That makes me feel sad! Is this the new "be kind"

[10milliondollars]

Is this now a thing?

I've had a couple of disagreements recently with adults who like to push the boundaries when they don't get their own way - their response has been that makes me feel sad - is it me or is it such a weird thing to say to another adult you have a difference of opinion with - both adults had no right to their demands and I said I would not do what they wanted. Most people feel sad when they don't get their own way - but they don't lay the guilt on other people.

I think these people are being manipulative - AIBU.

I had this from someone about ten years ago. She said ‘I’m sad about that,’ when what she meant was ‘I’m fucking livid you’re not playing along with my crap any more.’

I wasn’t and didn’t reply.

I haven't noticed that, but it sounds annoying! I'd probably roll my eyes or laugh, if they were obviously trying to be manipulative or passive aggressive. A flippant 'Oh well!' or 'Too bad' would work, as well.

That is an utterly brilliant response.

Especially the last sentence.

Thank you Blossom - you’ve put into words exactly what I felt should have said.

My mum says this whenever I disagree with her on anything. Her way of making me feel like everything is my fault because I’ve upset her, even if I know I’m in the right. It’s infuriating and one of the reasons I have little contact with her.

Life is a vale of sorrows is usually a pleasing reply.

OR roll out the big guns:

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but your estimate of it, and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. (Marcus Aurelius - I think. Other stoics welcomed)

If you just chime that off absent mindedly while staring into the middle distance, doubtless they’ll move on as they will find you so annoying.

Agreed all the counselling speak in buzzwords sounds really wanky and very manipulative.

If this is a thing, let's just nip it in the bus:" oh,how sad. Nevermind. Feelings don't trump facts,and I'm faked up of people confusing the two,or thinking they have the right to other people's intellectual submission.

Er... thanks I guess.
That makes me feel sad.

Came to say the same thing. I work in a primary school (ages 4-7) and use this phrase when hurt by dc who have additional support needs, usually along with a reminder to use kind hands!

I think I might invite them to tell me more about their sadness and then lead them off into a meandering conversation, whilst remaining detached and not defensive or sarcastic.
Not that defensiveness or sarcasm aren't understandable, but ultimately it tends to be counterproductive.
Then again I'm too much of a hot head and I'd probably just snap🤬

No. You just say ‘I’m sorry that you feel sad. That wasn’t my intention. My decision still stands for the reasons I’ve already stated.’

The voice of Guru makes this perfect 😁👍

Any adult who says “that makes me feel sad” in response to not getting their own way sounds cringey and childish as fuck.

I never got the “Be Kind” stuff though. I’d like to think most people are kind natured, but a lot of people are not. I know a lot of awful people, am I going to go out of my way to be kind to them? No.

I see so many “Be Kind”s on peoples Facebook bios, but they’re the first people to air their dirty laundry on the internet and argue/troll others.

I'd just end up wanting to say 'yeah, me too', or 'that's a shame' and move the convo on. It sounds a very basic response to something. Rather than debating the merits or otherwise of doing x thing, and it just becoming accepted you disagree. These people sound pretty childish.

I would direct them to a safe space.

It's nursery talk "oh dear how sad you made THAT CHOICE" "you made everyone feel sad" "how sad your friend is crying now" etc etc

An adult uses that on me?

I'm sorry you feel that way but it's important to me that I say no to that request

Or

I agree it's sad your expectations don't meet my reality

It's sad for all of us

I'm sorry I can't emphasise with your problem enough to make it mine

I just don't have the mental space/health to deal with this right now

Can you tell I've dealt with this a lot?

"You telling me I'm making you feel sad, makes ME feel sad. Where will it all end?"

I think it's fine in that context because you are telling them how you feel in the context of their behaviour, rather than in a passive aggressive manipulative way.
I mean the alternative is to be annoyed with them without explaining why.

I would think the same wording could be used to a partner too.

It depends on whether the intent is to explain your feelings to help them understand you and improve communication or solve a problem, or whether you are trying to manipulate them into doing something. There might be a fine line in some cases.

Do these people say, "That makes me feel happy", with as much regularity?

If not, they're just trying to emotionally manipulate people to get their own way.

😂

This is my favourite so far

‘Ok, would you like that minuted?’ 😁

I wouldn’t see a statement like that as manipulation - I’d just see it as a statement - requiring no response and move the conversation along or end it. If I felt the need to respond something like “ok” or “noted” would suffice. I think this is easier to deal with than “be kind” (mainly because people mean be nice, and fail to recognise that being kind is not always nice but acting in the persons best interest).

The response should be “I’m sorry you feel that way” - not an apology just an acknowledgement of how they feel and you aren’t going to do anything to alter your decision.

Wow iv never heard anyone above the age of 5 say this I would laugh in adults face if they said this then repeatedly bring it up and take the piss out of them for the next 50 years