Back story with me: I had my first two children young (age 18 and 20). Both my oldest girls are now 26 and 24. I have 3 younger children with my second husband who are 9, 7 and 3.
My 24 year old has come tonight and told me she is pregnant. I want to be happy, truly I do, but I broke down in tears and found myself telling her she needs to get an abortion. I adore my children, I wouldn’t be without any of them. But I haven’t signed on the dotted line to raise my grandchild which is what ultimately will end up happening.
She has had problems with drugs in the past (although suspect current use) and her on/off boyfriend is a POS basically- she has come running home to me and my husband (her step father) multiple times over the course of their 6 year relationship because he has physically assaulted her, trashed her home, one time smashed the windows on her car. He’s turned up at our address and had him arrested from here countless times.
He is in every shape and form a controlling, manipulative dickhead and we won’t tolerate him being in our home or around our younger children. It came close at one point to me and my husband (her stepdad) cutting her off. Our relationship is strained but at the end of the day she is my daughter. Contact between her and our younger children is strictly supervised either by one of us or by my eldest.
Anyway, my abortion comment has gone down like a cup of cold sick. I’ve pointed out with her medical history (she’s been admitted to hospital after drug/drink binge sessions and once after being severely assaulted by her partner) and namely her partners criminal record the likelihood of them being able to keep the child is slim as social services will be informed when she goes for her first appointment. She doesn’t want to see that. She thinks all will be hunky dory and they can finally live happily ever after. And if it does go wrong…she knows I will do everything in my power to ensure my grandchild doesn’t go into care even though I’m done with the nappies, the sleepless nights etc etc
I know what’s going to happen. He’s going to either finally get in the car and leave forever because he’s a man child and won’t step up to the plate or it’s going to be the same shit but with a child in tow when she comes crying to the door. Not to mention, and as awful as I feel writing this, she isn’t mother material. She doesn’t have a clue how exhausting it can be. I have raised children for 26 years of my life now- more than half of it.
We are currently sat awake waiting for inevitable abusive phone call or knock on the door from her partner. We have sent our youngest kids to my husband’s sisters for the weekend as we imagine we will have to yet again get the police involved.
AIBU for saying what I said and how I feel?