and pale recently especially in the mornings” and she wanted to check if he’s ok and have we noticed. We haven’t so I emailed back to say he’s in bed by 9:30/9:45 and seems fine to us. He’s had a massive growth spurt over the summer so has stretched further into a tall gangly teenager but then both my husband and I were like beanpoles when we were 14 and I always had dark circles under my eyes. He’s a bit quieter than he was but we put that down to becoming a teenage boy. He’s 14 in a few weeks. I asked her if she could elaborate so she said it was best to talk on the phone as she can’t explain properly via email. She rang me this morning and said she’s noticed for a while now how pale and grey he looks and she asked another teacher who agreed and said he looked gaunt! She said that he’s lost his spark and I should perhaps take him to get his iron tested. I told him he has a healthy appetite and gets to bed on time but she was quite insistent something was wrong with him. I know that this tutor is not liked in the school and his older sister has backed that up. He’s home later tonight as he has football practice so I will sit him down and talk to him. But we find it odd as he seems happy at home and is eating well. From the conversation we had I felt she was trying to insinuate that there are problems at home or something. It’s peed us off quite a bit as my son doesn’t look ill. Am I being unreasonable to feel upset at his tutor?

She’s worried about your child.

Hardly a heinous offence, is it?

I’d take him to the dr, what harm will
it do

Tbh I think you are being unreasonable. It sounds to me like she is concerned about his health. She might be right, she might be wrong. But I'd be grateful to any teacher who cared enough to go out of their way to flag a concern like this to me. I'm puzzled why you seem so defensive.

I wish my 11 years old was in bed at 10...
Wish....

Yabu, a teacher being concerned isn’t a reason to be pissed off, she’s shared her concerns with you, been helpful with suggestions

I wouldn’t feel upset (or feel anything really) until I’d had a chat with my son and gauged his reaction. You said yourself he’s been quieter.

However, if it’s true that this tutor is not well liked perhaps he just dreads class/form time with them. I had teachers I didn’t like who probably thought I was miserable too, but I actually just found them a bit miserable!

She’s showing concern! Get him checked at the doctors as he may have a deficiency!

Wow...
Peed off because someone cares enough to contact you about your child.

Why are you peed off when a teacher is showing genuine concern for your child? Many children get missed and if I were you I would be grateful someone has noticed your child doesn't seem himself. I would get him tested for iron and speak to him ofcourse to see if he's worried about anything. At least you can put your mind at rest.

Sometimes someone not as close can see differences/changes more than those who see him every day, all day.

I wish my kids teachers would notice when they are struggling rather than the "they are fine when they're here" response I get whenever I flag a concern.

Unless you think she is planning on maliciously reporting you for neglect or something, I would just be pleased someone who has some responsibility for my child's welfare was taking that role seriously.

She is worried about your child. This is a positive. She is aware of your child, has a concern and has contacted you. All signs of a good teacher.

Does he have his phone in his room over night.

Personally I'd take any feedback into consideration. I'd talk to my my son about how he's feeling physically and mentally (but I wouldn't say anything about the tutor) and maybe set up a Dr's appointment to arrange testing of iron levels and anything else the Dr thinks is relevant. I'd thank the tutor for raising it and confirm that we'd be looking into it.

You don't think he looks ill

She does.

It can't harm anyone if he starts taking iron and multivitamins.

Teens do go through growth spurts and need a lot of food. It's not uncommon for them to be tired as a result.

She's expressing concern

She sounds genuinely concerned about him. Iwould take him to the Dr's to get him checked. Eating a healthy diet doesn't mean other things aren't going on inside him. Hope he's ok

Is he definitely asleep as early as you think?

Yeah, be annoyed at the teacher for caring about your kid
That makes perfect sense.

I’m in two minds. I don’t think the teacher is making it up, one of my children looks positively ill by the end of school (huge sleep issues) and anyone not aware of his condition may think he was lacking sunlight and an adequate diet. By the time he gets home he’s running around like he’s on Ninja Warriors eating everything given to him. It reads like the teacher is overly concerned but it wouldn’t hurt to get him checked out. Teenagers can be out of sorts for all kinds of reasons as they go through big changes.

What's her popularity with pupils got to do with anything? She's spoken to you about a concern, which I think is a very decent thing to do. She could pretend she thinks he looks healthy and is acting normally to save herself the effort of having a tricky conversation. She sounds like a sensible and caring person.

Obviously it's up to you what you do next, but don't take it as a personal insult.

The tutor is not worried about home, they're raising a health concern.

Stop being defensive and think it through. Maybe a bit of concern is needed, rather than getting huffy.

Why are you making this about you? A responsible adult cares about your son enough to raise your concerns. That's a lucky position to be in when you consider the wider scheme of things. Talk to him, then just take him to the Dr and put your ego to one side. Where's the harm?

Her concerns*

I think they care and are making an effort to check your son is ok. You should be pleased they’re looking out for him.

I don't understand why you are annoyed she is worried about him and went above and beyond to try help him , why would you not get his iron levels checked he could easily be low or have too much as can be the case with males.

Take him to the doctor, a friend of mine was really pale and everyone kept telling him he didn’t look well but his family just put that down to him being ginger and not being outdoorsy, he went to hospital for something unrelated and they immediately saw he had anaemia and if he’d waited much longer he would’ve been really seriously ill. Sometimes when something comes on gradually you don’t notice it.

He doesn't look ill to you and he does look ill to her.

People are furious when the professionals who are involved in children's lives don't do anything about children who may be being neglected or abused at school. Like the adults in Daniel Pelka's life who did absolutely nothing to help him and he was ultimately murdered.