That makes me feel sad! Is this the new "be kind"

[10milliondollars]

Is this now a thing?

I've had a couple of disagreements recently with adults who like to push the boundaries when they don't get their own way - their response has been that makes me feel sad - is it me or is it such a weird thing to say to another adult you have a difference of opinion with - both adults had no right to their demands and I said I would not do what they wanted. Most people feel sad when they don't get their own way - but they don't lay the guilt on other people.

I think these people are being manipulative - AIBU.

I haven't heard this but it sounds like a new turn of phrase

We began teaching children to express their emotions better, which is a good thing. We forgot to teach them that their emotions are not the overriding factor in any situation, and ways to handle feeling sad.

I haven't heard this and certainly hope not to. Awful way of having the last word.

So, is it the threat that they'll be depressed if you don't go along with their wishes?

Yeah, the correct response is ' Oh do fuck off.' Of course it's up to you if you say it out loud or just think it 😉

It is like management speak such as ‘I hear what you say’ - I don’t enjoy this passive aggressive approach

Sigh. I'm old. My face or mouth would just say "ok" if I heard that.

Yeah I’ve heard this from my teenager. I didn’t know it was a turn of phrase but then I’m ancient.

Say 'that statement makes me feel sad' so you end up in a loop of who is sadder...

My 4 yo grand daughter says this, which is about the maturity level I credit it as 😊

Maybe the required response is “hope you can find a way to regulate your feelings, byeee”?

Offer them a tissue.

😂

“Oh dear. I’m finding your sadness quite triggering.”

Hahahahahha😆

“That’s a shame, hope you feel better soon”

I don't think it's inherently wrong depending on behaviour after or before.

Working in mental health, we focus a lot on normalising challenging emotions and labelling them.

I might say, 'That makes me feel sad, and I'm wondering how you feel right now' to a young child to support emotion coaching/awareness.

To an adult I may say (although I don't often use scaffolding like this unless it's someone who struggles to express emotion/struggles with interpersonal conflict or communication skills/regulation) 'That we can't agree on this makes me feel XYZ, and how you feel is okay as well. We don't have to agree all of the time. Despite that, we don't have to be in conflict/we can still repair the relationship etc etc.

Although in my personal life if I were to argue with DH or a family member /friend etc I'm sure I'd need a bit of cooling off time before I could be so reflective 😅

Surely it depends on what the disagreement is about. For example if you said 'I want to leave my dog at home for 10 hours every day while I work' and they said 'I disagree, I don't think that's a good idea and that makes me feel sad for the dog' then I'd get it. If however they disagreed on what colour to paint your bedroom and that made them 'feel sad' then that would be a weird response.

You know that's not the way to speak to people outside a clinical environment. I think even in a clinical environment your approach would annoy me - and make me feel you were being manipulative and that you lack authenticity - that can't be your own voice?

I use “that makes me sad,” when I’m at work. I work with children with severe learning difficulties and usually use it when one of them has grabbed hair/ kicked.
I don’t use it with adults who are capable of regulating their own emotions, but possibly don’t want to do so.

I have said no to your request and understand this is not the answer you want.

So you want me to agree/do what you want and feel angry/shit/taken advantage of so you don’t feel sad???? Or is telling me this meant for me to feel bad.

fortunately for me I’m and adult so i happy my decision is best for me and you being sad is something you will just have to live with (oh and please fuck right off with your passive aggressive bullshit)

I got the shittiest message from a friend setting out all my deficiencies.

At the end she said that sending the message had made her feel very sad.

WTAF.

i hate the phrase too OP.

OMG! Thank you for this post. We recently had a text from our neighbour (woman well into her 30s) saying that she would be sad if a bush that's getting a bit overgrown in our garden pushed up against their fence. I think the actual words were "I would be sad if ..."

I'm wondering if that's how she speaks to her children and tries to guilt trip them out of natural boundary pushing? I thought it was a preposterous way to word a simple request and I rolled my eyes at it big style.

Perhaps I should reply and tell her I would be sad if her new dog barking disturbed my peace and quiet for more than a few days.