To be frustrated when people make assumptions about your lifestyle based on your appearance?

[ShadeMuse]

I’ve noticed that people often make assumptions about my lifestyle or financial situation based on my appearance, and it annoys me. I feel like they’re judging me without knowing my actual circumstances. AIBU to be upset by these assumptions and to expect people to avoid making judgements based on looks?

I think we’re supposed to assume she’s v unkempt but actually filthy rich, but it is in fact the other way and she’s super groomed, stylish etc but manages this with a shoestring budget and how amazing that others can’t manage this/are dumbfounded when they discover the truth blah blah. Is that what we’re leading up to OP?

Meant to quote you on nose wrinklers post @LowF

If you don't give any context the whole post is basically pointless, and sounds suspiciously like a ridiculous humble brag

Ok @ShadeMuse as a slim and attractive woman what assumptions do complete strangers have on your lifestyle? And what exactly frustrates you about them?

The best way to not care about this shit is to, well, not care. It’s human nature to judge and make assumptions. Just work on your self esteem and self worth and then you’ll not give a monkeys about what people assume of you.

You haven't said what assumptions they are making. Does your appearance imply you are mega healthy and disciplined, only eat alfalfa sprouts etc, whilst you are actually a raging alcoholic and live of fast food? Does it imply you are not vain although you actually spend ages on your appearance? So much depends on context. And you sound like you are quick to be annoyed from your previous post too. Basically YABU.

I'm going to have a wild stab at this. The OP is slim and attractive. Most other women are fatter and uglier than she is. They assume she has a miserable life eating lettuce. They think she isn't very clever. They think she is going to steal their husband. They think this because they're jealous. Its very upsetting. But no one cares. The reason no one cares is because they're jealous.

People do draw conclusions from tattoos - is that it OP?

I likely get judged by my appearance although most wouldn't say it directly to my face.

I have over 50 tattoos including on my hands and fingers.

A lot of people on mumsnet think it's "chavvy" whatever that means.

I actually have quite a boring lifestyle, work in an office and sit at home watching telly most evenings, I don't go out robbing people or starting fights.

I'm not bothered what people choose to wrongly assume, I think it's silly that anyone would do that before getting to know someone but that's up to them.

We all do it to some extent whether we like it or not.

Yes this

Everyone assumes I am single which upsets me as I take it to mean that they must see something in me that is unsavoury or unattractive. 😔

You can go several days without water, weeks without food, but probably not a day without making a particular inference based on general observation.

It's how we get through life without having to go back to basics every day.

It's also possible to make assumptions about people from their posts, without even seeing them. In this case, not very bright and likes a drink.

I sometimes carry a rucksack instead of a handbag when I have a bad back - definitely get followed by security more when I have the rucksack.

I have an invisible disability and sometimes have to use a wheelchair. I can confirm that I only get followed around by security if I am in my chair.

I also only get spoken to by staff at shops etc like I am somehow mentally deficient when I'm in my chair.

It's really eye opening.

Eh?

Are you saying you think single people are “unsavoury or unattractive”?

God help us..,

People are getting erroneous first impressions when they lay eyes on the supermodel OP.

My dh is 6'2, big bloke with a shaved head . He wears jeans and a hoodie most of the time.
We get followed in shops (especially Next) and sometimes we bet on how quick hell be followed. They will literally follow us and if we ho up the escalator we know the security will have radioed ahead and someone will be within 'watching' distance when we get to the top.
He is as soft as a kitten and is a well behaved headteacher of a large primary school! A pillar in the community!😂

Personally we don't judge others but find it amusing some people are so narrow minded and do judge.

Oh get you I’m so perfect I’m jealous of myself.
We can all come on here Op and bleat about how irresistible we are. It’s very easy to be stunning and faultless behind a screen.

I had a "Pretty Woman" moment a few years ago where the saleswomen looked down at me - I picked up multiple handbags and took them to the till only to be asked which one I wanted?
The joy that I felt when I said "All of them" to the snotty assistant will never leave me! 🤣

Of course they can. The issue isn’t what the op looks like and what people insinuate from that, the issue is people deciding a persons worth based on how they look.

On a serious note, 9 years ago I was attacked (physically and psychologically) by five men over a period of months (in the building where I lived) Obviously I was absolutely terrified (had my door kicked in, threats to kill etc. etc.) I had to call the police on a few occasions (even though I was warned not to)
Unbelievably, I was judged by my appearance, by the police, who chose to believe a narrative fed to them by the perpetrators that I was just some 'crazy' woman. (Their words) Clearly the stress and humiliation showed in my appearance and through my panicked mannerisms and I was completely fobbed off by the police who asked 'have you got mental health issues?' and 'what tablets are you on?'. I guess by looking at me, I fit a stereotype they conjured up for themselves that I just looked mentally ill and that I was the problem.
I was working as a temp at the time and was just about to embark on a study course and I lost everything. (Lliterally everything)
I got another job almost straight away thankfully, but I think colleagues just assumed that I was a bit 'strange' (actually I was extremely traumatised - and scared)
I haven't forgotten it (still pursuing justice)
However, how that made me feel has never left me and 9 years on, I have really turned the situation around. (Still working on it, mind) Just yesterday, my uni tutor commented how 'polished' I looked and how I have such a strong character. I've also been told 'I don't look like what I have been through'.
You know what? That makes me so damn proud. Despite the utter humiliation and embarrassment I have had to go through to get myself back up, I absolutely pride myself on my courage and sheer determination and I regularly congratulate myself on how far I have come. Yes, I am a workaholic (I firmly believe work saved my life - not just from having financial stability, but I actually 'lived' at my job for a while - for my own safety) but I am also now in my final year of studies too, and hopefully that will bring even greater rewards.
Anyway, the point is, yes - people do judge you on your appearance. For me, I simply had to work on myself, for my own sanity. Meeting me, I seem pretty normal! My outer shell I can control, but inside my head, it's a whole big mess. (But luckily people can't see in my head!!)
I sometimes even have a chuckle at how well I disguise the carnage that happened.

So, don't worry about what people think! People are most likely worrying about how they look more than they care about anyone else. That's human nature. You do you. And keep doing you well the best damn way you can 🤍

Why won't you tell us oh slim and attractive one what is it that people are assuming then maybe we can hazard a guess as to why ?

It’s that Samantha Brick again, isn’t it? I noticed her wanging on in the Mail the other day.

That's horrific. I'm so sorry you underwent such a traumatic experience. I hope you're really proud of all you've achieved since, even if the battle continues. Inspiring.