To be frustrated when people make assumptions about your lifestyle based on your appearance?

[ShadeMuse]

I’ve noticed that people often make assumptions about my lifestyle or financial situation based on my appearance, and it annoys me. I feel like they’re judging me without knowing my actual circumstances. AIBU to be upset by these assumptions and to expect people to avoid making judgements based on looks?

Maybe tell us what the actual issue is. If you’re slim and attractive, what assumptions are people making? Are they assuming you’re a kept woman/trophy wife with a rich husband because you turn up to the school run in fancy gym clothes, when in actual fact you’re a hard-working single mum with a middling income? Are they assuming you must be thick when in actual fact you’re a high-flying lawyer? Without you giving any context, people have nothing to go on.

I was a student in the grunge era and never really smartened up my style. i just don't care enough about my appearance, it's all superficial to me and it's not ME, the real me is underneath the clothes and hair etc. I also don't believe in fast fashion and I absolutely hate shopping for clothes and shoes so I try to make them last as long as possible, so some look a bit faded or worn I suppose. However it's obvious that others DO judge. I've been followed round shops a few times by security guards when I've gone shopping looking like a bit of a scruff bag, eg if I've been doing housework or gardening and stayed in my scruffy clothes. I think they were days I looked particularly tired and worn out or my hair needed cutting and colouring. It didn't used to happen when I was younger, so clearly I must look like a down on their luck middle aged druggie and a risk for shoplifting 😆What they don't know is that i'm financially comfortable. Not to mention the most honest person ever. It annoys me that I now check if I look "smart" enough to go shopping, just so that I don't get a suspicious security guard following me round.

I have to say I do make judgements the other way though so I'm a hypocrite because it's still prejudging. If someone has spent a lot of time on their appearance it crosses my mind that they're possibly one of the following: vain, insecure, vacuous/superficial, only interested in non-intellectual stuff, just not "my" type of woman. I try not to think like that, especially since I have the most lovely lovely colleague whose outward appearance is very different to mine, so I KNOW rationally that it's wrong to pre-judge on outward appearances. But it's hard to stop yourself.

I mean this is incredibly vague.

Can you be more specific about what they're saying or judging you on?

As if you're carrying around a £2k handbag and wearing £10k of jewellery and you have a different bag and jewellery every time they see you of course they're going to assume you have money.

This is why genuinely rich people are usually understated with designer brands and wealth instead of projecting it.

I raise you op with if you have any kind of physical disability and then people give you the head tilt and talk very very s l o w l y

I think posters would engage more if you explained the issue.

It happens to oneself rather a lot, even if I have hidden my crown under the old trilby I found in the back of Aunty Margaret's car.

People judge me all the time on appearance. On the whole they are pretty accurate because I choose to present an accurate representation of myself - as I think we all do.

one notable exception is because I'm young looking, busty, well groomed and a bit common they think I'll be I will be a bit stupid or poorly educated. Nothing could be further from the truth and I love amazing them.

My retired DH took our old battered second car in for a minor repair. He had been doing DIY so was really scruffily dressed, and had just had a nasty cold, so looked dreadful. When he went to pay the bill, the mechanic apologised for an extra charge for a new (necessary) part, looked at DH, then knocked it off the bill! That's certainly never happened when we've taken in the family car 😁

This made me laugh, it’s the opposite for me. I am scruffy, overweight and it makes me laugh inside when I get judged…..as am well, very, wealthy.

Oh yes. And assume you must be unemployed.

Are you going to explain your particular issue @ShadeMuse

I find the more we talk about false assumptions the better we break those stereotypes

Do you feel comfortable with how you dress? If so then screw everyone else. Life's to short to care about opinionated people.

How have you got to adulthood without knowing that first impressions count?

What judgements are people making that you don't like? Do you dress like a goth? Are you heavily tattooed but work in corporate law?

YANBU

I look very young and I like to wear make up, tan and have my nails and hair done etc.

People are always shocked that I’m a professional and have a masters degree.

I get treated very differently when they know these things.

I guess it should offend me but I don’t get offended that easy and I guess I would get more offended if they thought the opposite.

So what type of assumptions are they making? Are they telling you these assumptions or telling other people who then tell you?

Everyone does this, all the time though. I tend to look scruffy but if I'm going into town shopping I put on jewellery, slap and ironed clothes because if I don't I will get ignored in shops - or followed round by security.

I rushed to B&M yesterday in pyjamas and crocs to buy a mop so the cleaner could clean our hardwood floors.

I find it hard to have sympathy when i have no idea what the issue is.

You're slim and attractive so people always assume you're a Disney Princess?

No idea.

Ffs explain yourself

Well what are they assuming and what are your examples? Are they assuming you’re poorer than you are eg “goodness I hope you managed to get in by bus today as I’m assuming you can’t afford petrol atm” or richer than you are “where were you on Tuesday? Flying back from Dubai in your private plane?”

Slim doesn’t always mean gorgeous looking. Just as fat doesn’t always mean ugly.
You sound very shallow and ironically very judgmental yourself.

The difficulty in having sympathy with you OP is nothing to do with how slim or attractive you tell us you are. It's because its the only thing you've chosen to tell us. You haven't even told us what assumptions are being made about you. So how can we have sympathy with the entirely unknown? Are you slim and attractive but face assumptions because you have a disability? Or due to your ethnicity? Are you gender non conforming? Do you look older than your years? Do you have tattoos or facial piercings? Do you dress like a goth, a punk, a weekend cowgirl? Do you have big white teeth and people think you're going to ask them if they love Jesus....?

Sorry op but that’s like me starting a thread “AIBU to be annoyed people think I went for a walk on Friday to a place I didn’t take a walk on Friday?”
eh?

Hell, I made a load of snap judgements based on your post, let alone your appearance.

I’m a wheelchair user. I always get followed by the security guard in shops. Obviously a wheelchair user is on benefits and likely to shoplift 😡