My sons tutor sent me an email to say she’s concerned about him

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I got an email from my sons tutor yesterday saying he “looked tired and pale recently especially in the mornings” and she wanted to check if he’s ok and have we noticed. We haven’t so I emailed back to say he’s in bed by 9:30/9:45 and seems fine to us. He’s had a massive growth spurt over the summer so has stretched further into a tall gangly teenager but then both my husband and I were like beanpoles when we were 14 and I always had dark circles under my eyes. He’s a bit quieter than he was but we put that down to becoming a teenage boy. He’s 14 in a few weeks. I asked her if she could elaborate so she said it was best to talk on the phone as she can’t explain properly via email. She rang me this morning and said she’s noticed for a while now how pale and grey he looks and she asked another teacher who agreed and said he looked gaunt! She said that he’s lost his spark and I should perhaps take him to get his iron tested. I told him he has a healthy appetite and gets to bed on time but she was quite insistent something was wrong with him. I know that this tutor is not liked in the school and his older sister has backed that up. He’s home later tonight as he has football practice so I will sit him down and talk to him. But we find it odd as he seems happy at home and is eating well. From the conversation we had I felt she was trying to insinuate that there are problems at home or something. It’s peed us off quite a bit as my son doesn’t look ill. Am I being unreasonable to feel upset at his tutor?

Yes you’re being very unfair to her. I’d be thanking her and googling symptoms of low iron and speaking to him, before booking appt with the GP

Id be upset regarding the 'spark has gone in him' yes 100%.

I think the tutor sounds extremely caring. It’s great she is looking out for her students and then following it up with some action - many wouldn’t !

What I believe you are trying to say is thank you.

Take him to a doctor or Public Health nurse for an opinion if you are so sure you are right.

Why has the tutor's concern offended you so much?

If she waited to end of term and told you wouldn't you have rather she let you know as soon as she noticed something?

Just because you haven't observed anything untoward it doesn't mean you are not a good parent and I don't think she is trying to tell you that either.

Teachers are in the unique position to see children from a different perspective - they are looking at them face on for a whole lesson often. Perhaps your observations are important that hes had a growth spurt - but she will have seen him pre-summer and post-summer.

I am not a teacher but I do work with families. In one case a child told me in front of her parents she often felt tired at school, I asked a few questions and her parents followed it up with a GP check off their own decision making. They emailed me a few weeks later to say thanks as she was lacking in iron. I am glad they didn't get offended and I am sure the tutor doesn't want to offend you either. Its more likely she would find it unethical not to tell you what she had noticed.

Wow, so much hate on here! Unbelievable and so over the top. I didn’t read into it that OP hates teachers and they’re doing a crap job. We don’t know the conversation she had with the teacher and how the teacher spoke to her. She may be a bit over reactive but we don’t know what she’s gone through in life. People are all different and react to different situations in different ways. She may be struggling with low self esteem etc so extra sensitive to stuff like this and she just took it the wrong way. I think people need to give this a break and not react so harshly. Jeez, calm down people.

I understand that you might be upset at the implication that you don’t know your son. However, there would be no harm booking a GO appointment and having him checked out.

I would not be upset that she has said this at this stage she would not have contacted if she was not worried. Take him to get bloods done she is picking up on something some people are just like this. I wish I had trusted my gut not long ago when I kept saying to my husband I noticed our adult Childs lips looked a bit blue in the morning. My child said they felt fine just had a bit of a cough I would not stop nagging for 3 weeks and they finally went to the doctor. Doctor gave a letter to go straight to the hospital who took him in to resus and then he spent 3 weeks in the icu. He had pneumonia on his lungs it was a scary time as he only had a mild cough and did not sound anything like a chest infection. For her not being liked I would not pass heed of hearing that a lot of good caring teachers often are not liked they may come across as strict.

That was horrifying for you and the poor child if the stupid parent took heed treatment would of started quicker.

I think you are taking this a bit personally, as if it’s a criticism of your parenting.

I have had similar feed back from my son’s psychologist and we went to get him a blood test, which showed he was low in Vitamin D.

Hmm.. I gues he could be ill. But more likely, tired. I would just make sure that he physically hands you his phone, his laptop and hs gaming controllers each night. Mine both started to like bit of late night gaming at that age. They are push the boundaries and are clever about it - all very normal!

I had a friend in school who had lost weight and was looking pale. A PE teacher noticed and made a call home, mostly suggesting that she might have an eating disorder. Friends mum took her for a GP appointment and they took it seriously and it turned out she had leukaemia. Probably saved her life.

My child looked pale and grey following a bad viral infection, turns out he was low in ferretin and we got him some supplemental iron. It’s not a bad thing she’s spotted it and low ferretin has huge effects on concentration and behaviour.

You have nothing to lose by getting the lad's health checked out.
I would appreciate the teacher informing you of their concerns - it's not as if she has nothing else to do. Trying to downplay her advice by saying she is not popular is really not sensible.

Blood tests are a fairly quick way of checking for problems. I had anaemia after a teenage growth spurt. I just felt tireder than usual, iron tablets fixed it.

She seemed to be more concerned about his pallor and gauntness though as allegedly was the other teacher she mentioned it to.

Good point, thank you

Why does he have a tutor at 13/14, don't think there are any exams imminent at that age? Does he generally struggle to keep up with academics? Could he perhaps be feeling under pressure?

I suspect it is his form tutor, ie the member of staff with pastoral responsibility for him and the rest of his form / tutor group.

What are you on about?

Some people are paying over £50k a year for a school where their child will have a tutor from 13 to 18.

Possibly the OP’s child is at an independent day school?

Or just a state school where tutors are the norm?

Okay then 😂
Previous poster already pointed that out to me, but thanks for reiterating with the additional lesson on how rich people go to school 😂