What is a reasonable consequence for this behaviour?

[Mamabear04]

DP picks DD up from school, she's a month shy of 5 years old. It's cold and she comes out with no jumper or jacket on. DP says she needs to put at least one on for the walk home. DD screams in an all out tantrum, throws bag on the ground, goes to kick the bag but kicks DP hand instead then continues with meltdown. Toddler is screaming now in buggy and DP speaks quietly but firmly, helps her on with jacket and then gets both kids home. DP works from home and has gone back to work (into a meeting). What would you give is a consequence to this behaviour? For context DD was upset about having to put on jacket/jumper but also because DP picked her up and not me (I'm having problems with my asthma and he took a break from work to help me get a rest as I've been looking after our sick toddler all day). I feel so incredibly embarrassed that the whole school saw how she behaved.

I would consider this dealt with and move on.

Give her a cuddle, a drink and a snack.

Tell DH not to make her put her coat on. Some times they’re just not from running around.

Surely she needs a consequence for that kind of behaviour though? Otherwise she'll think it OK to behave like that again?

None she was tired from school (Reception is a lot) and a change of person collecting can throw them at this age

neither is forcing her to put on her coat or jumprr

Young kids do this kind of thing, try not to be embarrassed it’s very normal. Most parents will experience it & shouldn’t judge.
More than likely she’s exhausted & fitting into new routines at school. Is she getting to bed nice & early?
I’d let her relax now, give her down time to play quietly if possible. Then once she’s more relaxed speak to her about how we listen to grown ups & daddy was only showing he cares for her. Teaching her to reflect on her behaviour is more important than punishment IMO.

She’s behaving like that because she’s being forced to wear something she doesn’t want too. Shes 5 fgs. She was upset and needed a cuddle and probably a snack as the other poster said not a punishment. Kids have feelings too

I would just speak to her and tell her not to scream and shout.

I think it’s reason to discuss the behaviour with your daughter. I won’t punish

Huh?? She didn't do as she was told and threw a tantrum.

I'd say, it's important you do as daddy tells you as he is the grown up. And we won't be engaging in any more of your tantrums. It's up to you if you want to look like a silly baby in front of all your big school friends"

Or something like that

No punishment. Just reinforce expectations.
You need to put your coat on when its hometime.

She didn't get her own way as a result of her tantrum, so I don't see a problem.
If he'd said ok because you're screaming you don't have to put your coat on, that wouldn't have been ok. So it's not like she will scream next time to her her own way iyswim.
I used to hate the school run at that age, felt so embarrassed by my kids. But really they're all the same

Ps at that age you can't punish after the event as it means nothing to them

Maybe he should have left her till she felt cold. I think most kids regulate their own body temperature and he could have checked if she felt warm to touch. I only insisted after exercise. She may have realised she was cold a few minutes after leaving school and put her coat on willingly. Shivering and looking blue? Probably time to step in.

If they can do something nice together once dh has finished work (paint a picture, play dough, Lego etc) this will help her understand that daddy cares.

Hope you are feeling well soon.

She was tired from school. If she was to get consequences it would need to be immediate (I.e., no screen time when home etc.). Next time just don't force her to put a coat on, if she gets cold or wet that's the natural consequence to her actions. Any consequences now would just confuse her.

She’s 4- does she even remember doing it?

My kids like come out of school hungry and thirsty. They would behave normally once they’d had a snack and drink.

Does DP do the school run much ? If he doesn’t then I understand how your dd might have reacted negatively because his arrival was unexpected.

As for the coat, I wouldn’t have made her wear it. Sometimes it’s easier to wait until the stubborn 4 year olds says that she’s cold and would like to put on a coat. My dd was a similar personality. I remember her refusing shoes one day so I let her step out the front door barefoot. She felt the cold hard ground and immediately asked for shoes.

It’s dealt with, just move on.

No need to feel embarrassed, we’ve all been there or somewhere similar.

Natural consequences work best in this situation.
refuse to put your coat on = get cold.

in all honesty if someone kept insisting I put in an extra layer because THEY thought it was cold, I’d be pretty frustrated too. Get OH to pick his battles more wisely

By consequence here, do you mean punishment? If so, just say so. A natural consequence would be that she gets cold or wet. Your DP already chose not to go down that route.

Tantrums are normal at that age and other parents won't have been too shocked. Don't let embarrassment guide your actions here.

Personally I would have a gentle chat with her. It sounds like she got overwhelmed by her emotions.

No amount of punishment is going to improve her emotional regulation. So there's no point.

She's very small, she's used up her store of self-control during the school day, it's your role as parents to help her. So, she could talk about how kicking hurts others, and think how to say sorry for her df. But I wouldn't do anything more.

The natural consequence would be to let her get cold and re-offer the coat or jumper if she wanted them then.

Your partner dealt with it. She's new to reception, probably exhausted and it threw her when you weren't there when she expected you. A cuddle and a snack is all that is needed.

Kids also come out of very hot classrooms having run around not feeling like they need a coat or a jumper - she will soon realise if she needs one - telling her she must wear something is overruling her natural ability to tell if she does
reception is an overwhelming and tiring time, it will not be the last time she does it and she certainly won’t be all alone in doing so

Are you taking the piss?
This is what’s wrong with society.
It’s autumn, it’s cold she needs to wear a coat. At school we don’t let them out without their coats on so they put them on.
It is too late for a consequence, young children need them immediately but she certainly doesn’t need a reward for being defiant and having a tantrum.
Some times there are non negotiables regardless of ‘little people having big feelings.’

She’s forgotten all about it now so any “consequences” would be meaningless. Forget it.

when my daughter tries to put her babby into his car seat in the morning to take him to the childminder, He turns into a Tasmanian devil. He is 10 months old. He gets so upset which, in turn makes her upset and is starting to affect her work. She has tried singing, music, giving him a favourite but nothing is working. Any help please

I agree with everyone else, the consequence was that she had to wear her jacket. There's nothing to be gained by dragging it on.

Also, DS is 4 and he's currently sat next to me in just his underpants. It's cold in the house but he insists he's fine. He'll put some clothes on when he's cold enough 🤷‍♀️