What is a reasonable consequence for this behaviour?

[Mamabear04]

DP picks DD up from school, she's a month shy of 5 years old. It's cold and she comes out with no jumper or jacket on. DP says she needs to put at least one on for the walk home. DD screams in an all out tantrum, throws bag on the ground, goes to kick the bag but kicks DP hand instead then continues with meltdown. Toddler is screaming now in buggy and DP speaks quietly but firmly, helps her on with jacket and then gets both kids home. DP works from home and has gone back to work (into a meeting). What would you give is a consequence to this behaviour? For context DD was upset about having to put on jacket/jumper but also because DP picked her up and not me (I'm having problems with my asthma and he took a break from work to help me get a rest as I've been looking after our sick toddler all day). I feel so incredibly embarrassed that the whole school saw how she behaved.

Naughty corner

I wouldn’t have addressed it after the event and my kid’s older than most of the posters on this thread. Meaningless punishment after the event is pointless, a child won’t be able to make the connection.

Straight home and loss of privileges that evening. And seek an apology. No cuddling until after - if mum cuddles when dad has told off it undermines.

You sound like you have your head acrewed on OP. There’s far too much permissive parenting nowadays.

In this situation no co sequence. She's so little and has held it together all day at school, is tired, hungry and thirsty and to top it all off was looking forward to seeing you and you weren't there. Tell dp to go easy on her. Let her not wear a coat if she doen't want to "do you want your coat on? No! Okay, let me know if you get cold" and generally give hef a bug hug.

I said she needs to do as told by her daddy, not any random person.

Her behaviour will be viewed as silly by her peers. They will laugh at her. No point lying to her about it.

No consequence needed IMO.

Next time, just let her get cold and then she will ask for the coat. Or not, and she'll be cold. It won't do her any lasting damage!

This with bells on! Unless it’s pissing it down or below 0, the coat fight is not the hill to die on. Likewise unless she intentionally hits/kicks you regularly in anger, a short (2 sentence) conversation when she’s calmed down is fine. It’s also now way too far in the past in her brain for a consequence to be meaningful.

That’ll sort her out 😂

I think at that age the consequences needs to happen then and there, not afterwards as they won't link the behaviour to the consequence otherwise.

In the this case, the punishment/consequence was that dad put her jacket on her anyway even though she didn't want to so I consider that done and dusted now.

I personally would have just let her go without and the consequences would have been that she potentially got cold and then put the jacket on. Personally putting a coat on isn't something I want to battle about unless its extremely cold so would have just left it off and opted for the natural consequence.

Checking you know that kids don’t get sick from being cold…

No consequence (punishment) needed. Just a brief chat about expected behaviour. Then draw a line under it. She's probably exhausted after being in school for 6 weeks. TBH I wouldn't have insisted she wear a jacket. Let her put the jacket on when she feels cold.

kids are perfectly capable of knowing if they are hot or cold. let them decide. what do you care if they have their jacket on?

I'd be trying to ask her why she didn't want to jacket on and trying to chat to her about it.
Some kids find the school day hard going and when they get out they need to decompress. Further demands on them might break the camel's back as such.
My son didn't wear a coat for 2 solid years no matter what the weather. He's still very inflexible about it. He does run very hot and would be pumping sweat at a walking pace when I would not be sweating at all.
Part of it is also autonomy and wanting to make decisions for themselves.
I'd be more focused on why she wouldn't do it rather than punishment.

Yeah, the it's important you do as daddy tells you as he is the grown up is a winner to teach children. 😂

I'd be trying to ask her why she didn't want to jacket on and trying to chat to her about it.

But she said no? No is a full sentence, or is that just on MN.

I work with small children and in 25 years I have never seen any child that age laugh at another child or friend when they have tantrums. They are usually concerned and wants to know why xx is sad or upset!

Right, let's assume the OP and her husband are normal people, not criminals.

Wtf is wrong with telling a 5 year old that she has to do as her parents tell her???

It cannot be a controversial approach, surely?

Sure

Are you ok? I am seriously worried about people like you.

You would withhold affection - way to go with screwing up a child and making them fee guilty for having emotions.

yes she reacted badly, yes talking to her and getting her to understand why she shouldn’t and why it happened is important

punishing and withholding affection isn’t going to get her emotional responses under control is it

Yeah, you can be sure.

Consequences are natural results, eg you don’t wear your coat, you’re cold.

When you say “she needs a consequence” you mean that she needs a punishment but you’re using the word consequence to make it sound as though it isn’t one.

It’s relevant because, sometimes, children like to know exactly what arrangements are made. If she was expecting mum and dad arrived, she might have been surprised/confused/upset.

There’s also no need to be so rude.

This. If she's calm have a chat about what big feelings she m

Another one for pick your battles.

Nothing bad is going to happen if DD doesn't wear their jumper or coat. And your DP probably would have found that part-way home, DD would have realised she was cold and put it on.

Also, don't forget that outbursts are normal after school for many children. It's called 'restraint collapse' and is the result of being on their best behaviour all day.