To be frustrated when people make assumptions about your lifestyle based on your appearance?

[ShadeMuse]

I’ve noticed that people often make assumptions about my lifestyle or financial situation based on my appearance, and it annoys me. I feel like they’re judging me without knowing my actual circumstances. AIBU to be upset by these assumptions and to expect people to avoid making judgements based on looks?

Surely everyone makes a snap judgment immediately meeting someone. Its whether they allow that judgement to cloud other things. Do these assumptions change their treatment of you?

It's literally human nature to sum people up at a glance OP. Our survival can depend on it. But if you're a millionaire and everyone thinks you're homeless because of the way you dress, perhaps smarten up a bit?

@ShadeMuse there was a long thread about this a couple of years ago, don't know if anyone could dig out a link to it. The long and the short of it was, try re-framing this as amusing (lots of funny stories were posted) – after all, it says more about them than it does about you 😀

That's what most people do.

They're not making assumptions, they're drawing inferences. Completely different.

It's just part of being human. What is it that so many people are getting wrong about you at first glance?

As others said, it's how our brains work. We can become aware of it and get past that snap judgement, learn to never voice it, but that's always been known - don't judge a book by its cover etc. It still goes on. You can subvert expectations and educate people but if you want it to not happen you'll just get very frustrated.

YABU to be annoyed by it. Everyone does it, there's even research that shows its a judgement made within 15 seconds of meeting you. Incorrect or not, it's human nature. Are you a threat, will you hurt or impact me, are you an idiot I need to avoid. etc.

You can however choose to not be bothered what others reach in their judgements. Why do you care? What does it matter what they think 🤔

It’s human nature to draw conclusions based on our experiences and memories. Thats literally how we go about our day and don’t get ran over by a bus.

The trick to not being upset by these assumptions is to not give a damn.

I mean yeah of course they do.

But this is as old as the hills. People do this instinctively and there’s not much you can do except confound their expectations and quietly enjoy their surprise.

How do you know they’re making assumptions?

I do think it’s human nature and essential to our safety and well being to do this tbh.

More importantly, why do you care?

Why does it bother you? They're nobody to you. It doesn't matter.

My husband is much older than me.
I am mixed heritage and husband is white !

People often ask DH if I speak English !!!!! Oh where is your wife from?
I assumed they think I’m a gold digger and marrying for a passport !

I actually earn more than DH

It happens to me and honestly, I don't care. Sometimes the assumptions are correct, and sometimes not. It can be quite funny.

I'm intrigued by what you look like, what's being assumed and who's doing it. Because you usually need a pretty strong look suggestive of a certain lifestyle before people actually assume it to your face.

If this bothers you wait until they see you with a shopping trolley...

Just be amused at their surprise when they discover they're wrong...?

Though I'm not really sure where you're going with this. Is it 'covered in tattoos and piercings, therefore can't be a GP?' Or #dresses in rags, therefore can't possibly be a Duchess'?

Oh good grief… of course people judge others from appearance. Including you!

Assuming people dress to be comfortable in your day to day lifestyle then appearance does reflect lifestyle doesn't it? Anyone taking one look at me (unstylish hair, short nails, weathered skin, equestrian brand coat, riding tights, dog and horse hair on my jumpers) would assume spends a lot of time outside, has dogs and horses, doesn't need to look polished day to day. They would be right.

Do you look particularly dirty and unkempt?

It’s part of our survival instinct so nothing you can do about it.

Do you have a particular problem?

I agree. I'm sick of people giving me their pitying looks, spare change and sometimes a sandwich whenever I sit down in our city centre.

😂

Well it could be worse...

Well, yeah, of course they will look at you and form an opinion. And people will utilize this instinct to their own ends. See all of the 'how to look rich' threads on S&B.