That makes me feel sad! Is this the new "be kind"

[10milliondollars]

Is this now a thing?

I've had a couple of disagreements recently with adults who like to push the boundaries when they don't get their own way - their response has been that makes me feel sad - is it me or is it such a weird thing to say to another adult you have a difference of opinion with - both adults had no right to their demands and I said I would not do what they wanted. Most people feel sad when they don't get their own way - but they don't lay the guilt on other people.

I think these people are being manipulative - AIBU.

Head tilt "me too".

Silently just smile and nod, apparently sympathetically

It sounds quite an immature response and manipulative. A child saying it is fine, an adult I think I’d want to tell them to grow up.

The future seems to be heading towards nobody speaking to each other ever again.

I’ve never seen it that way tbh. I’ve heard at work and been grateful that people were expressing their feelings openly in the moment and not bitching about stuff later on. Doesn’t mean I have to be responsible for their feelings - just helps to know for someone’s mood. If someone feels sad about something going on I know not to harp on about it and piss them off.

I have a different perspective on this, in relation to behaviour specifically, and beliebe that actually, young people need to understand that their behaviours do have consequences and impact others. What I've found across education , social care and mental health is that we are not setting those expectations for cyp to be responsible for their behaviours.

It doesn't have to be about changing someone, or changing behaviour at all. If you have a strong therapeutic relationship with someone you are able to use those immediacy skills and repair any ruptures!

The example given re your little one is madness though. Too young and also random to ask a toddler to not make noise!

I’m guessing a ‘sucks to be you, then’ response wouldn’t go down well? Bloody tempting though.

Indeed.

I would have chucked a Werther's Original (I always have some in my bag) at them and told them to cheer up... because the best way to fight such blatant passive aggression is with more passive aggression.

😄 😄 😄

How about, "Your sadness is making me feel very unsafe,"?

I think I can live with that. Said in the voice of Gru from minions.

Put your sunglasses on and say:

😎 "Deal with it."

I hate it. I have a friend who often texts about situations that 'make me feel sad' or 'it saddens me'. Well that shite fucking enrages me.

Do you feel if I say to my kids 'I'm really annoyed / upset with you because you did X, and I've already told you not yo do X'? It's an honest question because I used to get a quick smack for doing the same from my mum, but we were told that we shouldn't smack and we're told to say the emotions. I felt understood and learnt quicker from smacking.

My 5yo says this every time we say no to a pet unicorn or something equally ridiculous 🤣

Nice try

😁

In the context of the OP, what is there to reflect on, she disagreed with people she knows push boundaries. She was quite clear they had no right to make their demands. People like that only interpret conversation as negotiation, sane people know when to shut that down, not indulge it.

You have made several posts talking about your field of work but it actually has no relevance to the OP.

I think it’s a school (or YouTube) thing as my DCs say this to me, “you’ve made me sad” or “that’s hurt my feelings”. Usually when I’ve said no to something like a second ice cream or a day off school!
My response is usually “don’t worry, you’ll live”. Which my mum used to say to me and I’ve waited decades to use myself lol

Were these all women with children who said this to you? I can't see a man saying this.

They would get 'oh dear I'm sorry to hear that ' from me - with absolutely no offer to change my decision. Then I would leave them to it.

Oh, I can't stand this sort of thing with grown adults. One thing for children but adults speaking this way is both manipulative and a bit cringey.

I'd be tempted to reply:

"Boohoo."
"Aw. Shame."
"Why's that my problem?"

If they're going to speak like children, do it back. They might realise it doesn't work in the real world.

Afraid I am likely to respond to those types of comments with ‘well, given all that’s going on in the world today, the fact that something so comparatively unimportant has the power to make you sad is a ‘you’ thing, isn’t it?’ I’d probably be wearing a WTF expression, too.

But I can be quite outspoken, am on the spectrum, and am finding it hard to filter myself post-menopause.

I'd reply "Oh dear, what a pity, never mind"

(With apologies for misquoting It Ain't half hot mum and "Oh dear, how sad, never mind")